As I swept up the latest round of shards, I began to wonder if vending machines were the best way to sell ceramic figurines.

*.*

A big, burly man visited the pastor's home and asked to see the minister's wife, a woman well known for her charitable impulses.

"Madam," he said in a broken voice, "I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400."

"How terrible!" exclaimed the preacher's wife.

"May I ask who you are?"

The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes. "I'm the landlord," he sobbed.

*.*

Greetings, fellow wanderer. Are you homesick for a land you’ve never visited? If so, you may be stricken with a condition called wanderlust. I first felt the impulse, or should I say need to roam, while grinding out an exhausting 12 hour week at my father’s law firm. I grabbed only what I could carry and jumped on the next first-class flight to Barcelona. Fourteen months later, I can confidently say I’ve traveled the world with nothing but a backpack and massive trust fund.

I was raised a sheltered latchkey kid who had only ever seen the world through ritzy five star hotels across the United States. I’m proud to say that I’ve expanded my worldview by experiencing five star hotels all across the globe. My friends love to hear my take on current events because they know I’ve seen it all, from the the astounding glitz of Dubai to the sickening poverty of the Fyre Festival.

Growing up in an affluent suburb of Boston, I was limited to the same detached religious experience shared by most Americans when my parents would drag me to the Bohemian Grove once a year to perform ritual sacrifice at the feet of Moloch. After some spiritual growth abroad, I proudly flaunt my yin yang tattoo to honor the Hindu God, Buddha.

I wrote this blog post to say that you too can experience all the world has to offer with only a camping pack and incredible cache of wealth secured in the Caymans.

The key to living out of a pack is to only bring the essentials— a tattered copy of Eat, Pray, Love, a sage smudging stick, blood diamonds, a yoga mat and your Amex Black Card. Carrying frivolous items is like making eye contact with a housekeeper, you’ll regret it later. If you ever run into trouble, remember that you can get out of a bind in any nation using only some common sense and an Illuminati membership sigil.

They say “when in Rome, do as the Romans do.” In the US, I frequently leave generous tips of five or even ten percent, but this is frowned upon in places like Mumbai. You should have seen the look on the untouchable latrine-boy’ face when I nearly tipped him twenty dollars, several months pay in his world. Thank Shiva I realized my mistake in time and gave him the only gratuity he desired, a solemn namaste and a pat on the head before pocketing the cash for my tri-daily Fiji water.

Be true to yourself on your path, I’m bound for sunny North Korea. I hear the DMZ is dazzling this time of year and I’ve been meaning to add to my collection of foreign propaganda posters.

*.*

Fascinating Historical Origins Of Everyday Idioms

10. Scapegoat
Today’s meaning: A person who is blamed for the mistakes of others

Real goats may be saddened to learn the origins of “scapegoat,” which was birthed in an ancient Hebrew tradition. Yom Kippur was a day of atonement and the holiest day in the Jewish calendar. Made from the Hebrew words for “goat for Azazel,” “scapegoat” was first used in 1530 by William Tyndale. In Tyndale’s English translation of the Bible, the word “Azazel” only appears in the context of one particular Jewish ritual. Cutting it into two words, Tyndale translated it as “the goat which escapes” or “escape goat.”
Heeding the ritual was a way for the Israelites to be absolved of their sins, and it started with two goats being presented to the high priest. After the presentation, one was given as a sacrifice to Jehovah and the other was saved for a special purpose. Every one of the sins of the people were placed on the head of Azazel’s goat before it was led out into the wilderness. Like an unwanted child in a Brothers Grimm tale, the goat was simply abandoned away from civilization—according to some historians. It was much more likely that the goat was led to the edge of a cliff and “encouraged” to jump off. (The Hebrew word Tyndale translated as “escape” is more commonly translated as “go away forever.”)

9. White Elephant
Today’s meaning: Something that costs more than it’s worth

Coming from the kingdom of Siam (modern-day Thailand), this phrase was birthed from the customs of the Siamese kings. When the king took offense at something someone said or did, he didn’t leap straight to an execution. Offended but fair, he would grant the victim a gift, a symbol for the country itself: a white elephant. The offender was unable to refuse the gift, as doing so was equivalent to treason. Why would someone refuse such a lavish gift? Because taking care of the elephant would likely make the offender go bankrupt.
The introduction of the phrase into the English lexicon was hurried by the famous showman and circus owner P.T. Barnum. One of the first to bring one of the venerated animals out of the country, he introduced it to a rapt public desperate for the exotic. None of the spectators were happy when they discovered the elephant presented to them was light gray instead of white. Barnum himself knew they weren’t supposed to be milky white and worked to dispel the myth that they were.

8. Running Amok
Today’s meaning: A sudden assault against people or objects; out of control

Seen today as a genuine psychiatric condition found in nearly every culture on the planet, the phrase, as well as the idea itself, comes from the tribesmen of the Malay people in the 1700s. Excused as a curse laid down on someone by malevolent spirits, a person who was running amok would often be unable to reason, harming everything within reach until subdued. Sadly, the sufferer was often killed in the process.
In the 1770s, one of the earliest Western depictions of the ailment was given to us by the British explorer James Cook, who wrote about an episode he witnessed firsthand. The psychosis often resulted in the maiming of multiple victims and occurred without warning, cause, or target. The word itself derives from the Malay word mengamok, which roughly translates as “to make a furious and desperate charge.”

