The thing I remember most about Grandma's old Bible, with its leathery cover, tattered spine and frayed edges, was that it looked a lot like Grandma.
*.*
"My stomach has been bothering me, Doctor," complained the patient.
"What have you been eating?" asked the doctor.
"Pool balls."
"Pool balls?!" said the astonished doctor. "Maybe that's the trouble. What kind do you eat?"
"All kinds," replied the man, "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue ones for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner."
"I see your problem," said the doctor. "You haven't been getting any greens!"
*.*
A new report says that one in four Americans between 25 and 45 are not working.
And that's just among those with jobs!
*.*
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, And if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
(Read it again…)
*.*
After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like
his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the
nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.
"Yes, you were, son," his mother said as she started
to cry softly, "but it didn't work out and they brought
you back."
Issue of the Times;
What your high school chemistry teacher never taught you about gold by Simon Black
One of the more unfortunate developments in human civilization over the last century is the devolution of money.
In fact, the word ‘money’ has now become synonymous with those funny pieces of paper that are conjured out of thin air by unelected central bankers.
Or even more ridiculous, ‘money’ has become the electronic representation of that paper.
Think about your bank account balance; it’s not like the bank has all that paper currency sitting in its vault.
The ‘money’ in your account doesn’t even really exist. There’s just enough of a thin layer of confidence in the system (at the moment) that this is a widely accepted practice.
It seems rather strange when you think about it. Though for thousands of years, early civilizations had some pretty wild ideas about money.
There are examples from history of our ancestors using everything from animals skins, to salt, to giant stones, as their form of ‘money’.
Though I suppose these weren’t any more ridiculous than our version of money - pieces of paper that don’t even really exist, controlled by unelected central bankers.
Of course, over the last 5,000 years, there was at least one form of money that did make sense. And it stuck. I’m talking, of course, about gold.
It’s no accident that gold has become the most consistent form of money in world history.
The metal is uniquely suited to serve as currency, not only amongst precious metals, but compared against nearly everything else on the planet.
You can see for yourself by taking a look at the periodic table of elements, the scientist’s catalog of everything the world has to offer.
Many of the entries on the periodic table are immediately disqualified. Many elements are radioactive. Others are gasses that would be impossible to transport.
Still others are colorless, and hence indistinguishable from air.
Taking these out eliminates most of the list, and you’re left with just a few dozen metals.
Most of these, however, like copper or iron, can be easily eliminated as well. They’re simply too common. And a form of money is useless if it’s in too much abundance… a lesson that modern central bankers have completely forgotten.
Others (like cesium) are highly reactive and explode on contact with water, or at least corrode easily.
Clearly a currency that kills its holder, or can’t even maintain its physical state without debasing itself, is rather useless.
Even silver, which nearly passes every single test falters at the last point, because it tarnishes slightly in reaction to sulfur in the air.
So out of all the elements we’re left with just one that’s just right: gold.
Gold is inert and non-reactive. It’s stable. It holds its form over the long-term. It’s malleable and easily divisible. And it’s rare. But not too rare.
Judging by its chemical properties, it’s no accident that gold became the most widely-used currency in history.
Of course, defenders of the paper money concept call gold a “barbarous relic”, suggesting that it has no place in modern civilization. (Curiously, paper is also relic from long ago, dating back to the 2nd century AD in China...)
Yes it’s true that gold is a very old concept. But so is the wheel. Language. Arithmetic. And many other ideas passed down from the ages.
Just because something is ancient doesn’t mean it’s not RIGHT.
Empires rise and fall. Governments and central bankers come and go. Paper currencies lose their dominance.
But gold lasts.
And if you hold a long-term view, and believe that the path to prosperity is not paved in debt and money printing it makes sense to consider holding at least a small portion of your savings in the metal.
Quote of the Times;
In many modern novels there is portrayed a type of cold, selfish, sexless woman who plumes herself on being “respectable,” but who is really a rather less desirable member of society than a prostitute. Unfortunately the portrayal is true to life. The woman who shrinks from motherhood is as low a creature as a man of the professional pacificist, or poltroon, type, who shirks his duty as a soldier. - Roosevelt
Link of the Times;
http://pjmedia.com/
Gold?
Luke?
Best Fan Theories, Part 2
Doc was suicidal
The doc is ready to kill himself along with Marty in that parking lot during the first time travel scene. Not only has he never tested the time machine, but he claims that many of his inventions have been failures. So during the moment when he’s about to find out if his life’s work was a huge success, or a complete waste, he not only drives the Delorian towards himself, but grabs onto Marty when
he tries to run away. If that first time travel test was a failure, they both would have been killed, which is exactly what Doc wanted had the experiment been a failure.
Forest Gump was lied to
In the end, he isn’t Forrest’s son. Jenny just takes advantage of him after she learns that he’s a shrimp tycoon.
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is dead
Will actually died in the fight on the basketball court in West Philly. The taxi driver is actually God, who drives a “rare” cab. He takes Will to heaven, where he works out all his issues with his wealthy Aunt and Uncle. Will only sees his mother and father on special occasions, because that’s when they come to visit his grave.
Dr. Claw is not so bad
The Inspector we know is actually the second Inspector, built as a completely-robotic replacement after the first was lost in action. He was loaded with his old memories, and nobody would have been the wiser, except that the original Inspector Gadget didn’t actually die. Upon returning from whatever disaster caused his bosses to give up on him as KIA, and now horribly disfigured, he discovers this replacement living his life, even with his dog and raising his niece. The original Inspector snaps, and vows to devote the rest of his life to the destruction of the ungodly replacement. He disavows everything he once knew and loved, even going so far as to take a new name… DOCTOR CLAW!!
Friday and JFK
The song is about the JFK assassination. The driver of the car he was assassinated in’s name was Samuel Kickin (Kickin in the front seat, sittin in the back seat…). The assassination occurred on a Friday and when he was shot the Secret Service yelled at Jackie Kennedy to “get down” (got to get down on Friday). Parts about the cold war and the spread of Communism are referenced (everybody’s Russian) and to top it all off, in the hotel that morning JFK declined a breakfast of sausage, eggs and toast for a bowl of Bran Flakes instead (got to have my bowl- got to have cereal). Also, the following Monday JFK was supposed to sign a bill into law requiring all public schools to provide bus transportation for their students (got to catch my bus…).
Jon Snow
Game of Thrones fan. In the books it’s believed by everyone that Jon Snow is Eddard Stark’s son by some unknown woman. The fan theory states that he’s actually the son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen (Rhaegar’s abduction of Lyanna sparked the overthrow of the Targaryens). That means that he’s Daenerys’s nephew, an acceptable spouse for her in Targaryen terms, and possibly the legitimate heir to the Iron Throne.
JK Rowling is Rita Skeeter
Harry Potter: There’s a theory that JK Rowling is actually Rita Skeeter who was exiled from the magic world for reporting lies. She is so angry about being exiled that she decides to write books revealing the entirety of the magic world to the muggle world. To her dismay, the muggle world believes her stories to be fiction, but she becomes rich and famous anyway.
*.*
Just when I think I've finally met the perfect woman,
I discover she's too tall to fit into any of my mom's old clothes.
*.*
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*.*
Oneliners:
Nobody has seen all of a movie, due to blinking.
School is just "Desk Job Training".
At birth, we were all technically the world's youngest person for an extremely brief period.
When an animal dies, the soil gets fertilized so a vegetarian can eat.
Jump scares are the fart jokes of horror movies
In twenty years manbuns will be in the same category of societal shame as mullets.
I like to think that most of the ocean is unexplored because scientists decided we'd probably all sleep a lot better at night if we didn't know what the hell is down there.
Would an extremely empathetic masochist be a sadist?
Someone should do a garfieldminusgarfield for the movie.
I always wear 2 pairs of socks on a night out just in case I get caught short with no toilet paper.
*.*
The policeman was walking his beat when he saw two men fighting and a little boy standing alongside them crying, "Daddy, Daddy!"
The officer pulled the two men apart and, turning to the boy, asked, "Which one is your father, lad?"
"I don't know," the boy said, rubbing tears from his eyes. "That's what they're fighting about!"
Issue of the Times;
This Luke Skywalker Theory Destroys Everything You Thought You Knew About 'Star Wars'
One evening, while geeking out with my daughters I decided to share a theory I had with them about Star Wars -- specifically Return of the Jedi: Luke Skywalker turned to the Dark Side at the end of the trilogy. I shared this story with them because I think my theory is reinforced by trailer for the new movie.
It's pretty exciting stuff, and to me, rather telling. Especially after you watch the first preview again. There's been a lot of speculation on Kylo Ren and the bad guys in general -- if you haven't heard any of it you surely will. As my friend Mike Moore put it:
This, for me, is righting something that has never sat well with me: the oddball and underwhelming ending of Return of the Jedi.
Luke Turned
I've had this argument with friends so many times. Some think as I do; others remain convinced that Luke ended the original trilogy as a good guy.
I say he, in fact, had turned to the dark side and we watched it happen in blissful ignorance, choosing to believe that he would always be the good guy. Lucas wanted it this way so he could sell more toys. But there's way more to this story.
Seeing these previews I think my theory might be correct: Luke gave in to the dark side to save his friends and defeat Vader and the emperor. We don't know what will happen after that, and hopefully we'll find out in December and we'll see if I'm right.
Here are my arguments, in no particular order...
"The Cave... Remember Your Failure at the Cave..."
Yoda knew the whole time that Luke was on the same path as his Anakin. He was reluctant to train him and said flatly that Luke would give in to the dark side if he left Dagobah to save his friends. The most striking part of this whole sequence (Luke's training with Yoda) is the cave.
Many people (my friends included) put it off as foreshadowing Luke's discovery that Vader is his father. I think it's foreshadowing that Luke will become his father. Of course, you don't know Vader's his dad at this point -- but at the end of the film, when I thought back to the cave... it made perfect sense. It's good, solid plot juice. Becoming your parents (or trying not to) is a huge motivator.
And Luke failed, according to Yoda. More than that -- Yoda issued this warning which Luke completely ignored:
Only a fully trained Jedi Knight, with the Force as his ally, will conquer Vader and his emperor. If you end your training now... if you choose the quick and easy path as Vader did... you will become an agent of evil.
There it is: Yoda said it point blank. How many times has Yoda been wrong in the first six films? It's almost like he can see the future sometimes! He knew Luke was on a path to become his father and, by leaving, he failed at preventing it.
Told you I did, reckless is he... now... matters are worse.
This is the start of Luke's slide.
The Original Ending
The original ending of Return of the Jedi is incredibly hokey, but there is a poignant scene where Luke burns his dad's body and you could feel his tension and anger. None of this was supposed to happen according to this 2010 LA Times article (emphasis mine):
"We had an outline and George changed everything in it," Kurtz said. "Instead of bittersweet and poignant he wanted a euphoric ending with everybody happy...
The discussed ending of the film that Kurtz favored presented the rebel forces in tatters, Leia grappling with her new duties as queen and Luke walking off alone "like Clint Eastwood in the spaghetti westerns," as Kurtz put it.
This is where story and solid plot development separate from building a franchise designed to sell toys. It's widely known that Lucas favored toy sales over character and storyline. Again, from Kurtz:
I could see where things were headed," Kurtz said. "The toy business began to drive the [Lucasfilm] empire. It's a shame. They make three times as much on toys as they do on films. It's natural to make decisions that protect the toy business, but that's not the best thing for making quality films.
The first film and Empire were about story and character, but I could see that George's priorities were changing.
I so wish I saw the Return of the Jedi that Kurtz wanted. It would have made so much more sense. Empire built on the mythological core of Star Wars and worked on the natural tension that exists in the way we perceive good and evil. Luke thought he was doing good by racing to rescue his friends. Anakin thought he was doing good by confronting the Jedi Council and destroying the Order itself. A very blurred matter of perspective: trying to do good can be incredibly destructive.
Mark Hamill himself thought that Luke as a dark jedi was the natural turn of events:
As an actor that would be more fun to play. I just thought that's the way it was going from when we finished [Empire]. I figured that's what will be the pivotal moment. I'll have to come back, but it will be I have Han Solo in my crosshairs and I'll be about to kill him or about to kill the Princess or about to kill somebody that we care about. It's an old cornball movie, like World War II movies.
Again: solid plot juice. One has to wonder if Hamill played Luke this way despite what Lucas wanted, recognizing the need for Luke to have a clearer bit of motivation. I think he did just that.
Indeed, there is a clear change of character as we move from Empire to Return of the Jedi. Luke becomes more serious, a little more sinister, and rocks the uniform pretty well.
Nevertheless, I'm taking Captain Solo and his friends. You can either profit by this or be destroyed. It's your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my power.
Was that a threat? A touch of arrogance perhaps? No -- Luke would never!
As a token of my gratitude, I present to you these two droids. Both are hard working, and will serve you well...
One second. Hold on here -- was that a lie? Why yes, it was. Luke is giving in, he's drawn to the dark side. Wow... Luke lies. Keep that in mind.
