An Ode to the English Plural
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
It is a CUY!!! from Peru!!!!
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
It is now understandable:
English people are Coo-Coo!!
A husband and wife are travelling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him that $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.
The manager listens to the man and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the manager.
"Well," the man replies, " she was here, and you could have."
Golf has more rules than any other game, because golf has more cheaters than any other game.
It takes two things to be a consultant - gray hair and hemorrhoids.
The gray hair makes you look distinguished and the hemorrhoids make you look concerned.
Little Mary came home from school with a smile on her
face and told her mother,
"Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground."
Before the mother could raise a concern, Mary went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Mary's Mum asked, "Really small, was it?"
Mary replied, "No ..... Salty."
Issue of the Times;
The Greatest Anti-White Boxer of All Time by Jim Goad
Muhammad Ali, widely regarded as the world’s most famous man, died Friday at age 74. Born Cassius Marcellus Clay, he was a titan both as a boxer and a provocateur.
Because we live in an era much weaker and more sensitive than it was during Ali’s prime, his death is being eulogized with the sort of solemn, sanctimony-addled, weak-tea, low-T, hagiographic twaddle we’ve come to expect from neutered zombie bloggers on antidepressants. Just as mainstream history has Photoshopped all the warts off Nelson Mandela and MLK, Ali is now strictly framed as an inspirational figure who “spoke out against racism.” (Certainly they don’t mean the time he condemned interracial sex before a cheering crowd of Klansmen?)
The sad truth is that by shellacking history with a paintbrush soaked in modern pieties, they’re suppressing how hilariously insensitive Ali was. For example, after being forced into an impromptu photo session with The Beatles in 1964, he reportedly turned to an associate and asked, “So who were those little faggots?”
Mere weeks later, he announced that he was changing his “slave name” of Cassius Marcellus Clay to Muhammad Ali at the behest of Elijah Muhammad, leader of the Nation of Islam. For years, Ali would be used as a completely hoodwinked and manipulated and bamboozled puppet of the NOI and its ditzy theories about Yakub and the Mother Plane.
But sad to say, despite their well-deserved reputation as tremendous athletes and sparkling entertainers, many American blacks have an unfortunate tendency to do dopey things when attempting to “reclaim” their lost heritage. For example, when they renounce Christianity in favor of Islam, they are merely trading one group of their former slave masters for another. Likewise, the original Cassius Marcellus Clay—after whom the boxer was named—was a white anti-slavery crusader who fought with the Union in the Civil War, whereas Muhammad Ali of Egypt was a warlord whose army enslaved the Sudanese.
From 1964 to 1980, Clay/Ali gifted the world with a string of spectacularly insensitive comments that would get any modern white man socially exiled to Pluto for daring to utter their equivalent:
“Integration is wrong. The white people don’t want integration. I don’t believe in forcing it….”
—1964 interview with the Louisville Courier-Journal
“The white man want me hugging on a white women, or endorsing some whiskey, or some skin bleach, lightening the skin when I’m promoting black as best.”
—1966 interview with Sports Illustrated
“My enemies are white people, not Viet Congs or Chinese or Japanese.”
—1967 interview regarding the draft
“All Jews and gentiles are devils….Blacks are no devils….Everything black people doing wrong comes from (the white people—drinking, smoking, prostitution, homosexuality, stealing, gambling—it all comes from (the white people).”
—1969 interview with David Frost
“Every intelligent person wants his child to look like him. I’m sad because I [don’t] want to blot out my race and lose my beautiful identity? Chinese love Chinese—they love their little slanted-eyed, pretty brown-skinned babies. Pakistanis love their culture. Jewish people love their culture. Lotta Catholics don’t wanna marry nothing but Catholics, they want their religion to stay the same. Who wanna spot up yourself and kill your race? You a hater of your people if you don’t want to stay who you are.”
—1971 BBC interview with the portentously named Michael Parkinson
“A black man should be killed if he’s messing with a white woman. And white men have always done that….And not just white men—black men, too. We will kill you, and the brothers who don’t kill you will get their behinds whipped and probably get killed themselves if they let it happen and don’t do nothin’ about it.”
—1975 interview with Playboy
“You know the entire power structure is Zionist. They control America; they control the world.”
—1980 interview with India Today
Ali relentlessly taunted other black boxers, calling them “Uncle Toms” and “gorillas.” He once said that while clinching white boxers, he’d whisper in their ears that the Black Panthers knew where they lived and were going to burn their house down. He also reportedly lied in a 1975 autobiography when claiming that being refused service at a white restaurant caused him to toss his 1960 Olympics Gold Medal in the Ohio River. According to Ali’s friend Bundini Brown, “Honkies sure bought into that one!”
Although Ali’s indomitable ego fueled his ascendancy, it would later prove to be his undoing. He continued stubbornly fighting long after he’d lost his magic, and his 1980 battering at the hands of Larry Holmes was so lopsided, Holmes—a lifelong Ali fan—reportedly cried after the fight out of guilt. In 1984 Ali was diagnosed with what is now called Parkinson’s disease. It was a grim prolonged public spectacle to view the once indomitably brash heavyweight champion reduced to a jittering mess whose condition was so familiar that comedian Greg Giraldo once joked to Pamela Anderson, “You’ve caused me to spill more seed than Muhammad Ali at a bird feeder.”
Since the 1960s are still remembered as the time when everything changed for the better rather than started falling apart, the reigning modern historians have recast Ali as a man of peace and healing and love and one-worldsmanship rather than the fearless master of physical and psychological cruelty that he was.
Two of my favorite Ali quotes—besides “So who were those little faggots?,” which will never be topped—touch upon one of the most unspeakable topics in this modern “conversation” about race which we’re all supposed to be having but are simultaneously forbidden from even beginning to have. The topic is whether blacks, for all the oppression and brutality they allegedly endure in America, have it worse in Africa.
At the 1960 Rome Olympics, Ali told a reporter:
“To me, the U.S.A. is still the best country in the world, counting yours. It may be hard to eat sometimes, but anyhow I ain’t fighting alligators and living in a mud hut.”
After Ali spent months training in Zaire to fight George Foreman, a reporter asked him his impressions of Africa. Ali’s response proves that although his IQ was twice tested at 78, he was a genius at making pithy rejoinders:
“Thank God my granddaddy got on that boat.”
Quote of the Times;
San Jose’s police chief Eddie Garcia told his men not to intervene in the violence. He implausibly claimed that 250 cops were unable to handle an estimated 400 rioters. He is also, as luck would have it, a proud supporter of La Raza (The Race). In other words, a Latino cop who supports a pro-Mexican racial-identity group told his men to stand and watch while Mexicans beat up white people.
Link of the Times;