7. Gadzooks
Today’s meaning: An exclamation of surprise or annoyance

“Gadzooks” is an expression known as a minced oath, meant to allow Christians to avoid taking the Lord’s name in vain. The English Parliament actually passed a bill in the early 1600s to make it a fineable offense to “profanely speak the holy name of God.” It didn’t take long for Christians of the time to find ways around the fine. Eventually, “God” was changed to “gad” or “od” when combined with other words to make this easier.
The word “gadzooks” was the euphemistic form of the phrase “God’s hooks,” itself a reference to the nails or spikes that held Christ to the cross. Yet another phrase is “odds bodkins,” similar to “gadzooks,” with it taking the place of “God’s body.”

6. Add Insult To Injury
Today’s meaning: To make a bad situation worse

Ultimately derived from Aesop’s fable “The Bald Man and the Fly,” this phrase finds its origins within the translation of the Roman writer Phaedrus, who lived in the first century AD. In the story, a fly bites a bald man on the head. When the man tries to swat the fly, he strikes himself in the head and wounds himself mortally. As the man lies dying, the fly flits in circles above him and taunts him, condemning him for making himself look bad and for killing himself. In other versions of the story, the man lives but still suffers the indignity of having the fly mock him. (The original fable, perhaps the strangest surviving version, has the man hit the fly and then insult himself.)
Unfortunately for Phaedrus, the Roman emperor Sejanus objected to his writings, claiming they painted him in a derogatory light. Neither the exact punishment, nor Phaedrus’ fate, has ever been discovered, but one theory is that he was exiled and continued to write while suffering his punishment.

5. Between A Rock And A Hard Place
Today’s meaning: Having to choose between two undesired options

A phrase similar in meaning to “between a rock and a hard place” has existed since the fourth century BC. The exact phrase is much newer, only dating to the20th-century US. Coined by miners, it then referred to choosing between unemployment and strenuous, low-paying work at the mine. Those miners probably didn’t know the phrase originally came from the Greek poet Homer.
In the epic poem The Odyssey, Odysseus and his men have to travel through the Straits of Messina, an area of the sea guarded by two fearsome monsters: Scylla, a monster with six mouths and 12 feet, and Charybdis, either a sea monster who produced a whirlpool or simply a whirlpool itself. Opting for either one was sure to result in death, for at least some of the crew, so the phrase “between Scylla and Charybdis” came to mean having to choose the lesser of two evils.

4. Bust One’s Chops
Today’s meaning: Call one’s bluff; criticize someone

In the 1800s, when sideburns (and Ambrose Burnside) were at the height of their popularity, this phrase was often used as a challenge to someone’s integrity. The phrase fell out of popular usage around the start of World War I, as men needed to shave the sides of their faces in order to accommodate protective gas masks.
As a phrase, it was not only to be taken figuratively, “bust one’s chop” was also to be taken literally. A “bust to one’s chops” could reference a punch to the side of one’s face. Thanks to the popularity of sideburns between the 1950s and the 1970s, and men like Lemmy, the phrase made a brief comeback before fading into relative obscurity today.

3. Give The Cold Shoulder
Today’s meaning: To disregard someone

Although its true origins are unclear, the earliest written evidence of this phrase comes from the writings of Walter Scott, a Scottish poet and novelist who lived in the 18th and 19th centuries. Though his work never mentions food or gives any indication as to its origin, it is believed that it derives from an earlier phrase “to give the cold shoulder of mutton.”
The older phrase was used with an unwanted guest in another’s house. To save face or to avoid an awkward conversation, the host might serve an inferior cut of meat (cold mutton, for example) to indicate to that particular person they were not welcome any longer.

2. Basket Case
Today’s meaning: A person or thing unable to handle their situation; a crazy person

Used in the US as far back as 1919, the phrase finds its origins in war. Most of the earliest uses refer to a person who had all four of their limbs amputated, indicating they were “stuck in a basket,” with some feeling this was literal. Despite the repeated denial by military officials of the existence of any soldiers who were actually stuck in baskets, the rumor persisted for a number of decades.
The modern meaning came to us years later, possibly as early as the late 1940s. But the modern meaning is just a natural evolution of the phrase. As someone with their limbs amputated would be unlikely to be able care for themselves, it would stand to reason neither would a person with severe mental difficulties.

1. In Stitches
Today’s meaning: Laughing uncontrollably

The Immortal Bard, Shakespeare, coined many phrases, but we’ve picked just one. Derived from a phrase from his time and first used in the play Twelfth Night, “to be in stitches” means to be in such pain from laughter that you feel like you’re being poked by a needle. Even with Shakespeare’s help, the phrase faded from use.
Surfacing again in the 1900s, it had transformed from its original phrasing, “laugh yourself into stitches.” Though not as common today as it was in the 20th century, “in stitches” or “had me in stitches” is now common parlance. Shakespeare’s credits also include “break the ice,” “brave new world,” and “bated breath.” These are just a few of the more than 1,700 words and phrases we can thank the Bard for introducing.

*.*

The really cool thing about dating bisexuals is that if you ever had a sex change operation, they'd probably still want to date you.

Quote of the Times;
A man may make bold proclamations about being free, but as soon as he becomes free, he quickly seeks out an object or being to submit to, whether it’s a vice, a woman, or a god. It is impossible for a man to exist in nature without worshiping what he believes is higher than himself.

Link of the Times;
https://www.techspot.com/news/80729-complete-list-alternatives-all-google-products.html

Issue of the Times;
Where the Democrats are Trying to Take Us by Steve McCann

After watching the first two Democratic Party presidential debates last week, it has become crystal clear that there are embedded in this nation’s body politic prospective oligarchs who are overwhelming threats to the future of the nation. The Democratic Party and its puppet masters are unquestionably a clear and present danger to the United States

The primary threat to this nation is not Donald Trump nor his supporters but an evolving autocratic oligarchy made up of the hierarchy of American Left, which includes elements of the political class, the mainstream media, the education establishment and, most recently, the titans of Silicon Valley. Over the past 25 years, while the bulk of the Republican Party and the hierarchy of the conservative movement myopically extended the hand of friendship, this cabal has been overwhelmingly successful in their stealth takeover of the Democratic Party, which is now the vehicle being utilized to manipulate the “unenlightened and inferior” masses with utopian promises and empty rhetoric.