You might be thinking nah, no way. Why would he do that? The answer is that he is destructively trying to do good and his training is not enough to allow him to see this. As Yoda warned, he is becoming an agent of evil.
Which actually comes in handy later on, because the only way he could beat his dad in a fight is ...
Luke Turned, We All Watched It
The emperor was working Luke pretty hard, and croaked in his guttural monotone
Take your weapon. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete.
And guess what? Luke tried.
Later in the sequence Luke loses it completely when Vader finds his soft spot (caring about his friends) and squeezes hard...
Saving friends, and now family. Vader has just threatened his sister and Luke gives in. This doesn't make sense if Luke has been a good guy the whole time. It makes perfect sense if he has indeed failed his training (which he did) and doesn't have the ability to withstand his dad. Whom he idolized and wanted to be just like, all of his life.
Easy to see. Easy to believe.
When I first saw this scene as a kid I remember being completely confused. I thought that of course Luke turned -- but only a little bit. After all, he needed the power from the dark side to beat his dad... right? And he acted like a complete maniac but it was only temporary and phew! he came back from the edge!
This, people, is a plot hole. It doesn't make any sense in terms of the story and also Luke's character. It doesn't follow Luke's motivation at all because he quite clearly doesn't have any motivation to stay a good guy. He's just seen what he could do with his dark powers (defeat the bad guys, save people).
"Your Hate Has Made You Powerful"
Luke confronted and defeated his father only by giving in to his fear and hatred -- driven by a desire to protect his sister, whom he loved dearly and who (basically) set him on this whole damn deal to begin with (help me Obi Wan Kenobi...). You can see this clearly as he swings away at Vader violently, beating on him with all the fear and rage that is swelling up in him... fired by a desire to protect his sister and friends.
This next scene is one of the most telling. When I first saw it I thought that Luke was realizing that he gave in and that's bad. What I think really happened was that Luke was filled with blood lust and a surge of satisfaction at his victory. Staring at his fist... marveling at his power. And why wouldn't he be? He just kicked Vader's ass. Come on, tell me you wouldn't feel that too!
The emperor sees this as well. He thinks he has won Luke over -- he even gloats a bit:
Good.... Now, fulfill your destiny... and take your father's place at my side.
From the emperor's perspective it seems like this is all wrapped up, no? Vader is lying there on the floor, Luke just turned, let's close the deal! But...
You can watch what happens next in two very different ways. The first, most obvious, is that Luke looks at his mechanical fist and then at his dad's severed hand and realizes what could happen -- oh no! Let's make sure we come back from this ledge and stay on the Good side. This makes no sense in terms of Luke's motivations.
Or, what I think, is that Luke looked at his fist and realized the effectiveness of his new power. Soaked in the revenge (the movie was entitled Revenge of the Jedi originally, I think this is why) and let the hatred indeed fill him... indeed make him powerful.
Now, watch as he turns, rises, and faces the emperor full of arrogance and brimming with dark power. I think Hamill played this scene brilliantly:
Never. I'll never turn to the dark side. You've failed your highness, I am a Jedi, like my father before me...
This would seemingly blow a hole in my story. Luke just flatly said he would never turn. He monologs for a bit about why he'll be a Good Guy, always. He's also lying through his teeth (like he did to Jabba, above). But why would he lie? Because he has to take out the emperor, and he knows his dad (Vader) is weak and vulnerable.
What happens next is a bit of deja vu. The emperor has realized that he has created just a little bit more than an apprentice -- he's created a rival. Why else would the emperor stop with the taunts right then? The emperor has Luke exactly where he wants him -- it doesn't make any sense to stop now!
Unless the emperor fears Luke. As he should -- he just took Vader out of the equation.
The emperor tries to destroy him with the old shock treatment in the same way we saw in Revenge of the Sith (facing off against Mace Windu). In that scene, Palpatine played on the sympathies of Anakin to cut Windu's hands off so he could toss Windu out the window.
In this scene, Luke plays his dad in the exact same way to toss the emperor into the abyss. Ahh symbolism.
That shock treatment? He basically brushed it off. Luke is a badass. It's the only way this whole scene makes any sense at all.
Watch Those Scenes Again
Watch Luke's eyes as he watches Vader die. Now, rather than the obvious thing (that Luke is thinking about a lost relationship with his dad) -- consider that Luke is upset about not being able to rule the galaxy as father and son.
It might not seem plausible, but it's the only thing that ties up this gaping plot hole.
Consider Luke's primary motivation at the very beginning: to find out more about his father, and to be a great pilot and jedi just like him. Is it so unreasonable to think he did just that? He was betrayed by the person he trusted most (Obiwan not telling him about his dad) and Yoda warned him about his failure. The motivation is clear.
Watch Return of the Jedi again, but this time with the idea that Luke is actually drawn to his dad's power and doesn't have the ability/training to resist using it to destructively do Good. His demeanor is a little more serious throughout and he has a very palpable dark edge.
Jabba the Hutt found out what happens when you cross Luke... which reminds me of something...
I...I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead, every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women and the children, too.
Quote of the Times;
“A little government involvement is just as dangerous as a lot because the first leads inevitably to the second.” – Brown
Link of the Times;
http://www.looper.com/
Doc was suicidal
The doc is ready to kill himself along with Marty in that parking lot during the first time travel scene. Not only has he never tested the time machine, but he claims that many of his inventions have been failures. So during the moment when he’s about to find out if his life’s work was a huge success, or a complete waste, he not only drives the Delorian towards himself, but grabs onto Marty when
he tries to run away. If that first time travel test was a failure, they both would have been killed, which is exactly what Doc wanted had the experiment been a failure.
Forest Gump was lied to
In the end, he isn’t Forrest’s son. Jenny just takes advantage of him after she learns that he’s a shrimp tycoon.
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is dead
Will actually died in the fight on the basketball court in West Philly. The taxi driver is actually God, who drives a “rare” cab. He takes Will to heaven, where he works out all his issues with his wealthy Aunt and Uncle. Will only sees his mother and father on special occasions, because that’s when they come to visit his grave.
Dr. Claw is not so bad
The Inspector we know is actually the second Inspector, built as a completely-robotic replacement after the first was lost in action. He was loaded with his old memories, and nobody would have been the wiser, except that the original Inspector Gadget didn’t actually die. Upon returning from whatever disaster caused his bosses to give up on him as KIA, and now horribly disfigured, he discovers this replacement living his life, even with his dog and raising his niece. The original Inspector snaps, and vows to devote the rest of his life to the destruction of the ungodly replacement. He disavows everything he once knew and loved, even going so far as to take a new name… DOCTOR CLAW!!
Friday and JFK
The song is about the JFK assassination. The driver of the car he was assassinated in’s name was Samuel Kickin (Kickin in the front seat, sittin in the back seat…). The assassination occurred on a Friday and when he was shot the Secret Service yelled at Jackie Kennedy to “get down” (got to get down on Friday). Parts about the cold war and the spread of Communism are referenced (everybody’s Russian) and to top it all off, in the hotel that morning JFK declined a breakfast of sausage, eggs and toast for a bowl of Bran Flakes instead (got to have my bowl- got to have cereal). Also, the following Monday JFK was supposed to sign a bill into law requiring all public schools to provide bus transportation for their students (got to catch my bus…).
Jon Snow
Game of Thrones fan. In the books it’s believed by everyone that Jon Snow is Eddard Stark’s son by some unknown woman. The fan theory states that he’s actually the son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen (Rhaegar’s abduction of Lyanna sparked the overthrow of the Targaryens). That means that he’s Daenerys’s nephew, an acceptable spouse for her in Targaryen terms, and possibly the legitimate heir to the Iron Throne.
JK Rowling is Rita Skeeter
Harry Potter: There’s a theory that JK Rowling is actually Rita Skeeter who was exiled from the magic world for reporting lies. She is so angry about being exiled that she decides to write books revealing the entirety of the magic world to the muggle world. To her dismay, the muggle world believes her stories to be fiction, but she becomes rich and famous anyway.
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Just when I think I've finally met the perfect woman,
I discover she's too tall to fit into any of my mom's old clothes.
*.*
Fresh Unicode emoticons list:
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¦̵̱ ̵̱ ̵̱ ̵̱ ̵̱(̢ ̡͇̅└͇̅┘͇̅ (▤8כ−◦ What about Bender?
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Oneliners:
Nobody has seen all of a movie, due to blinking.
School is just "Desk Job Training".
At birth, we were all technically the world's youngest person for an extremely brief period.
When an animal dies, the soil gets fertilized so a vegetarian can eat.
Jump scares are the fart jokes of horror movies
In twenty years manbuns will be in the same category of societal shame as mullets.
I like to think that most of the ocean is unexplored because scientists decided we'd probably all sleep a lot better at night if we didn't know what the hell is down there.
Would an extremely empathetic masochist be a sadist?
Someone should do a garfieldminusgarfield for the movie.
I always wear 2 pairs of socks on a night out just in case I get caught short with no toilet paper.
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The policeman was walking his beat when he saw two men fighting and a little boy standing alongside them crying, "Daddy, Daddy!"
The officer pulled the two men apart and, turning to the boy, asked, "Which one is your father, lad?"
"I don't know," the boy said, rubbing tears from his eyes. "That's what they're fighting about!"
Issue of the Times;
This Luke Skywalker Theory Destroys Everything You Thought You Knew About 'Star Wars'
One evening, while geeking out with my daughters I decided to share a theory I had with them about Star Wars -- specifically Return of the Jedi: Luke Skywalker turned to the Dark Side at the end of the trilogy. I shared this story with them because I think my theory is reinforced by trailer for the new movie.
It's pretty exciting stuff, and to me, rather telling. Especially after you watch the first preview again. There's been a lot of speculation on Kylo Ren and the bad guys in general -- if you haven't heard any of it you surely will. As my friend Mike Moore put it:
This, for me, is righting something that has never sat well with me: the oddball and underwhelming ending of Return of the Jedi.
Luke Turned
I've had this argument with friends so many times. Some think as I do; others remain convinced that Luke ended the original trilogy as a good guy.
I say he, in fact, had turned to the dark side and we watched it happen in blissful ignorance, choosing to believe that he would always be the good guy. Lucas wanted it this way so he could sell more toys. But there's way more to this story.
Seeing these previews I think my theory might be correct: Luke gave in to the dark side to save his friends and defeat Vader and the emperor. We don't know what will happen after that, and hopefully we'll find out in December and we'll see if I'm right.
Here are my arguments, in no particular order...
"The Cave... Remember Your Failure at the Cave..."
Yoda knew the whole time that Luke was on the same path as his Anakin. He was reluctant to train him and said flatly that Luke would give in to the dark side if he left Dagobah to save his friends. The most striking part of this whole sequence (Luke's training with Yoda) is the cave.
Many people (my friends included) put it off as foreshadowing Luke's discovery that Vader is his father. I think it's foreshadowing that Luke will become his father. Of course, you don't know Vader's his dad at this point -- but at the end of the film, when I thought back to the cave... it made perfect sense. It's good, solid plot juice. Becoming your parents (or trying not to) is a huge motivator.
And Luke failed, according to Yoda. More than that -- Yoda issued this warning which Luke completely ignored:
Only a fully trained Jedi Knight, with the Force as his ally, will conquer Vader and his emperor. If you end your training now... if you choose the quick and easy path as Vader did... you will become an agent of evil.
There it is: Yoda said it point blank. How many times has Yoda been wrong in the first six films? It's almost like he can see the future sometimes! He knew Luke was on a path to become his father and, by leaving, he failed at preventing it.
Told you I did, reckless is he... now... matters are worse.
This is the start of Luke's slide.
The Original Ending
The original ending of Return of the Jedi is incredibly hokey, but there is a poignant scene where Luke burns his dad's body and you could feel his tension and anger. None of this was supposed to happen according to this 2010 LA Times article (emphasis mine):
"We had an outline and George changed everything in it," Kurtz said. "Instead of bittersweet and poignant he wanted a euphoric ending with everybody happy...
The discussed ending of the film that Kurtz favored presented the rebel forces in tatters, Leia grappling with her new duties as queen and Luke walking off alone "like Clint Eastwood in the spaghetti westerns," as Kurtz put it.
This is where story and solid plot development separate from building a franchise designed to sell toys. It's widely known that Lucas favored toy sales over character and storyline. Again, from Kurtz:
I could see where things were headed," Kurtz said. "The toy business began to drive the [Lucasfilm] empire. It's a shame. They make three times as much on toys as they do on films. It's natural to make decisions that protect the toy business, but that's not the best thing for making quality films.
The first film and Empire were about story and character, but I could see that George's priorities were changing.
I so wish I saw the Return of the Jedi that Kurtz wanted. It would have made so much more sense. Empire built on the mythological core of Star Wars and worked on the natural tension that exists in the way we perceive good and evil. Luke thought he was doing good by racing to rescue his friends. Anakin thought he was doing good by confronting the Jedi Council and destroying the Order itself. A very blurred matter of perspective: trying to do good can be incredibly destructive.
