Jimmy was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Jimmy answered.
"I'd like to talk to your mother or father," said the teacher.
"Sorry, but they ain't here," he told her.
"Jimmy!" she said, "what is it with your grammar?"
"Beats me," Jimmy replied, "but dad sure was mad that they had t'go bail her out again!"
Navy Captain Fired After Leading Unauthorized Whaling Expedition
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — The Navy announced it had relieved the captain of the USS Mustin (DDG-89) following an unauthorized whaling expedition during a training exercise off the coast of Antarctica, sources confirmed Tuesday.
Capt. Hikaru Yamamoto led his crew on a modified version of a traditional Japanese whaling expedition in celebration of Asian-American heritage, Navy Secretary Ray Mabus said.
Yamamoto, who is Japanese-American, allegedly taught his sailors to sing ancient coastal fishing songs “while directing his Fire Control Center to unleash a pair of RUM-139 VL-ASROC anti-submarine missiles into a pod of sperm whales,” a Navy investigator told Duffel Blog, speaking on condition of anonymity.
The skipper’s relief is just the latest in a string of high-profile firings of Navy officers, to include a captain and master chief being relieved after raising money from strip clubs, and a master chief and executive officer being fired after making their sailors carry around their own feces along the pier.
Navy investigators said the Mustin’s crew were encouraged to pick through the blood-red sea for the choicest bits of whale flesh, while Yamamoto used the 1MC to regale them with the story of legendary whaler Yoshi Tatsuka while brandishing a replica harpoon, identical to the type used by the Ainu people in pre-feudal Japan.
Unfortunately, during the post-hunt feast preparations, the Greenpeace anti-whaling vessel Harmony arrived on the scene. Activists began to hurl insults at the blood-soaked sailors and demand retribution for their crimes. The event quickly escalated after the Harmony began to use high-intensity focused speakers to bombard the Navy crew with Bob Marley and Beatles hits.
After four zodiac boats launched from the Harmony tried to spray the decks of the Mustin with foul-smelling debris and entangle its propeller with industrial grade netting — tactics similar to those used against modern whaling ships — Capt. Yamamoto initiated defensive procedures and ordered one of the ship’s Phalanx guns turned on the activists.
In less than seven seconds all of the smaller craft had been destroyed, and their crews reduced to a fine pink mist by a torrent of 20mm shells. As the last boat sank beneath the waves, Yamamoto turned his destroyer towards the Harmony, sinking her with a Mk46 torpedo and killing all 136 onboard.
Unfortunately for Yamamoto, a sailor on the bridge heard the Captain refer to the Greenpeace activists as “hippy faggots” after the sinking, and immediately reported it to the ship’s Equal Opportunity Advisor.
The report led to a full investigation by the Navy, and he was fired soon after.
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
The owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer.
So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." --Dave Platt
"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." --Bruce Graham
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." --Unknown
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." --Anonymous
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow." --Jeff Valdez
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." -- English proverb
"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." -- Ellen Perry Berkeley
"One cat just leads to another." --Ernest Hemmingway
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." --Mary Bly
"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." --Joseph Wood Krutch
"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." --Faith Resnick
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." --Hippolyte Taine
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." --Albert Schweitzer
"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." -- Ernest Menaul
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."
"Time spent with cats is never wasted." --Colette
"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." --Missy Dizick
"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." --Colonial American proverb
"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." --Joseph Wood Krutch
"My husband said it was either him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes."
Living on the moon would be fun.
But it would sure suck having to walk a mile every time you missed a Frisbee.
Quote of the Times;
“I support honest citizens who protest against a governing president [who is] against his people,” said the Italian deputy prime minister.... In December, Salvini mocked the French president as a “lab mouse elected to keep the elitist political system in place.”
Link of the Times;
Issue of the Times;
Disparities Galore by Walter E. Williams
Much is made about observed differences between sexes and among races. The nation's academic and legal elite try to sell us on the notion that men and women and people of all races should be proportionally represented in socio-economic characteristics. They make statements such as "Though African Americans and Hispanics make up approximately 32 percent of the US population, they (constituted) 56 percent of all incarcerated people in 2015" and "20 percent of Congress is women. Only 5 percent of CEOs are."
These differences are frequently referred to as disparities. Legal professionals, judges, politicians, academics and others often operate under the assumption that we are all equal. Therefore, inequalities and disparities are seen as probative of injustice. Thus, government must intervene, find the cause and engineer a policy or law to eliminate the injustice. Such a vision borders on lunacy. There's no evidence anywhere or at any time in human history that shows that but for some kind of social injustice, people would be proportionally represented across a range of socio-economic attributes by race and sex.
Indeed, if there is a dominant feature of mankind, it's that we differ significantly over a host of socio-economic characteristics by race, sex, ethnicity and nationality. The differences have little or nothing to do with any sort of social injustice or unfair treatment. Let's examine some racial, ethnic and sex disparities with an eye toward identifying the injustice involved. We might also ponder what kind of policy recommendation is necessary to correct the disparity.
Jews constitute no more than 3 percent of the U.S. population but are 35 percent of American Nobel Prize winners. As of 2017, Nobel Prizes had been awarded to 902 individuals worldwide. Though Jews are less than 2 percent of the world's population, 203, or 22.5 percent, of the Nobel Prizes were awarded to Jews. Proportionality would have created 18 Jewish Nobel laureates instead of an "unfair" 203. What should Congress and the United Nations do to "correct" such a disparity? Should the Nobel committees be charged with racism?
Jews are not the only people taking more than their "fair share" of things. Blacks are 13 percent of the U.S. population but, in some seasons, have been as high as 84 percent of NBA players. Compounding that "injustice," blacks are the highest-paid basketball players and win nearly all of the MVP prizes. Blacks are also guilty of taking 67 percent, an "unfair" share, of professional football jobs. Blacks are in the top salary category in every offensive and defensive position except quarterback. But let's not lull ourselves into complacency. How often do you see a black NFL kicker or punter?
Laotian, Samoan and Vietnamese women have the highest cervical cancer rates in the United States. The Pima Indians of Arizona have the highest reported prevalence of diabetes of any population in the world. Tay-Sachs disease favors Ashkenazi Jews. Cystic fibrosis haunts white people. Blacks of West African ethnic origin have the highest incidence of sickle cell anemia. The prevalence of prostate cancer is lower in men of South Asian ethnicity than in the general population. Black American men have the highest prostate cancer rates of any racial or ethnic group in the United States. Black males are also 30 percent likelier to die from heart disease than white men.
There are loads of other disparities based upon physical characteristics, but it would take a fool to believe that we are all equal and any difference between us is a result of some kind of social injustice that begs for a societal remedy. The only kind of equality consistent with liberty is equality before the law — which doesn't require that people be in fact equal.