They are doing so by promoting a so-called benevolent and just central government (i.e. socialism) dominated in perpetuity by the “enlightened” while promoting their brand of socialism and obliterating any opposition. Additionally, their evolving position on abortion and euthanasia reflects the mindset that deems virtually all human beings as mere pawns of the state.

The common mindset of all those determined to seize power in perpetuity, either by force of arms or the ballot box, is a profound contempt for the dignity and sanctity of human life. This is a philosophical necessity in order to view the bulk of the populace as inferior and therefore servants and wards of the state to be exploited or restrained for political or economic ends. Over time, this mentality inevitably and rapidly descends into the abyss of malevolence and the indiscriminate taking of life. The first irreversible step in the evolution of this mindset is unfettered abortion at any stage of gestation or immediately after birth as well as the acceptance and promotion of unrestrained government sponsored euthanasia.

Additionally, over the past 90 years virtually all potential oligarchs or tyrants have utilized the following six political stratagems, that do not require armed conflict, in order to permanently obliterate any opposition. They were first employed by Adolf Hitler and documented by renowned American Psychoanalyst, Dr. Walter C Langer:

Keep the public in a state of constant turmoil. Pre-identify favored groups by race, economic status, ideology or religion and through constant repetition by allies in the media and entertainment cabal, establish that any perceived disadvantage within those assemblages is solely the fault of another pre-identified and isolated group, particularly Jews, traditional Christians and the capitalists.

Never concede that there may be some good in your political enemy. State loudly and often that they are a permanent adversary because they are determined to oppress the favored groups identified in 1) above as well as being racist, avaricious, treasonous etc. (i.e. the worst people on earth). Thus, abrogation of their free speech privileges, their right to own firearms and to freely assemble is not only acceptable but a necessity.

Never miss an opportunity to repeatedly and loudly blame one’s political enemy for anything that goes wrong regardless of how inane or unreasonable. Thus, faux crises must be orchestrated as often as possible in order to blame the other side. Further, any natural disaster or any aggressive action by a foreign adversary must also be attributed to one’s political adversary.

Never acknowledge or divulge that your side is at fault or wrong regardless of the situation or issue.

Never, under any circumstances, leave room for civil discourse regarding alternative societal or governmental policies by proclaiming that those promoting any alternative have a hidden treasonous agenda. Continually maintain the assertion as being irrefutable that a central government, in the hands of the enlightened, can resolve any issue and make life better.

Finally, always utilize the ultimate tactic in promoting dogma or denigrating one’s opponent: The Big Lie. People will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if it is repeated frequently enough, people will sooner or later accept it as the truth. The fabricated dire consequences of so-called climate change; the contrived narrative of Donald Trump colluding with Russia; the myth of rampant white nationalism and the illusion that this is a virulently racist nation are recent examples of this stratagem.

Even the least politically involved Americans can see that over the past two decades, the hierarchy of the American Left and its appendages as well as many elected officials in the Democratic Party have been shamelessly utilizing all these tactics.

Further, this clique, in their disdain for human life is not only exploiting gullible and ill-educated armies of illegal immigrants as pawns in an attempt to create a new and reliable voting bloc and rend the fabric of the nation; they are also unabashedly in favor of unfettered abortion at any stage of gestation, upon birth or shortly thereafter, and have also begun promoting unrestrained euthanasia.

As confirmed by all 24 candidates presently running for the Democratic Party presidential nomination singing out of the same hymn book, this potential oligarchy, in order to assume power in perpetuity, is continuing its attempt to hoodwink the electorate with deceptive and unrealizable utopian promises straight out of the Marxian Socialist playbook.

Hence, the American Left, and its political arm-- the Democratic Party-- is the ideological and spiritual offspring of the callous authoritarians that ran roughshod throughout the twentieth century. The American Left may not harbor the murderous and tyrannical urges of many of those despots but their determination to control all the levers of power is no different. Over the past century, Socialism, regardless of its many names and faces, is a contrived Ponzi scheme utilized by those with either megalomaniacal or ruthless inclinations in order to permanently insert themselves at the helm of a nation’s ruling structure.

During the more than two years of his presidency, Donald Trump has not employed these self-serving tactics, he is unabashedly a promoter of pro-life causes and he has been a champion of liberty and capitalism. As someone who has firsthand experience with the tyranny of Nazism or National Socialism, I can say with confidence that Donald Trump is the antithesis of a potential despot and that the vast bulk of those who support him are patriots and the polar opposite of Fascist sympathizers.

Because of the unique structure of checks and balances set out in the Constitution, this nation can only function with two major political parties. One of these, the Democratic Party, as these dreadful debates reinforced, is now controlled by authoritarian oligarchs. Never in its 243-year history has the United States faced such a stark political contrast or threat to its founding principles.

Unless and until the Democratic Party permanently rids itself of those in the thrall of socialism and afflicted with megalomania or is discarded on the ash heap of history, the American people, and in particular many elected Republicans and the myopic self-serving Never Trump faction in the hierarchy of the conservative movement, must understand that there is no option other than Donald Trump in 2020 and a vibrant combative conservative pro- American or nationalist movement for the foreseeable future.

A new report shows that the DNC has spent more money than it’s raised this year.

That’s not a news story – that’s a Democratic Party platform plank.

*.*

Those fabulous Jewish Comedians

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea .

She was at the beauty shop for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check
came back.”
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"…
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
They never let anyone finish a sentence!