Mark Hamill himself thought that Luke as a dark jedi was the natural turn of events:
As an actor that would be more fun to play. I just thought that's the way it was going from when we finished [Empire]. I figured that's what will be the pivotal moment. I'll have to come back, but it will be I have Han Solo in my crosshairs and I'll be about to kill him or about to kill the Princess or about to kill somebody that we care about. It's an old cornball movie, like World War II movies.
Again: solid plot juice. One has to wonder if Hamill played Luke this way despite what Lucas wanted, recognizing the need for Luke to have a clearer bit of motivation. I think he did just that.
Indeed, there is a clear change of character as we move from Empire to Return of the Jedi. Luke becomes more serious, a little more sinister, and rocks the uniform pretty well.
Nevertheless, I'm taking Captain Solo and his friends. You can either profit by this or be destroyed. It's your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my power.
Was that a threat? A touch of arrogance perhaps? No -- Luke would never!
As a token of my gratitude, I present to you these two droids. Both are hard working, and will serve you well...
One second. Hold on here -- was that a lie? Why yes, it was. Luke is giving in, he's drawn to the dark side. Wow... Luke lies. Keep that in mind.
You might be thinking nah, no way. Why would he do that? The answer is that he is destructively trying to do good and his training is not enough to allow him to see this. As Yoda warned, he is becoming an agent of evil.
Which actually comes in handy later on, because the only way he could beat his dad in a fight is ...
Luke Turned, We All Watched It
The emperor was working Luke pretty hard, and croaked in his guttural monotone
Take your weapon. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete.
And guess what? Luke tried.
Later in the sequence Luke loses it completely when Vader finds his soft spot (caring about his friends) and squeezes hard...
Saving friends, and now family. Vader has just threatened his sister and Luke gives in. This doesn't make sense if Luke has been a good guy the whole time. It makes perfect sense if he has indeed failed his training (which he did) and doesn't have the ability to withstand his dad. Whom he idolized and wanted to be just like, all of his life.
Easy to see. Easy to believe.
When I first saw this scene as a kid I remember being completely confused. I thought that of course Luke turned -- but only a little bit. After all, he needed the power from the dark side to beat his dad... right? And he acted like a complete maniac but it was only temporary and phew! he came back from the edge!
This, people, is a plot hole. It doesn't make any sense in terms of the story and also Luke's character. It doesn't follow Luke's motivation at all because he quite clearly doesn't have any motivation to stay a good guy. He's just seen what he could do with his dark powers (defeat the bad guys, save people).
"Your Hate Has Made You Powerful"
Luke confronted and defeated his father only by giving in to his fear and hatred -- driven by a desire to protect his sister, whom he loved dearly and who (basically) set him on this whole damn deal to begin with (help me Obi Wan Kenobi...). You can see this clearly as he swings away at Vader violently, beating on him with all the fear and rage that is swelling up in him... fired by a desire to protect his sister and friends.
This next scene is one of the most telling. When I first saw it I thought that Luke was realizing that he gave in and that's bad. What I think really happened was that Luke was filled with blood lust and a surge of satisfaction at his victory. Staring at his fist... marveling at his power. And why wouldn't he be? He just kicked Vader's ass. Come on, tell me you wouldn't feel that too!
The emperor sees this as well. He thinks he has won Luke over -- he even gloats a bit:
Good.... Now, fulfill your destiny... and take your father's place at my side.
From the emperor's perspective it seems like this is all wrapped up, no? Vader is lying there on the floor, Luke just turned, let's close the deal! But...
You can watch what happens next in two very different ways. The first, most obvious, is that Luke looks at his mechanical fist and then at his dad's severed hand and realizes what could happen -- oh no! Let's make sure we come back from this ledge and stay on the Good side. This makes no sense in terms of Luke's motivations.
Or, what I think, is that Luke looked at his fist and realized the effectiveness of his new power. Soaked in the revenge (the movie was entitled Revenge of the Jedi originally, I think this is why) and let the hatred indeed fill him... indeed make him powerful.
Now, watch as he turns, rises, and faces the emperor full of arrogance and brimming with dark power. I think Hamill played this scene brilliantly:
Never. I'll never turn to the dark side. You've failed your highness, I am a Jedi, like my father before me...
This would seemingly blow a hole in my story. Luke just flatly said he would never turn. He monologs for a bit about why he'll be a Good Guy, always. He's also lying through his teeth (like he did to Jabba, above). But why would he lie? Because he has to take out the emperor, and he knows his dad (Vader) is weak and vulnerable.
What happens next is a bit of deja vu. The emperor has realized that he has created just a little bit more than an apprentice -- he's created a rival. Why else would the emperor stop with the taunts right then? The emperor has Luke exactly where he wants him -- it doesn't make any sense to stop now!
Unless the emperor fears Luke. As he should -- he just took Vader out of the equation.
The emperor tries to destroy him with the old shock treatment in the same way we saw in Revenge of the Sith (facing off against Mace Windu). In that scene, Palpatine played on the sympathies of Anakin to cut Windu's hands off so he could toss Windu out the window.
In this scene, Luke plays his dad in the exact same way to toss the emperor into the abyss. Ahh symbolism.
That shock treatment? He basically brushed it off. Luke is a badass. It's the only way this whole scene makes any sense at all.
Watch Those Scenes Again
Watch Luke's eyes as he watches Vader die. Now, rather than the obvious thing (that Luke is thinking about a lost relationship with his dad) -- consider that Luke is upset about not being able to rule the galaxy as father and son.
It might not seem plausible, but it's the only thing that ties up this gaping plot hole.
Consider Luke's primary motivation at the very beginning: to find out more about his father, and to be a great pilot and jedi just like him. Is it so unreasonable to think he did just that? He was betrayed by the person he trusted most (Obiwan not telling him about his dad) and Yoda warned him about his failure. The motivation is clear.
Watch Return of the Jedi again, but this time with the idea that Luke is actually drawn to his dad's power and doesn't have the ability/training to resist using it to destructively do Good. His demeanor is a little more serious throughout and he has a very palpable dark edge.
Jabba the Hutt found out what happens when you cross Luke... which reminds me of something...
I...I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead, every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women and the children, too.
Quote of the Times;
“A little government involvement is just as dangerous as a lot because the first leads inevitably to the second.” – Brown
Link of the Times;
http://www.looper.com/
Laugh?
Oneliners:
The older I get, the more enthusiastically I respond to people asking if I want some tea.
The Russian subreddit should be called r/ussian
If I have an opinion that a fact is a fact, and that fact is, in fact, a fact, does that make my opinion a fact?
I wonder if Morgan Freeman uses his own voice to sooth himself to sleep at night,by talking about himself in the third person.
When making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, is it best to: Dip the jelly-covered knife in the peanutbutter jar? Or, dip the peanut butter-covered knife in the jelly jar?
Assuming someone is gay is like assuming someone is pregnant. Keep it to yourself or you might get bitch slapped.
Rocking chairs are just old people's kids swings
"secretary" is a great password for porn sites because it's the longest word you can type entirely with your left hand
Any young man who says that he is marrying his best friend should try talking to her about the coworker he'd like to nail. Because that's what real best friends talk about.
School doesn't test your intelligence, it test your memory.
We dump so much stupid bullshit on the internet... Archaeologists are going to be ecstatic !
Does it piss you off that the United states of America is probably the only country that doesn't have a name. Were just some United states in America.
Everyone's body is possessed by their own ghost
All weather is sweater weather if you're a sheep.
What if the people saying "The South will rise again" are trying to warn us about the magnetic poles switching?
You've never heard a real Beethoven, Mozart, or Bach song. Only covers.
Children falling over is funny. Adults falling over is serious.
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Obama To Continue Airstrikes On Hospitals In Afghanistan Beyond 2016
WASHINGTON — When President Barack Obama leaves the White House in 2016, his successor will take command of the ongoing mission of bombing civilian hospitals in Afghanistan, sources confirmed today.
“While America’s combat mission in Afghanistan may be over, our commitment to Afghanistan and its people endures,” said Obama, in a brief statement from the Roosevelt Room of the White House. “I will not allow Afghanistan to be used as a safe haven for civilians to shelter from our nation again.”
In a reversal of his previous decision to withdraw thousands of unused American gunships, jets, and bombs from Afghanistan, Obama announced Thursday that he would maintain a presence in the country through 2017, indefinitely prolonging the U.S. mission of counterterrorism at hospitals, wedding parties, and other dangerous hotbeds of civilian activity.
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Teacher asks Johnny; “If a=b, b=c & a=c tell me the example.”
Johnny replies; “I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.”
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I really think folks are missing the point.
While Microsoft's alliance with Satan and subsequent plans for world domination are kind of bad, the *real* evil that needs to be exposed is the fact that the Windows operating system cheats at "Hearts."
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girlfriend noun girl·friend \ˈgər(-ə)l-ˌfrend\ An addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies and division of friends.
Issue of the Times;
The Last Laugh by David Cole
When a San Francisco high school principal named Lena Van Haren withheld student-body election results last week due to a lack of black and Latino winners (the victorious candidates were Asian and white), the right exploded in understandable anger. To conservative commentators, the principal’s actions conjured up images of racial political correctness gone wild. To me, however, the story conjured up different images: naked high school girls, beheaded students, and the death of “dangerous” comedy in the U.S. at the hands of the left and the right.
National Lampoon magazine, in its prime (the 1970s and very early ’80s), was something that simply could not exist today. With a staff made up of liberal and conservative writers and editors pursuing one simple goal—to be funny—National Lampoon made equal sport of the left and right. Perhaps more important, the Lampoon was politically incorrect to an insane degree (an impossible degree, by today’s standards). These days, when people reflect, nostalgically or angrily, on the Lampoon’s fearlessness regarding things like race and ethnicity, they’re likely to think of P.J. O’Rourke’s “Foreigners Around the World” piece from May 1976. It still gets mentioned because O’Rourke is still a presence on the right. But O’Rourke’s piece has nothing on an illustrated feature from the April 1978 Lampoon. Thirty-seven years before Principal Van Haren decided to give her students a lesson in the heavy hand of “diverse democracy,” Shary Flenniken, a seminal figure in National Lampoon history (she was one of the few women to work her way up from writer and artist to a position as editor), crafted a four-page comic spread that managed to be funny, insightful, and devastatingly politically incorrect. The strip is called “Whiteface,” which should give you an idea of why you can’t find it anywhere online except buried in the National Lampoon Internet archive.
Flenniken’s recurring character Bonnie, a blond, precocious 13-year-old, arrives at school on student-body election day, eager to participate in the grand democratic process. Sadly, Bonnie learns that the faculty members, who are boarded up in the teachers’ lounge, have turned the election over to black nationalist student Itty Bitty Meanie Mohammed, a middle school Idi Amin wannabe who has declared that only black students can participate. Bonnie’s black friend puts her in blackface and an Afro wig so she can be smuggled into the auditorium to hear Mohammed’s victory speech, which consists of promises of “culturally-oriented IQ exams,” an “ethnic dress code,” a Lincoln Continental in the driver’s-ed class, and Boone’s Farm wine in the cafeteria. Mohammed forces all the schoolgirls to strip naked and dance for him, which exposes Bonnie’s white body. Furious that a black traitor has smuggled an evil “Nordic” into his victory celebration, Mohammed seals the auditorium as Bonnie escapes, promising to “eliminate” all disloyal black students.
The final panel is almost certainly the most brutal image ever featured in a mainstream American comic strip. The next day, the white students notice how peaceful everything is, how devoid of racial unrest. As Bonnie goes to her locker, we see the bloody, decapitated heads of the black students, one per locker, murdered in Mohammed’s purge, as Bonnie’s friend explains that Mohammed has now “transferred to a school with a broader power base.”
It’s a gut punch of a payoff. The images are brutal because the subject matter is. Yet it’s impossible to read it in 2015 without knowing that it could never be published today in any mainstream publication, left, center, or right. A mainstream conservatism that declared John Derbyshire a racist embarrassment to be jettisoned and apologized for would never invite the backlash that would inevitably follow publishing the things that O’Rourke and the other Lampoon editors allowed in the ’70s. This gives racial despots like Principal Van Haren an edge. They know that any criticism or satire of their vision of race-based democracy will be limited by boundaries that even their harshest opponents have agreed to adhere to.
I spoke to the cartoonist, Shary Flenniken, about her motivation for creating “Whiteface.” Regarding her own political views, she is the opposite of a conservative or right-winger. She explained that, as someone who identifies primarily with the left, she was always fascinated by the fact that “radical” leftists so often pick on the oppressed they claim to be defending. The desire to satirize this leftist trait began after the Patty Hearst kidnapping. Flenniken, then a newbie cartoonist, was perplexed that the SLA thought it would be effective to kidnap and repeatedly rape a young woman in the name of ending “patriarchal oppression.” By the time she was at the Lampoon, Flenniken saw in the brutal excesses of Idi Amin a vehicle to explore the question “Why are black people killing other black people in Africa?”
