Coronavirus isn't Trumps Fault. Ebola wasn't Obama's Fault. SARS wasn't Bush's fault.
And only a handful of cases of herpes were Clinton's fault.
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, like visualization, association, and so on. It was great. I haven't had a problem since."
"Sounds like something I could use. What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!"
He turned to his wife, "Hey Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Joe Biden has committed to wearing a mask in public to be a good example and to prevent the spread of COVID-19. Aides were disappointed and a little frightened, however, when Biden immediately cut a large hole in the middle of the mask so he could continue to invade people's personal space and sniff their hair, necks, and faces.
Staffers usually don't let Biden play with sharp objects, but he managed to find some safety scissors stashed behind the Metamucil in his campaign bus. Using the purple plastic scissors, he cut a large hole and then fitted the mask to his face, confident that he was protecting himself and others from the virus.
"That's better," he said as he cut a big hole for his schnoz. "Now I'm protecting against infection and I'm still able to give the ladies a good sniff. You know, in my day, I wore a mask just like this, as was the fashion at the time. All the kids at the pool would ask to play with the mask, and they'd run their fingers through it. In fact, one time, a gangster named CornPop was about to go cause some trouble at the sock hop, and I put some rocks in my mask and started swinging it around like a sling. You know, real Daniel and Goliath type stuff. He looked at me, tears in his eyes, and promised never again to go out and cause a ruckus."
"Anyway, that's why I'm your best choice for senator of the Roman Empire. Vote for Joe!" Biden said suddenly coming to and realized he was standing in a Walmart parking lot talking to a hobo.
What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common?
They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
My grandfather’s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.
That’s a lot of pressure.
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The debate over immigration is over: restriction wins. The debate over borders is over: they are needed. The debate over globalization is over: the era of autarky begins. The debate over Europe is over: it is a geographic expression, not a polity. The debate over global warming is over: it is irrelevant. The debate over international institutions is over: only nations matter. The debate over the People’s Republic of China is over: it is a menace to the community of nations, not a member in good standing. Crisis is clarity. This has been an era of clarification.
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Team Trump to Jim Acosta: Here’s Your Examples of Mail-In Voter Fraud by Charlie Spierling
President Donald Trump’s re-election campaign on Wednesday responded to CNN reporter Jim Acosta, who demanded evidence of the president’s claims of voter fraud.
“You’ve been talking about voter fraud since the beginning of this administration and where is the evidence of it?” Acosta asked during the White House press briefing, insisting that “all the experts say voter fraud is rare.”
Trump replied, “I think there’s a lot of evidence, but we’ll provide you with some, okay?”
The president’s re-election campaign responded quickly to Acosta’s request, noting there were nine people charged in the Rio Grande Valley in Texas with “vote harvesting” and mail ballots, a political operative in New York stealing and submitting absentee ballots, and a resident in Pennsylvania receiving seven separate ballots in the mail.
The campaign also shared a Heritage Foundation document of over 1,000 proven cases of vote fraud.
“Democrats and the mainstream media always scoff at claims of voter fraud, but then completely ignore evidence from across the country,” Trump 2020 campaign manager Brad Parscale said in a statement. “The obvious reason is that Democrats are just fine with the possibility of voter fraud. And many in the media just see the world their way.”
The Trump campaign also quoted an election expert in the New York Times who said although election fraud was rare, “the most common type of such fraud in the United States involves absentee ballots” through the mail.
President Trump cited ongoing legal action from Judicial Watch forcing states to clear millions of ineligible voter registrations within 90 days as proof of voter fraud.
The White House also shared details of 2005 commission led by President Jimmy Carter and George W. Bush’s secretary of state James A. Baker III that concluded mail-in ballots “remain the largest source of potential voter fraud.”
“Outside those in the establishment media who are more interested in attacking the President than the facts, there’s a clear consensus that universal mail-in voting would be vulnerable to fraud,” a White House source told Breitbart News in a statement.
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