*.*

A new report says 49% of Americans under 35 have a "side hustle"-a second job on top of their regular job. I'm shocked: only ONE extra job?

Researchers say they have identified maximum human exertion. To no one's surprise, they weren't looking at me.

The captain of a tourist boat that crashed in Hungary was also involved in a collision in the Netherlands. That explains the word "consistent" on his resume.

Justin Bieber has challenged Tom Cruise to an MMA fight. I don't know who to root against.

16,000 people in Los Angeles now live in their cars, trucks, vans or SUVs. And that's just those on the freeways!

Listen to these Father's Day numbers - $467 million is going to be spent on gifts. $140 million spent on food and drink and $52 million on cards and wraps. And THAT'S just the Kardashians.

A study says snoring may make people age faster. Well, that explains why I look 196.

O.J. Simpson says his life has entered a "no negative" zone. Which I'm taking to meaning that whatever was negative in his life, he killed it.

A new study says having a life purpose is linked to a longer life... if you do it on purpose.

A protective glass layer on the Skydeck ledge at the Willis Tower in Chicago cracked under visitors' feet. No one was hurt, but there was some serious pants damage.

*.*

An airplane is in mid-flight over the ocean when suddenly the cockpit door burst open to reveal an armed, masked hijacker to a startled pilot, co-pilot, navigator, and a stewardess.

He held a gun to the pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill your brains all over the place. The pilot calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and says, "Look buddy, if you shoot me this plane will crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought about it, then held the gun to the co-pilot's head and said, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place."

The co-pilot also calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "Listen to me. The pilot's got a bad heart and he could keel over at the shock of my being killed. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought about it for a moment and then held the gun to the navigator's head and repeated, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HIS brains all over the place."

The navigator calmly reached up, pushed the gun aside and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Those two guys have no sense of direction. Without me they couldn't find their way out of a paper bag much less get this plane to Iraq. So if you shoot me, this plane will still crash right into the sea and you'll die along with the rest of us."

The hijacker thought some more, shrugged and this time held the gun to the stewardess' head and demanded, "Take this plane to Iraq or I'm gonna spill HER brains all over the place."

But the stewardess leaned over and whispered something into the hijacker's ear. He turned beet red, dropped his gun, and ran out of the cockpit in a panic.

The crew tracked down the hijacker, who was found cowering in a lavatory, and tied him up.
The pilot then asked the flight attendant what she said that terrified the man so.

"I told him, sir, that if he killed me, he'd be the one who'd have to give you guys your blowjobs."

*.*

Three members of a weekly female bridge quartet were duly impressed when the fourth arrived wearing a gorgeous new mink coat.

"That's a lovely garment Dottie," purred one woman "It must have cost you a fortune!"

"But it didn't," said Dottie, "just a single piece of ass."

"You mean," continued the admirer of the coat, "One that you gave your husband?"

"No," smiled the coat wearer, "One that he got from the maid."

Quote of the Times;
“The urge to denigrate is an attempt to establish your own superiority by imposing humiliation on someone else - as well as a naked admission that you have no other way to demonstrate your personal merit.” - Tracinski,

Link of the Times;
https://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2019/06/what_will_it_look_like_when_we_lose_our_civilization.html

Issue of the Times;
Hate Crime Hoaxes Are More Common Than You Think by Jason L. Riley

A political scientist found that fewer than 1 in 3 of 346 such allegations was genuine.

When I asked Wilfred Reilly about last week’s appointment of a special prosecutor in Chicago to take up the Jussie Smollett case, he was cautiously optimistic. Mr. Reilly is author of a new book, “Hate Crime Hoax,” in which he details how the initial publicity for supposed hate crimes tends all but to disappear if the allegations are exposed as fake.

So does the sustained press coverage of Mr. Smollett—the television actor who was accused of staging an attack on himself back in January, only to have all 16 felony counts against him abruptly dropped for reasons that prosecutors have never made clear—represent progress of sorts?

“It’s the archetype of a hate crime hoax. It’s one of the most flamboyant examples of the genre,” said Mr. Reilly, himself a Second City native. An openly gay black man residing in one of the country’s most liberal and diverse metropolises is set upon by two white Donald Trump supporters who brandish bleach and a noose while shouting racial and antigay slurs? “It was a situation so extreme and bizarre that I think we would have had to look at how much racial progress the U.S. had actually made had it really occurred.” The appointment of a special prosecutor, and the possibility of bringing new charges against Mr. Smollett, is a good sign, Mr. Reilly added, “but will we see the same amount of coverage when the hoax involves a less famous person?”
Mr. Reilly is a professor of political science at Kentucky State University, and his interest in hate crimes dates to his graduate-school days, when he became aware of several widely reported incidents in the vicinity of his hometown that turned out to be fake. In 2012 a popular gay bar in suburban Chicago was destroyed by fire, and the owner cited homophobia as the reason. The same year, black students at the University of Wisconsin-Parkside reported death threats from hate groups and found a noose hanging from a dorm room door. Ultimately, the owner of the bar pleaded guilty to arson and insurance fraud. And a black student at the university fessed up to sending racist threats and planting a noose.

More incidents followed, and Mr. Reilly’s skepticism grew. “This phenomenon of fake hate crimes did not appear to be small-scale or regionally based,” he writes. A gay pastor in Texas accused a Whole Foods store of selling him a cake with a slur written in icing. The store produced video evidence that the pastor was lying. A white woman in Oregon disfigured her own face with acid and claimed a black man had attacked her. Later, she admitted fabricating the entire story. After signs that read “blacks only” and “whites only” were found at bathroom entrances on the University at Buffalo campus in upstate New York, a black graduate student confessed to posting them.