“It didn’t make sense to me,” Flenniken told me. “And now it does. I look back and I go, like, ‘Oh, duh, there’s tribal warfare, there’s a lot of reasons that happens.’ But at the time, I was just so naive about, I guess, about race.” Back then, she used her art to work through that naïveté, and she laments that today’s artists, because the climate is so different, would not be able to explore an issue like black-on-black crime—an issue she agrees is every bit if not more relevant today as it was in ’78—with the same freedom she had in the Lampoon’s heyday. But in the end, Flenniken said, the strip was primarily about humor: “I thought that was really funny, to bring Idi Amin into that environment, to put something that evil into a high school environment. Also, at the time, the direction at Lampoon was to be outrageous. And my own instinct is to be outrageous.”
Sadly, these days, that instinct among comedians and satirists is smothered. And while it’s neat and tidy to put all the blame on the PC left, that’s not the reality. The right bears equal responsibility. The left may have dropped the ball regarding outrageous, politically incorrect humor, but the right shows little sign of wanting to recover it. While the left may be blinded by political correctness, the right has never shaken the prudishness that gave birth to the American Family Association and its mindless boycotts (in fact, the AFA was the topic of my very first L.A. Times op-ed), exactly twenty years ago). The AFA’s “kill it if you don’t understand it” mentality is even more prevalent in an age in which social media rewards manufactured outrage. The end result is that conservative-friendly satirists who try to go for Lampoon-style outrageousness more often than not find themselves on the receiving end of angry posts and boycott calls from the right.
Mike Judge (King of the Hill) has always been uniquely adept at inserting conservative-friendly themes into his work, in a manner that is never preachy and (more important) usually funny. Episode 5 of his HBO comedy series Silicon Valley contained a story arc that should have had conservatives cheering. The episode followed the characters’ attempts to create an “edgy” logo for their tech start-up. Looking for “street cred,” they go to a leftist graffiti artist named Chuy Ramirez. Chuy fancies himself an expert on all things Latino, yet he confuses the company’s Pakistani employee for a Latino (a clever twist on the old gag of white Archie Bunker types who can’t tell minorities apart).
The resulting logo, which has nothing to do with what he was paid to create, depicts the Pakistani employee wearing an Aztec headdress while having sex with the Statue of Liberty from behind. Chuy pretentiously explains that it’s a symbol of “the Latino struggle for justice in America,” as the white characters debate how to tell him they don’t like it without appearing racist. The graffiti artist is the butt of the joke; given the opportunity to do something creative, he demonstrates that all he is capable of is crass, obscene anti-Americanism, which he cloaks in faux “Latino pride.” But conservatives didn’t get the joke. The right-wing “think tank” Media Research Center slammed the episode as “anti-American,” and the MRC’s Facebook page was flooded with indignant comments:
GROSS, AND THEY SHOULD BE ARRESTED AND JAILED!!!!!... I think whoever is responsible should be charged with indecency and face criminal charges. ... It is really the Gay Rights Organization behind it!!!!! ... The show was to promote the “Latino struggle in America”??? And this is going to make the so-called struggle better in what way?... Disgusting…....they need to leave our country if that’s what they think is art. ... Is this what Latinos see themselves doing to the United States of America? Raping the nation? Disgusting! ... It’s how Jews train white people to be passive and accept humiliation along with Jewish rule. ... Tell Chuy to go back to Mexico if he is offended by our government and symbols of freedom. ... He should be shot. ... Satan’s maggots!
The one or two commenters who got the joke and tried to explain it were quickly overwhelmed by the others (and, for the record, “Satan’s Maggots” was the name of my college metal band). This exact same situation was repeated with last month’s South Park season opener, which showed Donald Trump being anally violated. Conservative Facebook pages and news sites were filled with the typical chest-pounding: “I don’t watch that piece of filth, but I bet they’d never do nothin’ insulting about Hillary Clinton” (conservatives are so darling when they opine about shows they proudly state they never watch). In fact, South Park, a reliably right/libertarian-leaning show, has most certainly been disrespectful to Hillary, once depicting her as having a terrorist bomb hidden in her vagina. Little difference that made; the Trump episode led to the typical “Ban the show! Arrest the queer perverts!” comments.
Anyone who thinks conservatives can or will step in as the left continues to sanitize comedy is sorely misguided. The kind of merciless, unashamed, unapologetic satire championed by the old National Lampoon will find no quarter these days on the left or the right. It’s to the detriment of society, and to the benefit of today’s Itty Bitty Meanie Mohammeds, like would-be election rigger Principal Lena Van Haren.
Quote of the Times;
"Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end. - Liberty is the only object which benefits all alike, and provokes no sincere opposition - The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern. - Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." - Lord Action
Link of the Times;
http://akinokure.blogspot.com/
The older I get, the more enthusiastically I respond to people asking if I want some tea.
The Russian subreddit should be called r/ussian
If I have an opinion that a fact is a fact, and that fact is, in fact, a fact, does that make my opinion a fact?
I wonder if Morgan Freeman uses his own voice to sooth himself to sleep at night,by talking about himself in the third person.
When making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, is it best to: Dip the jelly-covered knife in the peanutbutter jar? Or, dip the peanut butter-covered knife in the jelly jar?
Assuming someone is gay is like assuming someone is pregnant. Keep it to yourself or you might get bitch slapped.
Rocking chairs are just old people's kids swings
"secretary" is a great password for porn sites because it's the longest word you can type entirely with your left hand
Any young man who says that he is marrying his best friend should try talking to her about the coworker he'd like to nail. Because that's what real best friends talk about.
School doesn't test your intelligence, it test your memory.
We dump so much stupid bullshit on the internet... Archaeologists are going to be ecstatic !
Does it piss you off that the United states of America is probably the only country that doesn't have a name. Were just some United states in America.
Everyone's body is possessed by their own ghost
All weather is sweater weather if you're a sheep.
What if the people saying "The South will rise again" are trying to warn us about the magnetic poles switching?
You've never heard a real Beethoven, Mozart, or Bach song. Only covers.
Children falling over is funny. Adults falling over is serious.
*.*
Obama To Continue Airstrikes On Hospitals In Afghanistan Beyond 2016
WASHINGTON — When President Barack Obama leaves the White House in 2016, his successor will take command of the ongoing mission of bombing civilian hospitals in Afghanistan, sources confirmed today.
“While America’s combat mission in Afghanistan may be over, our commitment to Afghanistan and its people endures,” said Obama, in a brief statement from the Roosevelt Room of the White House. “I will not allow Afghanistan to be used as a safe haven for civilians to shelter from our nation again.”
In a reversal of his previous decision to withdraw thousands of unused American gunships, jets, and bombs from Afghanistan, Obama announced Thursday that he would maintain a presence in the country through 2017, indefinitely prolonging the U.S. mission of counterterrorism at hospitals, wedding parties, and other dangerous hotbeds of civilian activity.
*.*
Teacher asks Johnny; “If a=b, b=c & a=c tell me the example.”
Johnny replies; “I love u - u love your daughter - so I love your daughter.”
*.*
I really think folks are missing the point.
While Microsoft's alliance with Satan and subsequent plans for world domination are kind of bad, the *real* evil that needs to be exposed is the fact that the Windows operating system cheats at "Hearts."
*.*
girlfriend noun girl·friend \ˈgər(-ə)l-ˌfrend\ An addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies and division of friends.
Issue of the Times;
The Last Laugh by David Cole
When a San Francisco high school principal named Lena Van Haren withheld student-body election results last week due to a lack of black and Latino winners (the victorious candidates were Asian and white), the right exploded in understandable anger. To conservative commentators, the principal’s actions conjured up images of racial political correctness gone wild. To me, however, the story conjured up different images: naked high school girls, beheaded students, and the death of “dangerous” comedy in the U.S. at the hands of the left and the right.
National Lampoon magazine, in its prime (the 1970s and very early ’80s), was something that simply could not exist today. With a staff made up of liberal and conservative writers and editors pursuing one simple goal—to be funny—National Lampoon made equal sport of the left and right. Perhaps more important, the Lampoon was politically incorrect to an insane degree (an impossible degree, by today’s standards). These days, when people reflect, nostalgically or angrily, on the Lampoon’s fearlessness regarding things like race and ethnicity, they’re likely to think of P.J. O’Rourke’s “Foreigners Around the World” piece from May 1976. It still gets mentioned because O’Rourke is still a presence on the right. But O’Rourke’s piece has nothing on an illustrated feature from the April 1978 Lampoon. Thirty-seven years before Principal Van Haren decided to give her students a lesson in the heavy hand of “diverse democracy,” Shary Flenniken, a seminal figure in National Lampoon history (she was one of the few women to work her way up from writer and artist to a position as editor), crafted a four-page comic spread that managed to be funny, insightful, and devastatingly politically incorrect. The strip is called “Whiteface,” which should give you an idea of why you can’t find it anywhere online except buried in the National Lampoon Internet archive.
Flenniken’s recurring character Bonnie, a blond, precocious 13-year-old, arrives at school on student-body election day, eager to participate in the grand democratic process. Sadly, Bonnie learns that the faculty members, who are boarded up in the teachers’ lounge, have turned the election over to black nationalist student Itty Bitty Meanie Mohammed, a middle school Idi Amin wannabe who has declared that only black students can participate. Bonnie’s black friend puts her in blackface and an Afro wig so she can be smuggled into the auditorium to hear Mohammed’s victory speech, which consists of promises of “culturally-oriented IQ exams,” an “ethnic dress code,” a Lincoln Continental in the driver’s-ed class, and Boone’s Farm wine in the cafeteria. Mohammed forces all the schoolgirls to strip naked and dance for him, which exposes Bonnie’s white body. Furious that a black traitor has smuggled an evil “Nordic” into his victory celebration, Mohammed seals the auditorium as Bonnie escapes, promising to “eliminate” all disloyal black students.
The final panel is almost certainly the most brutal image ever featured in a mainstream American comic strip. The next day, the white students notice how peaceful everything is, how devoid of racial unrest. As Bonnie goes to her locker, we see the bloody, decapitated heads of the black students, one per locker, murdered in Mohammed’s purge, as Bonnie’s friend explains that Mohammed has now “transferred to a school with a broader power base.”
It’s a gut punch of a payoff. The images are brutal because the subject matter is. Yet it’s impossible to read it in 2015 without knowing that it could never be published today in any mainstream publication, left, center, or right. A mainstream conservatism that declared John Derbyshire a racist embarrassment to be jettisoned and apologized for would never invite the backlash that would inevitably follow publishing the things that O’Rourke and the other Lampoon editors allowed in the ’70s. This gives racial despots like Principal Van Haren an edge. They know that any criticism or satire of their vision of race-based democracy will be limited by boundaries that even their harshest opponents have agreed to adhere to.
I spoke to the cartoonist, Shary Flenniken, about her motivation for creating “Whiteface.” Regarding her own political views, she is the opposite of a conservative or right-winger. She explained that, as someone who identifies primarily with the left, she was always fascinated by the fact that “radical” leftists so often pick on the oppressed they claim to be defending. The desire to satirize this leftist trait began after the Patty Hearst kidnapping. Flenniken, then a newbie cartoonist, was perplexed that the SLA thought it would be effective to kidnap and repeatedly rape a young woman in the name of ending “patriarchal oppression.” By the time she was at the Lampoon, Flenniken saw in the brutal excesses of Idi Amin a vehicle to explore the question “Why are black people killing other black people in Africa?”
“It didn’t make sense to me,” Flenniken told me. “And now it does. I look back and I go, like, ‘Oh, duh, there’s tribal warfare, there’s a lot of reasons that happens.’ But at the time, I was just so naive about, I guess, about race.” Back then, she used her art to work through that naïveté, and she laments that today’s artists, because the climate is so different, would not be able to explore an issue like black-on-black crime—an issue she agrees is every bit if not more relevant today as it was in ’78—with the same freedom she had in the Lampoon’s heyday. But in the end, Flenniken said, the strip was primarily about humor: “I thought that was really funny, to bring Idi Amin into that environment, to put something that evil into a high school environment. Also, at the time, the direction at Lampoon was to be outrageous. And my own instinct is to be outrageous.”
Sadly, these days, that instinct among comedians and satirists is smothered. And while it’s neat and tidy to put all the blame on the PC left, that’s not the reality. The right bears equal responsibility. The left may have dropped the ball regarding outrageous, politically incorrect humor, but the right shows little sign of wanting to recover it. While the left may be blinded by political correctness, the right has never shaken the prudishness that gave birth to the American Family Association and its mindless boycotts (in fact, the AFA was the topic of my very first L.A. Times op-ed), exactly twenty years ago). The AFA’s “kill it if you don’t understand it” mentality is even more prevalent in an age in which social media rewards manufactured outrage. The end result is that conservative-friendly satirists who try to go for Lampoon-style outrageousness more often than not find themselves on the receiving end of angry posts and boycott calls from the right.
Mike Judge (King of the Hill) has always been uniquely adept at inserting conservative-friendly themes into his work, in a manner that is never preachy and (more important) usually funny. Episode 5 of his HBO comedy series Silicon Valley contained a story arc that should have had conservatives cheering. The episode followed the characters’ attempts to create an “edgy” logo for their tech start-up. Looking for “street cred,” they go to a leftist graffiti artist named Chuy Ramirez. Chuy fancies himself an expert on all things Latino, yet he confuses the company’s Pakistani employee for a Latino (a clever twist on the old gag of white Archie Bunker types who can’t tell minorities apart).
The resulting logo, which has nothing to do with what he was paid to create, depicts the Pakistani employee wearing an Aztec headdress while having sex with the Statue of Liberty from behind. Chuy pretentiously explains that it’s a symbol of “the Latino struggle for justice in America,” as the white characters debate how to tell him they don’t like it without appearing racist. The graffiti artist is the butt of the joke; given the opportunity to do something creative, he demonstrates that all he is capable of is crass, obscene anti-Americanism, which he cloaks in faux “Latino pride.” But conservatives didn’t get the joke. The right-wing “think tank” Media Research Center slammed the episode as “anti-American,” and the MRC’s Facebook page was flooded with indignant comments:
GROSS, AND THEY SHOULD BE ARRESTED AND JAILED!!!!!... I think whoever is responsible should be charged with indecency and face criminal charges. ... It is really the Gay Rights Organization behind it!!!!! ... The show was to promote the “Latino struggle in America”??? And this is going to make the so-called struggle better in what way?... Disgusting…....they need to leave our country if that’s what they think is art. ... Is this what Latinos see themselves doing to the United States of America? Raping the nation? Disgusting! ... It’s how Jews train white people to be passive and accept humiliation along with Jewish rule. ... Tell Chuy to go back to Mexico if he is offended by our government and symbols of freedom. ... He should be shot. ... Satan’s maggots!
The one or two commenters who got the joke and tried to explain it were quickly overwhelmed by the others (and, for the record, “Satan’s Maggots” was the name of my college metal band). This exact same situation was repeated with last month’s South Park season opener, which showed Donald Trump being anally violated. Conservative Facebook pages and news sites were filled with the typical chest-pounding: “I don’t watch that piece of filth, but I bet they’d never do nothin’ insulting about Hillary Clinton” (conservatives are so darling when they opine about shows they proudly state they never watch). In fact, South Park, a reliably right/libertarian-leaning show, has most certainly been disrespectful to Hillary, once depicting her as having a terrorist bomb hidden in her vagina. Little difference that made; the Trump episode led to the typical “Ban the show! Arrest the queer perverts!” comments.
Anyone who thinks conservatives can or will step in as the left continues to sanitize comedy is sorely misguided. The kind of merciless, unashamed, unapologetic satire championed by the old National Lampoon will find no quarter these days on the left or the right. It’s to the detriment of society, and to the benefit of today’s Itty Bitty Meanie Mohammeds, like would-be election rigger Principal Lena Van Haren.
Quote of the Times;
"Liberty is not a means to a higher political end. It is itself the highest political end. - Liberty is the only object which benefits all alike, and provokes no sincere opposition - The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern. - Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." - Lord Action
Link of the Times;
http://akinokure.blogspot.com/
Screw?
What did the optimist say as he jumped off the building?
So far, so good.
*.*
Things That Still Bug Me About Aladdin
5. The Genie's past sounds really messed up
Based on the clues we get in the movie, it's safe to say that Genie is incredibly old and served plenty of masters before Aladdin. One can only imagine how many proposterous and/or disastrous wishes Genie must have granted over the years previous. When we first meet him, we learn the rules of Genie's wishes: 1) He won't kill anyone 2) He won't make anyone fall in love and 3) He won't bring anyone back from the dead. While you might reasonably guess that these rules have been in place from Day One, remember what Genie says about Rule #3:
The first half of that sentence implies that, at the very least, Genie witnessed a reanimated corpse in action, and didn't like what he saw. But the second half implies that he did the deed himself, at least once, and the result was so horrible that a rule had to be introduced to make sure it can never happen again. That basically confirms the idea that the rules weren't always in place, and had to be introduced after the fact. Meaning that at some point, Genie probably killed a guy at his master's behest.
That a lampholder wanted to eradicate an enemy or brainwash a lover isn't especially surprising, though it is disconcerting to think that this lovable character once used his phenomenal cosmic power to murder someone. Really though, it's Rule #3 that has the most disturbing implications.
Given Genie's distaste for the practice, a ressurection probably went wrong in one of two ways. Best case scenario: Genie zapped a dead body what came back was an evil entity, a la Pet Sematary. Worst case scenario: Genie accidentally unleashed a zombie apocalypse. It might seem like a stretch, but it gels with a prevailing theory that places Aladdin's time period in the far-flung future -- admit it, that definitely explains why Genie has such a good Jack Nicholson impression. Bearing that in mind, it could be that one of Genie's wishes kicked off an undead plague that took over the world, and it took humanity 10,000 years to get back to the Middle Ages. Man, the phrase "prequel trilogy" never sounded so good.
4. The Sultan's adorable ignorance is killing Agrabah
Agrabah's unnamed Sultan is the classic doddering cartoon daddy. He's more or less a mix of Homer Simpson and Maurice from Beauty and the Beast. He seems like a sweet man and a kind father -- until you realize that this buffoon lives in luxury while his city festers in squalor. Seriously, look at how the palace towers over the slums of Agrabah (aka every part of Agrabah that is not the palace).
This is a city that contains hundreds, if not thousands of impoverished people. Aladdin is so poor that he has to steal bread, and gives the bread away when he realizes there are children that are even poorer than him. Everything we see in the movie makes it look like a pretty shitty place to live. But hey, at least the Sultan gets to live it up with his toys...
...even though it's at the cost of children longingly looking at rotten fish bones.
The movie never acknowledges this. Aladdin is about a hero's journey to defeat a villain with the help of a friend, and also a princess' fight to marry whoever she wants. The "good guys" do manage to get a happy ending, but the rest of Agrabah still suffers. Al agonizes over whether he should free Genie, when but never considers the idea that the children he just fed are, at that very moment, still trapped in poverty. But hey, maybe they'll have their own magical adventures and go on to ignore the plight of their contemporaries. If we're really lucky, they'll also sing some catchy songs.
3. Is Jafar some kind of technological genius?
Fan theories aside, let's assume Aladdin takes place in the distant past. What would that say about the villain, Jafar? He would seem to have a leg-up on the competition because of the limited magic he can perform, but the supernatural is the least of Jafar's areas of expertise. The evil royal vizier we see in the movie is one that wears cunning disguises, throws smoke bombs and uses secret passageways. Jafar is a strategist, a scientist, an escape artist and a chameleon, but he's not really a wizard until he makes that wish.
The most impressive part of Jafar's arsenal is the machine he uses to find Aladdin. This thing is powered by electricity, hundreds of years before Ben Franklin macked on his first French lady. And he's not just waiting for an electrical storm to power the device, but instead gets Iago to generate the power.
That's basically a lightning strike up to 1.21 gigawatts, all produced by what's essentially a parrot running on a treadmill. It's an incredible feat of technology that's not even possible today, and it's in the hands of the villain. What does Jafar need with a magic lamp when he's obviously so technologically talented that he could rule the world anyway? Dude is clearly an evil goateed version of Batman.
2. The whole thing with Prince Ali
It's really difficult to get mad at Jafar for abusing his wishes when Aladdin does the exact same thing. His grand entrance involved hundreds (if not thousands) of loyal subjects singing about how much of a hardcore G Prince Ali is. But that brings up all sorts of questions, like uh, where did all those people come from? Was Genie "borrowing" some of Agrabah's people, temporarily brainwashing them to serve Aladdin's needs? That would mean thousands of Agrabanians woke up later with no memory of what they did, embarrassed and ashamed that they magically forgot to pick their kid up from school. Or worse, is Genie creating those people out of thin air? Is there an entire nation of adult babies wandering around, afraid and oblivious as to what they should do with their newfound existence?
Even if we assume the people are holograms or at least well-paid extras, there's also another problem: The part where Aladdin stops being a Prince for a while:
Apparently all it takes to be de-Princeified is to have your identity exposed and your clothes zapped off of you. All of the royal credentials that Genie presumably whipped up for Aladdin are somehow gone in an instant, and just like that he's once again a street rat that is ineligible to marry Princess Jasmine.
The whole thing is made more baffling by the ending, in which Aladdin considers using his final wish to make himself a prince again. What exactly is that supposed to change? Everyone already knows he's Aladdin. Is it just about the clothes? There's gotta be a nice tailor in the marketplace in between the sugardates and pistachio salesmen; Jas could probably spot him a few bucks for at least a suit rental. All the hand-wringing is moot anyway when you consider the idea that Aladdin could easily just hand the lamp to Jasmine or the Sultan and have them make the proper wishes.
That might be too much to ask of these people, though. After all, they're the ones who couldn't tell Aladdin was Prince Ali while he was wearing no disguise whatsoever.
1. The movie should have ended 15 minutes sooner
The monkey-flung shit hits the fan when Jafar gets a hold of the lamp and starts making wishes. Despite Aladdin having one more wish on the docket, Genie claimed he couldn't help him anymore. Al had to fight and defeat an all-powerful Jafar with his wits alone, for what seems like no reason at all.
Sure, Jafar held the lamp, but that was never a requirement before. Aladdin only held the lamp when he freed Genie. Both other times, Aladdin's hands were empty; for the second wish, Al was unconscious and underwater, and Genie took great liberties with "wish consent" in order to save his pal's life.
And that's not including the time that Aladdin tricked Genie into getting out of the Cave of Wonders without using a wish. Heck, at the end of the movie, Genie boots Jafar's black lamp into a distant sand dune for no other reason than he wanted to -- no wish needed. It's clear that Genie isn't bound by any iron-clad magic laws, and he really is capable of almost anything. All of these so-called rules that Genie is following, including the ones he has against murder and ressurection, are self-made. Nothing should stop him from granting Aladdin's wish to "wreck Jafar's shit" right here.
That might mean Genie would be still a slave at the end of the movie, but as we already covered, Aladdin could easily just hand the lamp to Jasmine and use those new wishes to solve all of their problems. Maybe she could even wish for Agrabah not to be such an oppressive dictatorship!
*.*
In the 1980s, a Soviet citizen was given the rare opportunity to go to the west. He visits some distant relatives now living in the United States, then returns to Mother Russia.
His friends ask him, "Comrade, what is it like in America?"
"Wonderful. But they have some very strange customs there," the Soviet admits.
"Such as?"
"They opened a bottle of vodka and poured me a glass."
"And then?"
"And then," the man says with an incredulous look, "they put the cap back on the bottle!"
*.*
National Guard General Resigns After ‘Hurtful’ Pranks By Other Joint Chiefs
ARLINGTON, Va. — Gen. Frank Grass, chief of the National Guard Bureau (NGB), abruptly announced his resignation this week amidst claims of hazing and abuse from his fellow Joint Chiefs of Staff, according to sources.
Guardsmen at all levels report they are often bullied by their slimmer, active-duty counterparts, but sources say this is the first time the bullying has occurred at such a high level, with the situation worsening in 2012, when Grass was given a seat at the table with the Joint Chiefs.
Grass went on the record following his resignation, speaking to reporters outside the Pentagon, flanked by his attorney Gloria Allred and his wife, Sally.
“At first the vibe was just weird,” Grass said. “Odierno would always walk around naked in the locker room so that I would ‘know who the bigger man was.'”
“But like the Stanford Prison Experiment, shit got real in a hurry,” he recalled. “In 2013 they made me teleconference into a meeting from a kiddie table at a local Chuck E. Cheese.”
Other Joint Chiefs, including recently retired Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gen. Martin Dempsey, have confirmed some of the allegations.
“I had to preserve my independence, since he was Army too,” said Dempsey. “So his first year on the job I made a rule that he was only allowed to speak in meetings one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer.”
The Department of Defense Inspector General opened an investigation into the worst claim of misconduct, which occurred in 2012 on a business trip to Las Vegas. The other Chiefs allegedly made Grass pound shot after shot of vodka while “repeatedly calling him ‘Pledge’ and ‘Boot.’”
At some point, Grass allegedly drunk-dialed NGB’s advertising agency and ordered them to spend millions of dollars on NASCAR sponsorships. The Inspector General confirmed that Grass must have been “miles beyond black-out drunk,” reasoning that “no jackass in their right mind would blow half of his ad budget’ on a ‘sport’ that is just cars making left turns for two hours.”
New Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Joseph Dunford declined to comment through a spokesman, who noted, “The Chairman has no idea who or what a Gen. Grass is.”
*.*
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.
"Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"
The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.
"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"
The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.
"WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!"
The wife runs to the fri-
"CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!"
At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.
She gasps "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs."
The husband simply smiles, remarks "I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car", and leaves.
Issue of the Times;
Screw Finding Your Passion by Mark Manson
Remember back when you were a kid? You would just do things. You never thought to yourself, “What are the relative merits of learning baseball versus football?” You just ran around the playground and played baseball and football. You built sand castles and played tag and asked silly questions and looked for bugs and dug up grass and pretended you were a sewer monster.
Nobody told you to do it, you just did it. You were led merely by your curiosity and excitement.