Mr. Reilly eventually compiled a database of 346 hate-crime allegations and determined that less than a third were genuine. Turning his attention to the hoaxes, he put together a data set of more than 400 confirmed cases of fake allegations that were reported to authorities between 2010 and 2017. He allows that the exact number of false reports is probably unknowable, but what can be said “with absolute confidence is that the actual number of hate crime hoaxes is indisputably large,” he writes. “We are not speaking here of just a few bad apples.”

The author’s bigger concern, and rightly so, is the growing politicization of hate crimes, especially when they are directed at underrepresented groups and regardless of whether they in fact happened. The sad reality is that there is no shortage of individuals and entities with a vested interest in exaggerating racial tensions in the U.S.—from civil-rights organizations to corporate diversity officers to professors of race and gender studies.

These alleged incidents are invariably seized upon by politicians and activists looking to feed a sacrosanct belief among liberals that discrimination and oppression are the main drivers of inequality. “In the mainstream media we hear almost constant talk about scary new forms of racism: ‘white privilege,’ ‘cultural appropriation,’ and ‘subtle bigotry,’ ” Mr. Reilly writes, yet “a huge percentage of the horrific hate crimes cited as evidence of contemporary bigotry are fakes.”

If “Hate Crime Hoax” merely offered examples to illustrate the extent of this phenomenon—and the book offers nearly 100—it would be providing a much-needed public service. But Mr. Reilly has a larger point to make. The Smollett case isn’t an outlier. Increasingly, it’s the norm. And the media’s relative lack of interest in exposing hoaxes that don’t involve famous figures is a big part of the problem.

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.

"If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.

The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."

*.*

Critics are saying the new Godzilla movie is just absurd. How could a film about a giant radioactive oversized lizard be absurd?

NBA referee Ron Garretson was arrested in Arizona for extreme DUI after crashing his car into a tree. Yes, the tree's feet were planted.

Saw this on the sign of an auto shop: "Stop here for a free brake inspection" and I'm thinking, "You know, if I was having trouble with my brakes, how am I supposed to stop?"

Saw this on a church: "Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted."

Televangelist Kenneth Copeland says he needs three private jets because commercial jets are "tubes with demons." Someone's apparently flown on United... .

A Florida man is facing domestic battery charges after he covered his girlfriend with ketchup while she slept. She woke up to a scene like in the Godfather, except this one would have gone great with fries.

A new book says the way to improve life is by learning to say no. I was going to buy the book, but just said, "No" and after doing that, I figured I didn't need it.

Lori Loughlin says she’s “exasperated” that her college admissions scandal case is taking so long. Well, she could always try to speed things up by slipping the judge a hun or two.
*.*

A son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?"

The father answers, "Well, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

His infuriated wife said, "And how many kinds of 'willies' are there? A man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?" asked the boy.

"Yes," said the mother, "Dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

*.*

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off, "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30." She said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a dip and chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like crap!" Then I would say, "It is crap. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

*.*

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me feel happy and sad at the same time."

The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."

Quote of the Times;
All behavior is driven by the desire to solve a problem. Habits are compound interest. – Clear

Link of the Times;
http://amp.washingtontimes.com/news/2015/aug/19/planned-parenthood-kept-aborted-babies-alive-to-ha

Issue of the Times;
The 630 Year-Old Reason Eastern Europeans Dislike Islam by Raymond Ibrahim

Why Eastern Europeans are much more reluctant to accept Muslim migrants than their Western counterparts can be traced back to circumstances surrounding a pivotal battle, that of Kosovo, which took place today, June 15, exactly 630 years ago today in 1389. It pitted Muslim invaders against Eastern European defenders, or the ancestors of those many Eastern Europeans today who are resistant to Islam.

Because the jihad is as old as Islam, it has been championed by diverse peoples throughout the centuries — Arabs in the Middle East, Moors (Berbers and Africans) in Spain and Western Europe, etc. Islam's successful entry into Eastern Europe was spearheaded by the Turks, specifically that tribe centered in westernmost Anatolia (or Asia Minor) and thus nearest to Europe, the Ottoman Turks, so-named after their founder, Osman Bey. As he lay dying in 1323, his parting words to his son and successor, Orhan, were for him "to propagate Islam by your arms."

This his son certainly did; the traveler Ibn Batutua, who once met Orhan in Bursa, observed that although the jihadi had captured some one hundred Byzantine fortresses, "he had never stayed for a whole month in any one town," because he "fights with the infidels continually and keeps them under siege." Christian cities fell like dominoes: Smyrna in 1329, Nicaea in 1331, and Nicomedia in 1337. By 1340, the whole of northwest Anatolia was under Turkic control. By now and to quote a European contemporary, "the foes of the cross, and the killers of the Christian people, that is, the Turks, [were] separated from Constantinople by a channel of three or four miles."

By 1354, the Ottoman Turks, under Orhan's son, Suleiman, managed to cross over the Dardanelles and into the abandoned fortress town of Gallipoli, thereby establishing their first foothold in Europe: "Where there were churches he destroyed them or converted them to mosques," writes an Ottoman chronicler. "Where there were bells, Suleiman broke them up and cast them into fires. Thus, in place of bells there were now muezzins."

Cleansed of all Christian "filth," Gallipoli became, as a later Ottoman bey boasted, "the Muslim throat that gulps down every Christian nation — that chokes and destroys the Christians." From this dilapidated but strategically situated fortress town, the Ottomans launched a campaign of terror throughout the countryside, always convinced they were doing God's work. "They live by the bow, the sword, and debauchery, finding pleasure in taking slaves, devoting themselves to murder, pillage, spoil," explained Gregory Palamas, an Orthodox metropolitan who was taken captive in Gallipoli, adding, "and not only do they commit these crimes, but even — what an aberration — they believe that God approves them!"