And the beautiful thing was, if you hated baseball, you just stopped playing it. There was no guilt involved. There was no arguing or debate. You either liked it, or you didn’t.
And if you loved looking for bugs, you just did that. There was no second-level analysis of, “Well, is looking for bugs really what I should be doing with my time as a child? Nobody else wants to look for bugs, does that mean there’s something wrong with me? How will looking for bugs affect my future prospects?”
There was no bullshit. If you liked something, you just did it.
Today I received approximately the 11,504th email this year from a person telling me that they don’t know what to do with their life. And like all of the others, this person asked me if I had any ideas of what they could do, where they could start, where to “find their passion.”
And of course, I didn’t respond. Why? Because I have no fucking clue. If you don’t have any idea what to do with yourself, what makes you think some jackass with a website would? I’m a writer, not a fortune teller.
But more importantly, what I want to say to these people is this: that’s the whole point — “not knowing” is the whole fucking point. Life is all about not knowing, and then doing something anyway. All of life is like this. All of it. And it’s not going to get any easier just because you found out you love your job cleaning septic tanks or you scored a dream gig writing indie movies.
The common complaint among a lot of these people is that they need to ‘find their passion.’
I call bullshit. You already found your passion, you’re just ignoring it. Seriously, you’re awake 16 hours a day, what the fuck do you do with your time? You’re doing something, obviously. You’re talking about something. There’s some topic or activity or idea that dominates a significant amount of your free time, your conversations, your web browsing, and it dominates them without you consciously pursuing it or looking for it.
It’s right there in front of you, you’re just avoiding it. For whatever reason, you’re avoiding it. You’re telling yourself, “Oh well, yeah, I love comic books but that doesn’t count. You can’t make money with comic books.”
Fuck you, have you even tried?
The problem is not a lack of passion for something. The problem is productivity. The problem is perception. The problem is acceptance.
The problem is the, “Oh, well that’s just not a realistic option,” or “Mom and Dad would kill me if I tried to do that, they say I should be a doctor” or “That’s crazy, you can’t buy a BMW with the money you make doing that.”
The problem isn’t passion. It’s never passion.
It’s priorities.
And even then, who says you need to make money doing what you love? Since when does everyone feel entitled to love every fucking second of their job? Really, what is so wrong with working an OK normal job with some cool people you like, and then pursuing your passion in your free time on the side? Has the world turned upside-down or is this not suddenly a novel idea to people?
Look, here’s another slap in the face for you: every job sucks sometimes. There’s no such thing as some passionate activity that you will never get tired of, never get stressed over, never complain about. It doesn’t exist. I am living my dream job (which happened by accident, by the way. I never in a million years planned on this happening; like a kid on a playground I just went and tried it), and I still hate about 30% of it. Some days more.
Again, that’s just life.
The issue here is, once again, expectations. If you think you’re supposed to be working 70-hour work weeks and sleeping in your office like Steve Jobs and loving every second of it, you’ve been watching too many shitty movies. If you think you’re supposed to wake up every single day dancing out of your pajamas because you get to go to work, then you’ve been drinking the Kool-Aid. Life doesn’t work like that. It’s just unrealistic. There’s a thing most of us need called balance.
I have a friend who, for the last three years, has been trying to build an online businessselling whatever. It hasn’t been working. And by not working, I mean he’s not even launching anything. Despite years of “work” and saying he’s going to do this or that, nothing actually ever gets done.
What does get done is when one of his former co-workers comes to him with a design job to create a logo or design some promotional material for an event. Holy shit, he’s all over that like flies on fresh cow shit.
And he does a great job! He stays up to 4:00 AM losing himself working on it and loving every second of it.
But then two days later it’s back to, “Man, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
I meet so many people like him. He doesn’t need to find his passion. His passion already found him. He’s just ignoring it. He just refuses to believe it’s viable. He is just afraid of giving it an honest-to-god try.
It’s like a nerdy kid walking onto a playground and saying, “Well, bugs are really cool, but NFL players make more money, so I should force myself to play football every day,” and then coming home and complaining that he doesn’t like recess.
And that’s bullshit. Everybody likes recess. The problem is that he’s arbitrarily choosing to limit himself based on some bullshitty ideas he got into his head about success and what he’s supposed to do.
Another email I get all the time is from people wanting advice on how to become a writer.
And my answer is the same: I have no fucking idea.
As a kid, I would write short stories in my room for fun. As a teenager, I would write music reviews and essays about bands I loved and then show them to nobody. Once the internet came around, I spent hours upon hours on forums writing multi-page posts about inane topics – everything from guitar pickups to the causes of the Iraq War.
I never considered writing as a potential career. I never even considered it a hobby or passion. To me, the things I wrote about were my passion: music, politics, philosophy. Writing was just something I did because I felt like it.
And when I had to go looking for a career I could fall in love with, I didn’t have to look far. In fact, I didn’t have to look at all. It chose me, in a way. It was already there. Already something I was doing every day, since I was a kid, without even thinking about it.
Because here’s another point that might make a few people salty: If you have to look for what you’re passionate about, then you’re probably not passionate about it at all.
If you’re passionate about something, it will already feel like such an ingrained part of your life that you will have to be reminded by people that it’s not normal, that other people aren’t like that.
It didn’t occur to me that writing 2,000 word posts on forums was something nobody else considered fun. It never occurred to my friend that designing a logo is something that most people don’t find easy or fun. To him, it’s so natural that he can’t even imagine it being otherwise. And that’s why it’s probably what he really should be doing.
A child does not walk onto a playground and say to herself, “How do I find fun?” She just goes and has fun.
If you have to look for what you enjoy in life, then you’re not going to enjoy anything.
And the real truth is that you already enjoy something. You already enjoy many things. You’re just choosing to ignore them.
Quote of the Times;
“To penetrate one’s being, one must go armed to the teeth.” - Valery
Link of the Times;
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennium_Challenge_2002
So far, so good.
*.*
Things That Still Bug Me About Aladdin
5. The Genie's past sounds really messed up
Based on the clues we get in the movie, it's safe to say that Genie is incredibly old and served plenty of masters before Aladdin. One can only imagine how many proposterous and/or disastrous wishes Genie must have granted over the years previous. When we first meet him, we learn the rules of Genie's wishes: 1) He won't kill anyone 2) He won't make anyone fall in love and 3) He won't bring anyone back from the dead. While you might reasonably guess that these rules have been in place from Day One, remember what Genie says about Rule #3:
The first half of that sentence implies that, at the very least, Genie witnessed a reanimated corpse in action, and didn't like what he saw. But the second half implies that he did the deed himself, at least once, and the result was so horrible that a rule had to be introduced to make sure it can never happen again. That basically confirms the idea that the rules weren't always in place, and had to be introduced after the fact. Meaning that at some point, Genie probably killed a guy at his master's behest.
That a lampholder wanted to eradicate an enemy or brainwash a lover isn't especially surprising, though it is disconcerting to think that this lovable character once used his phenomenal cosmic power to murder someone. Really though, it's Rule #3 that has the most disturbing implications.
Given Genie's distaste for the practice, a ressurection probably went wrong in one of two ways. Best case scenario: Genie zapped a dead body what came back was an evil entity, a la Pet Sematary. Worst case scenario: Genie accidentally unleashed a zombie apocalypse. It might seem like a stretch, but it gels with a prevailing theory that places Aladdin's time period in the far-flung future -- admit it, that definitely explains why Genie has such a good Jack Nicholson impression. Bearing that in mind, it could be that one of Genie's wishes kicked off an undead plague that took over the world, and it took humanity 10,000 years to get back to the Middle Ages. Man, the phrase "prequel trilogy" never sounded so good.
4. The Sultan's adorable ignorance is killing Agrabah
Agrabah's unnamed Sultan is the classic doddering cartoon daddy. He's more or less a mix of Homer Simpson and Maurice from Beauty and the Beast. He seems like a sweet man and a kind father -- until you realize that this buffoon lives in luxury while his city festers in squalor. Seriously, look at how the palace towers over the slums of Agrabah (aka every part of Agrabah that is not the palace).
This is a city that contains hundreds, if not thousands of impoverished people. Aladdin is so poor that he has to steal bread, and gives the bread away when he realizes there are children that are even poorer than him. Everything we see in the movie makes it look like a pretty shitty place to live. But hey, at least the Sultan gets to live it up with his toys...
...even though it's at the cost of children longingly looking at rotten fish bones.
The movie never acknowledges this. Aladdin is about a hero's journey to defeat a villain with the help of a friend, and also a princess' fight to marry whoever she wants. The "good guys" do manage to get a happy ending, but the rest of Agrabah still suffers. Al agonizes over whether he should free Genie, when but never considers the idea that the children he just fed are, at that very moment, still trapped in poverty. But hey, maybe they'll have their own magical adventures and go on to ignore the plight of their contemporaries. If we're really lucky, they'll also sing some catchy songs.
3. Is Jafar some kind of technological genius?
Fan theories aside, let's assume Aladdin takes place in the distant past. What would that say about the villain, Jafar? He would seem to have a leg-up on the competition because of the limited magic he can perform, but the supernatural is the least of Jafar's areas of expertise. The evil royal vizier we see in the movie is one that wears cunning disguises, throws smoke bombs and uses secret passageways. Jafar is a strategist, a scientist, an escape artist and a chameleon, but he's not really a wizard until he makes that wish.
The most impressive part of Jafar's arsenal is the machine he uses to find Aladdin. This thing is powered by electricity, hundreds of years before Ben Franklin macked on his first French lady. And he's not just waiting for an electrical storm to power the device, but instead gets Iago to generate the power.
That's basically a lightning strike up to 1.21 gigawatts, all produced by what's essentially a parrot running on a treadmill. It's an incredible feat of technology that's not even possible today, and it's in the hands of the villain. What does Jafar need with a magic lamp when he's obviously so technologically talented that he could rule the world anyway? Dude is clearly an evil goateed version of Batman.
2. The whole thing with Prince Ali
It's really difficult to get mad at Jafar for abusing his wishes when Aladdin does the exact same thing. His grand entrance involved hundreds (if not thousands) of loyal subjects singing about how much of a hardcore G Prince Ali is. But that brings up all sorts of questions, like uh, where did all those people come from? Was Genie "borrowing" some of Agrabah's people, temporarily brainwashing them to serve Aladdin's needs? That would mean thousands of Agrabanians woke up later with no memory of what they did, embarrassed and ashamed that they magically forgot to pick their kid up from school. Or worse, is Genie creating those people out of thin air? Is there an entire nation of adult babies wandering around, afraid and oblivious as to what they should do with their newfound existence?
Even if we assume the people are holograms or at least well-paid extras, there's also another problem: The part where Aladdin stops being a Prince for a while:
Apparently all it takes to be de-Princeified is to have your identity exposed and your clothes zapped off of you. All of the royal credentials that Genie presumably whipped up for Aladdin are somehow gone in an instant, and just like that he's once again a street rat that is ineligible to marry Princess Jasmine.
The whole thing is made more baffling by the ending, in which Aladdin considers using his final wish to make himself a prince again. What exactly is that supposed to change? Everyone already knows he's Aladdin. Is it just about the clothes? There's gotta be a nice tailor in the marketplace in between the sugardates and pistachio salesmen; Jas could probably spot him a few bucks for at least a suit rental. All the hand-wringing is moot anyway when you consider the idea that Aladdin could easily just hand the lamp to Jasmine or the Sultan and have them make the proper wishes.
That might be too much to ask of these people, though. After all, they're the ones who couldn't tell Aladdin was Prince Ali while he was wearing no disguise whatsoever.
1. The movie should have ended 15 minutes sooner
The monkey-flung shit hits the fan when Jafar gets a hold of the lamp and starts making wishes. Despite Aladdin having one more wish on the docket, Genie claimed he couldn't help him anymore. Al had to fight and defeat an all-powerful Jafar with his wits alone, for what seems like no reason at all.
Sure, Jafar held the lamp, but that was never a requirement before. Aladdin only held the lamp when he freed Genie. Both other times, Aladdin's hands were empty; for the second wish, Al was unconscious and underwater, and Genie took great liberties with "wish consent" in order to save his pal's life.
And that's not including the time that Aladdin tricked Genie into getting out of the Cave of Wonders without using a wish. Heck, at the end of the movie, Genie boots Jafar's black lamp into a distant sand dune for no other reason than he wanted to -- no wish needed. It's clear that Genie isn't bound by any iron-clad magic laws, and he really is capable of almost anything. All of these so-called rules that Genie is following, including the ones he has against murder and ressurection, are self-made. Nothing should stop him from granting Aladdin's wish to "wreck Jafar's shit" right here.
That might mean Genie would be still a slave at the end of the movie, but as we already covered, Aladdin could easily just hand the lamp to Jasmine and use those new wishes to solve all of their problems. Maybe she could even wish for Agrabah not to be such an oppressive dictatorship!
*.*
In the 1980s, a Soviet citizen was given the rare opportunity to go to the west. He visits some distant relatives now living in the United States, then returns to Mother Russia.
His friends ask him, "Comrade, what is it like in America?"
"Wonderful. But they have some very strange customs there," the Soviet admits.