After Orhan's death in 1360 and under his son Murad I — the first of his line to adopt the title "Sultan" — the westward jihad into the Balkans began in earnest and was unstoppable. By 1371, he had annexed portions of Bulgaria and Macedonia to his sultanate, which now so engulfed Constantinople that "a citizen could leave the empire simply by walking outside the city gates."

Unsurprisingly, then, when Prince Lazar of Serbia (b. 1330) defeated Murad's invading forces in 1387, "there was wild rejoicing among the Slavs of the Balkans. Serbians, Bosnians, Albanians, Bulgarians, Wallachians, and Hungarians from the frontier provinces all rallied around Lazar as never before, in a determination to drive the Turks out of Europe."

Murad responded to this effrontery on June 15, 1389, in Kosovo. There, a Serbian-majority coalition augmented by Hungarian, Polish, and Romanian contingents — twelve thousand men under the leadership of Lazar — fought thirty thousand Ottomans under the leadership of the sultan himself. Despite the initial downpour of Turkic arrows, the Serbian heavy cavalry plummeted through the Ottoman frontlines and broke the left wing; the Ottoman right, under Murad's elder son Bayezid, reeled around and engulfed the Christians. The chaotic clash continued for hours.

On the night before battle, Murad had beseeched Allah "for the favour of dying for the true faith, the martyr's death." Sometime near the end of battle, his prayer was granted. According to tradition, Miloš Obilic, a Serbian knight, offered to defect to the Ottomans on condition that, in view of his own high rank, he be permitted to submit before the sultan himself. They brought him before Murad and, after Miloš knelt in false submission, he lunged at and plunged a dagger deep into the Muslim warlord's stomach (other sources say "with two thrusts which came out at his back"). The sultan's otherwise slow guards responded by hacking the Serb to pieces. Drenched in and spluttering out blood, Murad lived long enough to see his archenemy, the by now captured Lazar, brought before him, tortured, and beheaded. A small conciliation, it may have put a smile on the dying martyr's face.

Murad's son Bayezid instantly took charge: "His first act as Sultan, over his father's dead body, was to order the death, by strangulation with a bowstring, of his brother. This was Yaqub, his fellow-commander in the battle, who had won distinction in the field and popularity with his troops." Next Bayezid brought the battle to a decisive end; he threw everything he had at the enemy, leading to the slaughter of every last Christian — but even more of his own men in the process.

So many birds flocked to and feasted on the vast field of carrion that posterity remembered Kosovo as the "Field of Blackbirds." Though essentially a draw — or at best a Pyrrhic victory for the Ottomans — the Serbs, with fewer men and resources to start with in comparison to the ascendant Muslim empire, felt the sting more.

In the years following the battle of Kosovo, the Ottoman war machine became unstoppable: the nations of the Balkans were conquered by the Muslims — after withstanding a millennium of jihads, Constantinople itself permanently fell to Islam in 1453 — and they remained under Ottoman rule for centuries.

The collective memory of Eastern Europeans' not too distant experiences with and under Islam should never be underestimated when considering why they are significantly more wary of — if not downright hostile to — Islam and its migrants compared to their Western liberal counterparts.

As Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán once explained:

We don't want to criticize France, Belgium, any other country, but we think all countries have a right to decide whether they want to have a large number of Muslims in their countries. If they want to live together with them, they can. We don't want to and I think we have a right to decide that we do not want a large number of Muslim people in our country. We do not like the consequences of having a large number of Muslim communities that we see in other countries, and I do not see any reason for anyone else to force us to create ways of living together in Hungary that we do not want to see[.] ... I have to say that when it comes to living together with Muslim communities, we are the only ones who have experience because we had the possibility to go through that experience for 150 years.

And those years — 1541 to 1699, when the Islamic Ottoman Empire occupied Hungary — are replete with the massacre, enslavement, and rape of Hungarians.

Note: The above account and its quotes were excerpted from the Raymond Ibrahim's recent book, Sword and Scimitar: Fourteen Centuries of War between Islam and the West.

Our guide in Africa warned us that he had just spotted a leopard.

I told him to quit clowning around, that leopards are spotted at birth.

Three hundred stitches later, I realized the magnitude of my error.

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Amazing Histories Behind Common Words

10. Hazard
Have you ever played a game of dice? Maybe bet a couple of dollars on a game of bunco or a family game of Yahtzee? Most of us know that little rush of adrenaline when you let go of the small cubes, hoping that they will roll in your favor. Usually, playing with dice isn’t dangerous—unless you’ve bet your entire fortune or have a sore loser in the family.
Nonetheless, “a game of dice” has long been one of the principal meanings of the word “hazard.” It was derived from the Old French word hasard, a word for all sorts of dice games. Hasard came from the Spanish azar (“an unfortunate throw of dice”).
Lexicographers are those who compile dictionaries, and they are responsible for cutting off the bloodlines of “hazard” with the Spanish. A theory that azaroriginated from the Arabic word az-zahr (“the die”) has been on the table. But since zahr doesn’t appear in any classic Arabic dictionaries, the rest of the history of “hazard” is unknown.
When the English came along, the word “hazard” suddenly meant that you were in immediate danger—and not being invited to a friendly game of dice.

9. Disaster
Today, there are few of us who blame the stars when something goes wrong. Instead of cursing at the sky, we drunkenly rant about our bosses or yell “Bad dog! Bad dog!” until we get the strength to clean up that pile of poop.
The old Italians probably also complained about the crap that they received from dogs and bosses, but they had one major excuse when things were going south: If you were born under certain stars, you were prone to bad luck and misfortune. From that belief came the word disastrato (“born under an ill star“).
So the next time it feels like everything is going wrong, you can do one of two things: Either blame the stars, or cheer yourself up by imagining an old Italian man screaming “Bad star! Bad star!” at the sky.

8. Robot
Do you ever overheat your computer or phone and feel really bad about it? So bad that you plug the charger in, give the device a few gentle strokes, and put it away in a quiet corner? We are working our machines as slaves—and really, why shouldn’t we? They don’t feel fatigue or hunger, and they can’t complain about lousy work conditions.
Maybe that’s what went through Karel Capek’s head in 1920 when he gave the name “robots” to the emotionless, mass-produced workers in his play Rossum’s Universal Robots. The Czech word robotnik means “slave,” as does the Old Slavicrobu and rabota.
Next time your computer dies, be sure to remind it that it serves you and not the other way around. Let’s just remember that when the robot uprising comes, we can all blame Karel Capek for their slavery.

7. Avocado
Some people like avocados when they’re turned into guacamole and used as a dip. Others see this fruit as God’s gift to mankind. They put it on their sandwiches, in their smoothies, basically anywhere that they can. However, for this green thing to make its way into our kitchen, it had to go through a variety of odd names.
The word “avocado” originates from the Nahuatlan word
ahuacatl, which was used interchangeably for describing the fruit and describing . . . well, testicles. To be honest, an avocado does sort of resemble a testicle. (Still feel like putting that in your smoothie?)
After being compared to a testicle for God knows how long, the word ahuacatlunderwent a series of misinterpretations. The Spanish changed ahuacatl to “aguacate,” which was then changed by the English to avogato in the 1600s.
“That sounds strangely similar to advocate,” you might think. Well, so did the rest of the 17th-century world, and suddenly, planet Earth was riddled by “advocate-pears.” And if that wasn’t enough, the Englishmen misinterpreted their own word. For a while, avocados were known as “alligator pears.”
So, what would you like to have in your salad today—a testicle, a lawyer, or a reptile?

6. Whiskey
Countless are those who have drowned their sorrows in a bottle of Scotch and those who have condemned the golden fluid. Did you know that whiskey is called “whiskey” in countries that have an “e” in their name, like Ireland, and “whisky” in countries without an “e,” such as Scotland?
Anyone who has been to Scotland or Ireland knows that the whiskey there flows almost like water. The Gaelic were well aware of this and named their favorite beverage uiscebeathadh (“water of life“). This was shortened to uisce (“water”). Try saying uisce out loud, and you’ll find that it sounds quite similar to our “whiskey.”
Maybe your liver would be happier if you drank some actual water. But if someone gets in your face about the “death in a bottle,” you have actual proof that the water of life is served on the rocks.

5. Pants
The mystery of the plural “pants” has fascinated us all at some point. Why more than one pant? What is a pant? Little did we know that the word actually has a fascinating background.
Some people already know that “pants” is an abbreviation of “pantaloons.” But as usual, we have to look further to find the true origin of the word. You see, the type of tight trousers that used to be called “pantaloons” were named after a famous character, much like celebrities get fashion items named after them today.
Pantaleone was his name, and this wasn’t any old trouser-wearing man. He was a well-known character in 16th-century Italian comedies. Due to his thin legs, he wore full-length tights instead of the popular knee breeches. From that came the origin of “pantaloons,” later shortened to “pants.”
But wait, there’s more! Pantaleone represented the stereotype of Venetians onstage, and he was named after a Venetian saint. The name “Pantaleone” is of ancient Greek origin, and as you might suspect, it has something to do with lions. Loosely translated, it mean “entirely lion,” which is an awesome origin for something we use to cover our legs.

4. Poison
It’s a gloomy afternoon. A weary guy in a leather jacket lets out a deep sigh as he sits down at an empty bar. Out of nowhere, an attractive woman leans forward and asks, “What’s your poison?”
“Whiskey,” he says. “Apparently, it’s the water of life.”
The woman gestures to a man cleaning glasses: “Two whiskeys please, on the rocks.”
In general, we do not drink poison. The word itself wakes up some primal instinct inside of us, shouting “Bad! Bad! Bad!” Considering those facts, the scenario above might seem stupid. But even if we ignore the obvious metaphor where “poison” means “drug,” we can make some sense out of it.
“Poison” is directly borrowed from the French, who rewrote the Latin wordpotionem. The Latin word first and foremost meant “a drink.” But it gathered more ominous meanings such as “magical potion” and “medicinal potion” before finally translating into “poisoned drink.”

3. Influenza
Most of us just call it “flu”—or simply curse over the blasted thing—but the full-length word “influenza” actually carries some history on its back. It was originally Italian, where it means “influence.”
The name refers to the cause of the disease rather than the illness itself, as the old Italians had the same explanation for illnesses as for disasters. They blamed both on unfortunate astrological constellations.
Later, as medical science evolved, the meaning of the word changed from “influence of the stars” to a general term for diseases with flu-like symptoms. The Englishmen borrowed it, and as time went by, it became the name of a specific, really annoying illness.
So the next time you have a clogged nose and sore throat, you can try blaming the stars or the Italians. Neither will make the flu go away, but it might lift your spirits a little.

2. Spirit
Speaking of spirits, is there anything worse than being forced to stand close to someone who has bad breath? Believe it or not, these two have a connection. By that, we mean that the words “spirit” and “breath” have common roots.
The English “spirit” comes from the Latin “spiritus,” which can mean “breath,” “breathing,” or “soul.” Regardless, the word is derived from spirare, which has “to breathe” as its lone translation (apart from “death”). We can even take it one step further: Spirare has its origins in an Indo-European word that means “to blow.”
So if you’re frowning at someone with bad breath and they ask what you’re staring at, just look disgusted and say, “You have a bad spirit.” It’s a perfect low-key insult. You might also gain some wizard points.