"Such as?"
"They opened a bottle of vodka and poured me a glass."
"And then?"
"And then," the man says with an incredulous look, "they put the cap back on the bottle!"
*.*
National Guard General Resigns After ‘Hurtful’ Pranks By Other Joint Chiefs
ARLINGTON, Va. — Gen. Frank Grass, chief of the National Guard Bureau (NGB), abruptly announced his resignation this week amidst claims of hazing and abuse from his fellow Joint Chiefs of Staff, according to sources.
Guardsmen at all levels report they are often bullied by their slimmer, active-duty counterparts, but sources say this is the first time the bullying has occurred at such a high level, with the situation worsening in 2012, when Grass was given a seat at the table with the Joint Chiefs.
Grass went on the record following his resignation, speaking to reporters outside the Pentagon, flanked by his attorney Gloria Allred and his wife, Sally.
“At first the vibe was just weird,” Grass said. “Odierno would always walk around naked in the locker room so that I would ‘know who the bigger man was.'”
“But like the Stanford Prison Experiment, shit got real in a hurry,” he recalled. “In 2013 they made me teleconference into a meeting from a kiddie table at a local Chuck E. Cheese.”
Other Joint Chiefs, including recently retired Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gen. Martin Dempsey, have confirmed some of the allegations.
“I had to preserve my independence, since he was Army too,” said Dempsey. “So his first year on the job I made a rule that he was only allowed to speak in meetings one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer.”
The Department of Defense Inspector General opened an investigation into the worst claim of misconduct, which occurred in 2012 on a business trip to Las Vegas. The other Chiefs allegedly made Grass pound shot after shot of vodka while “repeatedly calling him ‘Pledge’ and ‘Boot.’”
At some point, Grass allegedly drunk-dialed NGB’s advertising agency and ordered them to spend millions of dollars on NASCAR sponsorships. The Inspector General confirmed that Grass must have been “miles beyond black-out drunk,” reasoning that “no jackass in their right mind would blow half of his ad budget’ on a ‘sport’ that is just cars making left turns for two hours.”
New Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Joseph Dunford declined to comment through a spokesman, who noted, “The Chairman has no idea who or what a Gen. Grass is.”
*.*
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.
"Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"
The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.
"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"
The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.
"WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!"
The wife runs to the fri-
"CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!"
At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.
She gasps "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs."
The husband simply smiles, remarks "I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car", and leaves.
Issue of the Times;
Screw Finding Your Passion by Mark Manson
Remember back when you were a kid? You would just do things. You never thought to yourself, “What are the relative merits of learning baseball versus football?” You just ran around the playground and played baseball and football. You built sand castles and played tag and asked silly questions and looked for bugs and dug up grass and pretended you were a sewer monster.
Nobody told you to do it, you just did it. You were led merely by your curiosity and excitement.
And the beautiful thing was, if you hated baseball, you just stopped playing it. There was no guilt involved. There was no arguing or debate. You either liked it, or you didn’t.
And if you loved looking for bugs, you just did that. There was no second-level analysis of, “Well, is looking for bugs really what I should be doing with my time as a child? Nobody else wants to look for bugs, does that mean there’s something wrong with me? How will looking for bugs affect my future prospects?”
There was no bullshit. If you liked something, you just did it.
Today I received approximately the 11,504th email this year from a person telling me that they don’t know what to do with their life. And like all of the others, this person asked me if I had any ideas of what they could do, where they could start, where to “find their passion.”
And of course, I didn’t respond. Why? Because I have no fucking clue. If you don’t have any idea what to do with yourself, what makes you think some jackass with a website would? I’m a writer, not a fortune teller.
But more importantly, what I want to say to these people is this: that’s the whole point — “not knowing” is the whole fucking point. Life is all about not knowing, and then doing something anyway. All of life is like this. All of it. And it’s not going to get any easier just because you found out you love your job cleaning septic tanks or you scored a dream gig writing indie movies.
The common complaint among a lot of these people is that they need to ‘find their passion.’
I call bullshit. You already found your passion, you’re just ignoring it. Seriously, you’re awake 16 hours a day, what the fuck do you do with your time? You’re doing something, obviously. You’re talking about something. There’s some topic or activity or idea that dominates a significant amount of your free time, your conversations, your web browsing, and it dominates them without you consciously pursuing it or looking for it.
It’s right there in front of you, you’re just avoiding it. For whatever reason, you’re avoiding it. You’re telling yourself, “Oh well, yeah, I love comic books but that doesn’t count. You can’t make money with comic books.”
Fuck you, have you even tried?
The problem is not a lack of passion for something. The problem is productivity. The problem is perception. The problem is acceptance.
The problem is the, “Oh, well that’s just not a realistic option,” or “Mom and Dad would kill me if I tried to do that, they say I should be a doctor” or “That’s crazy, you can’t buy a BMW with the money you make doing that.”
The problem isn’t passion. It’s never passion.
It’s priorities.
And even then, who says you need to make money doing what you love? Since when does everyone feel entitled to love every fucking second of their job? Really, what is so wrong with working an OK normal job with some cool people you like, and then pursuing your passion in your free time on the side? Has the world turned upside-down or is this not suddenly a novel idea to people?
Look, here’s another slap in the face for you: every job sucks sometimes. There’s no such thing as some passionate activity that you will never get tired of, never get stressed over, never complain about. It doesn’t exist. I am living my dream job (which happened by accident, by the way. I never in a million years planned on this happening; like a kid on a playground I just went and tried it), and I still hate about 30% of it. Some days more.
Again, that’s just life.
The issue here is, once again, expectations. If you think you’re supposed to be working 70-hour work weeks and sleeping in your office like Steve Jobs and loving every second of it, you’ve been watching too many shitty movies. If you think you’re supposed to wake up every single day dancing out of your pajamas because you get to go to work, then you’ve been drinking the Kool-Aid. Life doesn’t work like that. It’s just unrealistic. There’s a thing most of us need called balance.
I have a friend who, for the last three years, has been trying to build an online businessselling whatever. It hasn’t been working. And by not working, I mean he’s not even launching anything. Despite years of “work” and saying he’s going to do this or that, nothing actually ever gets done.
What does get done is when one of his former co-workers comes to him with a design job to create a logo or design some promotional material for an event. Holy shit, he’s all over that like flies on fresh cow shit.
And he does a great job! He stays up to 4:00 AM losing himself working on it and loving every second of it.
But then two days later it’s back to, “Man, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
I meet so many people like him. He doesn’t need to find his passion. His passion already found him. He’s just ignoring it. He just refuses to believe it’s viable. He is just afraid of giving it an honest-to-god try.
It’s like a nerdy kid walking onto a playground and saying, “Well, bugs are really cool, but NFL players make more money, so I should force myself to play football every day,” and then coming home and complaining that he doesn’t like recess.
And that’s bullshit. Everybody likes recess. The problem is that he’s arbitrarily choosing to limit himself based on some bullshitty ideas he got into his head about success and what he’s supposed to do.
Another email I get all the time is from people wanting advice on how to become a writer.
And my answer is the same: I have no fucking idea.
As a kid, I would write short stories in my room for fun. As a teenager, I would write music reviews and essays about bands I loved and then show them to nobody. Once the internet came around, I spent hours upon hours on forums writing multi-page posts about inane topics – everything from guitar pickups to the causes of the Iraq War.
I never considered writing as a potential career. I never even considered it a hobby or passion. To me, the things I wrote about were my passion: music, politics, philosophy. Writing was just something I did because I felt like it.
And when I had to go looking for a career I could fall in love with, I didn’t have to look far. In fact, I didn’t have to look at all. It chose me, in a way. It was already there. Already something I was doing every day, since I was a kid, without even thinking about it.
Because here’s another point that might make a few people salty: If you have to look for what you’re passionate about, then you’re probably not passionate about it at all.
If you’re passionate about something, it will already feel like such an ingrained part of your life that you will have to be reminded by people that it’s not normal, that other people aren’t like that.
It didn’t occur to me that writing 2,000 word posts on forums was something nobody else considered fun. It never occurred to my friend that designing a logo is something that most people don’t find easy or fun. To him, it’s so natural that he can’t even imagine it being otherwise. And that’s why it’s probably what he really should be doing.
A child does not walk onto a playground and say to herself, “How do I find fun?” She just goes and has fun.
If you have to look for what you enjoy in life, then you’re not going to enjoy anything.
And the real truth is that you already enjoy something. You already enjoy many things. You’re just choosing to ignore them.
Quote of the Times;
“To penetrate one’s being, one must go armed to the teeth.” - Valery
Link of the Times;
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millennium_Challenge_2002
Punched?
A wife is like a hand grenade..
You take away the ring, and there goes your house.
*.*
Oneliners:
Ironically, The One Ring from Lord of The Rings is probably the most replicated ring ever.
Intentionally losing at a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win
Why do we even have gender deodorants, if I'm a grown ass man and I want to smell like Cocoa Butter Kisses, fuck it I will.
Wrestling videogames are actual competitions with no predetermined winner. Does that make them more "real" than the live action they're based on?
It took me 16 years to realise Saturday has turd in it
If you get your tongue stuck in a mouse trap you will pronounce it mouth trap for a short period of time.
Cleaning my cats litterbox is like panning for terrible gold.
To Yoda, everyone must sound pretty fucking weird
All pants and jeans should have pockets lined with microfiber material so your phone gets cleaned every time you put it in your pocket.
If Luke Skywalker had turned off his targeting computer and then missed the Death Star's exhaust port he would have looked like the biggest dick ever
When a watch battery dies, it records the time of its own death.
Parents who tell their kids they can be whatever they want aren't taking into account they might choose to be an asshole.
All I want is a candle that smells like blown out candles
I can remember most of the 720 pokemon, but only a handful of 196 countries in the world
My brain will fixate on people I hate while allowing me to forget to drink enough water.
I feel like I'm the charismatic leader of a cult my dogs are in.
*.*
Porky was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general 'go-fer' at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee. He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he said.
The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Good," Porky said. "Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."
*.*
I bet people would like me more if my sense of self-deprecating humor didn't suck so much.
*.*
This is weird.... it really works, just follow the directions.
These are the words
- Cows
- About
- Talking
- Hole
- Ass
- This
- Got
- I
- Long
- How
- Look
1. Say COW before each word:
i.e.
- Cow Cows
- Cow About
- Cow Talking
- Cow Hole
- Cow Ass
- Cow This
- Cow Got
- Cow I
- Cow Long
- Cow How
- Cow Look
2. Say COW after each word:
i.e.
Cows Cow -
About Cow -
Talking Cow -
Hole Cow -
Ass Cow -
This Cow -
Got Cow -
I Cow -
Long Cow -
How Cow -
Look Cow -
3. Say COW before and after each word:
i.e.
- Cow Cows Cow -
- Cow About Cow -
- Cow Talking Cow -
- Cow Hole Cow -
- Cow Ass Cow -
- Cow This Cow -
- Cow Got Cow -
- Cow I Cow -
- Cow Long Cow -
- Cow How Cow -
- Cow Look Cow -
4. Start at the bottom and read the words
upwards:
Cows
About
Talking
Hole
Ass
This
Got
I
Long
How
Look
I can’t believe that you actually did this!!!!!!!
Issue of the Times;
Never Trust Anyone Who Hasn’t Been Punched In The Face by Scott Locklin
Conservatives like to talk about the causes of Western Civilization’s downfall: feminism, loose morality, drug abuse, Christianity’s decline, reality TV. Blaming civilization’s downfall on lardy hagfish such as Andrea Dworkin is like a doctor diagnosing senility by an old person’s wrinkles. The fact that anyone listened to such a numskull is a symptom, not the cause, of a culture in decline. The cause of civilizational decline is dirt-simple: lack of contact with objective reality. The great banker-journalist (and founder of the original National Review) Walter Bagehot said it well almost 150 years ago:
History is strewn with the wrecks of nations which have gained a little progressiveness at the cost of a great deal of hard manliness, and have thus prepared themselves for destruction as soon as the movements of the world gave a chance for it.
Every great civilization reaches a point of prosperity where it is possible to live your entire life as a pacifist without any serious consequences. Many civilizations have come to the state of devolution represented by modern Berkeley folkways, from wife-swapping to vegetarianism. These ideas don’t come from a hardscrabble existence in contact with nature’s elemental forces; they are the inevitable consequence of being an effete urban twit removed from meaningful contact with reality. The over-civilized will try to portray their decadence as something “highly evolved” and worthy of emulation because it can only exist in the hothouse of highly civilized urban centers, much like influenza epidemics. Somehow these twittering blockheads missed out on what the word “evolution” means. Evolution involves brutal and often violent natural selection, and these people have not been exposed to brutal evolutionary forces any more than a typical urban poodle.
Through human history, vigorous civilizations had various ways of dealing with the unfortunate human tendency toward being a weak ninny. The South Koreans (for my money, the hardest men in Asia today) have brutally tough military training as a rite of passage. I’ve been told that the Soviet system had students picking potatoes during national holidays. The ancient Greeks used competitive sports and constant warfare. The Anglo-American working classes, the last large virtuous group of people left in these countries, use bullying, violent sports, fisticuffs, and hard living.
I think there is a certain worldview that comes from violent experience. It’s something like…manhood. You don’t have to be the world’s greatest badass to be a man, but you have to be willing to throw down when the time is right.
A man who has been in a fight or played violent sports has experienced more of life and manhood than a man who hasn’t. Fisticuffs, wrestling matches, knife fights, violent sport, duels with baseball bats, facing down guns, or getting crushed in the football field—men who have had these experiences are different from men who have not. Men who have trained for or experienced such encounters know about bravery and mental fortitude from firsthand experience. Men who have been tested physically know that inequality is a physical fact. Men who know how to deal out violence know that radical feminism’s tenets—that women and men are equal—are a lie. We know that women are not the same as men: not physically, mentally, or in terms of moral character.
Men who have fought know how difficult it is to stand against the crowd and that civilization is fragile and important. A man who has experienced violence knows that, at its core, civilization is an agreement between men to behave well. That agreement can be broken at any moment; it’s part of manhood to be ready when it is. Men who have been in fights know about something that is rarely spoken of without snickering these days: honor. Men who have been in fights know that, on some level, words are just words: At some point, words must be backed up by deeds.
Above all, men who have been in fights know that there is nothing good or noble about being a victim. This is a concept the modern “conservative movement,” mostly run by wimps, has lost, probably irrevocably. They’re forever tugging at my heartstrings, from No Child Left Behind to Israel’s plight to MLK’s wonders to whining that the media doesn’t play fair to the overwrought emotional appeals they use to justify dropping bombs on Muslims. The Republicans even took seriously a pure victim-candidate: Michelle Bachman. As far as can be told, she’s a middle-American Barack Obama with boobs and a slightly loopier world view.
Modern “civilized” males don’t get in fistfights. They don’t play violent sports. They play video games and, at best, watch TV sports. Modern males are physical and emotional weaklings. The ideal male isn’t John Wayne or James Bond or Jimmy Stewart anymore. It’s some crying tit that goes to a therapist, a sort of agreeable lesbian with a dick who calls the police (whom he hates in theory) when there is trouble. The ideal modern male is the British shrimp who handed his pants over to the looter in south London.
How did we get here? Estrogens in the food supply? Cultural Marxism’s corrosive influence? Small families? Some of the greatest badasses I’ve known had many brothers to fight with growing up. When good men who will fight are all extinct, there is no more civilization. No lantern-jawed viragos are going to save you from the barbarian hordes. No mincing nancy boys with Harvard diplomas will stand up for the common decencies: They’re a social construct, dontcha know. The conservative movement won’t save you: They’re chicken-hearted careerists petrified of offending a victim group.
Teddy Roosevelt, my ideal President, kept a lion and a bear as pets in the White House and took his daily exercise doing jiu-jitsu and boxing. He even lost vision in an eye in a friendly boxing match while he was president. Our last three glorious leaders are men who kept fluffy dogs and went jogging. I don’t trust squirrelly girly-men in any context. When confronted with difficult decisions, they don’t do what’s right or tell the truth—they’ll do what’s easy or politically expedient. Unlike the last three, Teddy Roosevelt never sent men to die in pointless wars, though he was more than happy to go himself or risk his neck wrestling with bears.
I’m no great shakes: I’m a shrimpy egghead in a suit who thinks about math all day. I don’t train for fighting anymore, and my experiences with violence are fairly limited. Nonetheless, I judge people on these sorts of things. When I first meet a man, I don’t care what kind of sheepskins or awards he has on his walls. I don’t care if he is liberal or conservative. I want to know if they have my back in a fight. That’s really the only thing that matters.
Quote of the Times;
“When it comes to government, if you aren’t involved in the provision of actual public goods, you are involved in extortion. It may be legal. It may have the blessing of the mayor, the city council, and your union representative, but it’s still extortion. And you should be ashamed of yourself. If your only purpose is getting in the way until somebody hands you money, then you are part of a protection racket. And you might want to think about going into a more honorable line of work.” – Williamson
Link of the Times;
http://www.illholdyourbeer.com/
You take away the ring, and there goes your house.
*.*
Oneliners:
Ironically, The One Ring from Lord of The Rings is probably the most replicated ring ever.
Intentionally losing at a game of rock, paper, scissors is just as hard as trying to win
Why do we even have gender deodorants, if I'm a grown ass man and I want to smell like Cocoa Butter Kisses, fuck it I will.
Wrestling videogames are actual competitions with no predetermined winner. Does that make them more "real" than the live action they're based on?
It took me 16 years to realise Saturday has turd in it
If you get your tongue stuck in a mouse trap you will pronounce it mouth trap for a short period of time.
Cleaning my cats litterbox is like panning for terrible gold.
To Yoda, everyone must sound pretty fucking weird
All pants and jeans should have pockets lined with microfiber material so your phone gets cleaned every time you put it in your pocket.
If Luke Skywalker had turned off his targeting computer and then missed the Death Star's exhaust port he would have looked like the biggest dick ever
When a watch battery dies, it records the time of its own death.
Parents who tell their kids they can be whatever they want aren't taking into account they might choose to be an asshole.
All I want is a candle that smells like blown out candles
I can remember most of the 720 pokemon, but only a handful of 196 countries in the world
My brain will fixate on people I hate while allowing me to forget to drink enough water.
I feel like I'm the charismatic leader of a cult my dogs are in.
*.*
Porky was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general 'go-fer' at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee. He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he said.
The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Good," Porky said. "Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."
*.*
I bet people would like me more if my sense of self-deprecating humor didn't suck so much.
*.*
This is weird.... it really works, just follow the directions.
These are the words
- Cows
- About
- Talking
- Hole
- Ass
- This
- Got
- I
- Long
- How
- Look
1. Say COW before each word:
i.e.
- Cow Cows
- Cow About
- Cow Talking
- Cow Hole
- Cow Ass
- Cow This
- Cow Got
- Cow I
- Cow Long
- Cow How
- Cow Look
2. Say COW after each word:
i.e.
Cows Cow -
About Cow -
Talking Cow -
Hole Cow -
Ass Cow -
This Cow -
Got Cow -
I Cow -
Long Cow -
How Cow -
Look Cow -
3. Say COW before and after each word:
i.e.
- Cow Cows Cow -
- Cow About Cow -
- Cow Talking Cow -
- Cow Hole Cow -
- Cow Ass Cow -
- Cow This Cow -
- Cow Got Cow -
- Cow I Cow -
- Cow Long Cow -
- Cow How Cow -
- Cow Look Cow -
4. Start at the bottom and read the words
upwards:
Cows
About
Talking
Hole
Ass
This
Got
I
Long
How
Look
I can’t believe that you actually did this!!!!!!!
Issue of the Times;
Never Trust Anyone Who Hasn’t Been Punched In The Face by Scott Locklin
Conservatives like to talk about the causes of Western Civilization’s downfall: feminism, loose morality, drug abuse, Christianity’s decline, reality TV. Blaming civilization’s downfall on lardy hagfish such as Andrea Dworkin is like a doctor diagnosing senility by an old person’s wrinkles. The fact that anyone listened to such a numskull is a symptom, not the cause, of a culture in decline. The cause of civilizational decline is dirt-simple: lack of contact with objective reality. The great banker-journalist (and founder of the original National Review) Walter Bagehot said it well almost 150 years ago:
History is strewn with the wrecks of nations which have gained a little progressiveness at the cost of a great deal of hard manliness, and have thus prepared themselves for destruction as soon as the movements of the world gave a chance for it.
Every great civilization reaches a point of prosperity where it is possible to live your entire life as a pacifist without any serious consequences. Many civilizations have come to the state of devolution represented by modern Berkeley folkways, from wife-swapping to vegetarianism. These ideas don’t come from a hardscrabble existence in contact with nature’s elemental forces; they are the inevitable consequence of being an effete urban twit removed from meaningful contact with reality. The over-civilized will try to portray their decadence as something “highly evolved” and worthy of emulation because it can only exist in the hothouse of highly civilized urban centers, much like influenza epidemics. Somehow these twittering blockheads missed out on what the word “evolution” means. Evolution involves brutal and often violent natural selection, and these people have not been exposed to brutal evolutionary forces any more than a typical urban poodle.
Through human history, vigorous civilizations had various ways of dealing with the unfortunate human tendency toward being a weak ninny. The South Koreans (for my money, the hardest men in Asia today) have brutally tough military training as a rite of passage. I’ve been told that the Soviet system had students picking potatoes during national holidays. The ancient Greeks used competitive sports and constant warfare. The Anglo-American working classes, the last large virtuous group of people left in these countries, use bullying, violent sports, fisticuffs, and hard living.
I think there is a certain worldview that comes from violent experience. It’s something like…manhood. You don’t have to be the world’s greatest badass to be a man, but you have to be willing to throw down when the time is right.
A man who has been in a fight or played violent sports has experienced more of life and manhood than a man who hasn’t. Fisticuffs, wrestling matches, knife fights, violent sport, duels with baseball bats, facing down guns, or getting crushed in the football field—men who have had these experiences are different from men who have not. Men who have trained for or experienced such encounters know about bravery and mental fortitude from firsthand experience. Men who have been tested physically know that inequality is a physical fact. Men who know how to deal out violence know that radical feminism’s tenets—that women and men are equal—are a lie. We know that women are not the same as men: not physically, mentally, or in terms of moral character.
Men who have fought know how difficult it is to stand against the crowd and that civilization is fragile and important. A man who has experienced violence knows that, at its core, civilization is an agreement between men to behave well. That agreement can be broken at any moment; it’s part of manhood to be ready when it is. Men who have been in fights know about something that is rarely spoken of without snickering these days: honor. Men who have been in fights know that, on some level, words are just words: At some point, words must be backed up by deeds.
Above all, men who have been in fights know that there is nothing good or noble about being a victim. This is a concept the modern “conservative movement,” mostly run by wimps, has lost, probably irrevocably. They’re forever tugging at my heartstrings, from No Child Left Behind to Israel’s plight to MLK’s wonders to whining that the media doesn’t play fair to the overwrought emotional appeals they use to justify dropping bombs on Muslims. The Republicans even took seriously a pure victim-candidate: Michelle Bachman. As far as can be told, she’s a middle-American Barack Obama with boobs and a slightly loopier world view.
Modern “civilized” males don’t get in fistfights. They don’t play violent sports. They play video games and, at best, watch TV sports. Modern males are physical and emotional weaklings. The ideal male isn’t John Wayne or James Bond or Jimmy Stewart anymore. It’s some crying tit that goes to a therapist, a sort of agreeable lesbian with a dick who calls the police (whom he hates in theory) when there is trouble. The ideal modern male is the British shrimp who handed his pants over to the looter in south London.
How did we get here? Estrogens in the food supply? Cultural Marxism’s corrosive influence? Small families? Some of the greatest badasses I’ve known had many brothers to fight with growing up. When good men who will fight are all extinct, there is no more civilization. No lantern-jawed viragos are going to save you from the barbarian hordes. No mincing nancy boys with Harvard diplomas will stand up for the common decencies: They’re a social construct, dontcha know. The conservative movement won’t save you: They’re chicken-hearted careerists petrified of offending a victim group.
Teddy Roosevelt, my ideal President, kept a lion and a bear as pets in the White House and took his daily exercise doing jiu-jitsu and boxing. He even lost vision in an eye in a friendly boxing match while he was president. Our last three glorious leaders are men who kept fluffy dogs and went jogging. I don’t trust squirrelly girly-men in any context. When confronted with difficult decisions, they don’t do what’s right or tell the truth—they’ll do what’s easy or politically expedient. Unlike the last three, Teddy Roosevelt never sent men to die in pointless wars, though he was more than happy to go himself or risk his neck wrestling with bears.
I’m no great shakes: I’m a shrimpy egghead in a suit who thinks about math all day. I don’t train for fighting anymore, and my experiences with violence are fairly limited. Nonetheless, I judge people on these sorts of things. When I first meet a man, I don’t care what kind of sheepskins or awards he has on his walls. I don’t care if he is liberal or conservative. I want to know if they have my back in a fight. That’s really the only thing that matters.
Quote of the Times;
“When it comes to government, if you aren’t involved in the provision of actual public goods, you are involved in extortion. It may be legal. It may have the blessing of the mayor, the city council, and your union representative, but it’s still extortion. And you should be ashamed of yourself. If your only purpose is getting in the way until somebody hands you money, then you are part of a protection racket. And you might want to think about going into a more honorable line of work.” – Williamson
Link of the Times;
http://www.illholdyourbeer.com/
Several animals were savagely beaten in the making of this page, including but not limited to; kittens, rabbits, zebu, skunks, puppies, and platypus. Also several monkeys where force fed crack to improve their typing skills.
And someone shot a duck.
An Images & Ideas, Inc. Service.
No Vegans were harmed in the making of this site. We're looking for a new provider.
And someone shot a duck.
An Images & Ideas, Inc. Service.
No Vegans were harmed in the making of this site. We're looking for a new provider.