1. OK
“Okay” has one of the most complicated word origins to track down. Although there are dozens of theories, nobody’s sure which one is correct. Here are some of the best suggestions:
Omnis Korrecta—Latin for “all correct.” This was used by teachers who were grading papers long before the modern grading scales were devised.
Och Aye or O Qu’oui—Scottish and French, respectively, for “Ah, yes.” It seems that the Scots and the French do have something in common after all.
“Oll Korrect”—a common misspelling of “all correct” back in the 1800s. This is a terrific example of how even great men make mistakes. Two men famous for this popular theory are Andrew Jackson, the seventh US president, and John Jacob Astor, a wealthy businessman and the first of many great John Jacob Astors. The fourth one was immortalized when he went down with the Titanic.
“Old Kinderhook”—a form of local patriotism for a presidential candidate in the 1840s. Martin Van Buren decided to use his birthplace, Kinderhook, in his presidential campaign. This earned him the nickname “Old Kinderhook,” which was shortened to “OK.” His rivals had some fun with it, though. Soon, misinterpretations like “Out of Kash” and “Orful Kalamity” were making the rounds.
Hogfor—Old English for “seaworthy.” There are many suggestions far more believable than this one, but they’re not half as much fun. You see, this word was abbreviated to “HG,” which was snapped up by Norwegian and Danish sailors. With Nordic pronunciation, it sounds similar to “hah gay.” Now try saying that out loud a few times.

*.*

Pete: "The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I'd ever done came into my mind."

Bob: "Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from."

*.*

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move to make purchasing congressmen easier and faster for lobbyists, Congress voted to approve a new measure that calls for congressmen to wear barcodes on their foreheads so lobbyists, activists, and corporations can simply scan them and self-checkout.

Self-checkout machines will be installed at all exits of the Capitol Building, so once they've added congressmen to their cart, lobbyists can pay right on the way out.

Purchasing congressmen used to be a time-consuming, expensive process, said a Planned Parenthood representative. Now, we can simply walk through Congress, scan all the congressmen that are for sale, and checkout without having to interact with any humans.

We hate humans - like, a lot, the Planned Parenthood rep added.

One major military-industrial complex lobby group, Americans For Bigger Bombs, said they are also in support of the new move.

When you need to make a quick pit stop at our nation's legislative body to purchase a few congressmen to start a new war, you need to do it fast, said one AFBB lawyer. An attack on Iran can't wait while you wheel and deal, wine and dine, and negotiate endlessly. Now, I can just scan and go.

*.*

After the failure of our birth control method and my girlfriend's subsequent pregnancy, the absurdity of it all hit me:

Why do white people even try to use the rhythm method?

Quote of the Times;
The worst thing about taxes isn’t the fact that you lose money, it’s the fact that your money is used to fund a welfare state of people who hate you.

Link of the Times;
https://www.chaostrophic.com/anthony-hopkins-whats-the-meaning-of-life/

Issue of the Times;
Advice Columnist Tells Father to Evict Daughter from His House for Owning a Gun

Amy Dickinson is an advice columnist who, according to the company that syndicates her work, “combines storytelling with advice that is rooted with honesty and trust.” “Ask Amy” appears in newspapers that include The Baltimore Sun, The Chicago Tribune, The Lost Angeles Times, and The Washington Post. She is also billed as an “expert on relationships.”

Dickinson may be good at telling stories, but she is hardly honest, trustworthy, or expert in matters of firearms, which she nevertheless feels free to opine on, including in an article published this week that encourages an overwrought father to evict his adult daughter for owning a pistol.

A man identified only as “DUMBFOUNDED FATHER” (who we’ll refer to as “DUMB” for short) wrote Amy to breathlessly report:

This week I discovered that my intelligent, hard-working, responsible 24-year-old daughter (who lives with me) is a gun owner! And it’s not a normal gun either — it is a .40-caliber semi-automatic, and she has hollow point bullets to go with it.

DUMB believes the handgun to be “the kind of weapon a criminal would possess!” He dismisses his daughter’s choice to keep the gun “for emergencies,” arguing that there have been “only two” home invasions in their neighborhood during the last 11 years.

DUMB goes on to tell Amy that he has ordered his daughter to relinquish the gun or move out of his house in three weeks. He admits, “I love my daughter and would be so sad for her to move into a place that she would hardly be able to afford,” but insists, “I have to lock my bedroom door at night because I don’t know what she’s going to do.”

DUMB complains that his daughter now says he doesn’t trust her and will barely speak to him, “How,” he asks Amy, “can I convince her to stop endangering us?”

Needless to say, DUMB’s question embodies a number of false assumptions, as well as a remarkably condescending attitude toward women and firearms.

First, there is nothing “not … normal” about a .40 cal. semi-automatic handgun. Semi-automatic handguns are in fact the most popular category of firearm in America today.

The .40 caliber S&W cartridge, meanwhile, was developed specifically for law enforcement use, following the FBI’s determination in the mid-1980s to replace their standard-issue .38 special revolvers with semi-automatic pistols.

Pistols chambered in the round went on to become a popular choice with law enforcement agencies across the United States, with civilians adopting them in large numbers during the Clinton “assault weapon” ban in effect from 1994 to 2004, which also imposed limits on magazine capacity.

Putting aside the technicalities, however, there is no evidence that the round – which is somewhat more expensive than other common handgun rounds – is especially popular with criminals.

Moreover, DUMB provides no information that would justify his need to lock himself into his bedroom at night to protect himself from his daughter or her firearm. That seems like a gross overreaction to a daughter he says he loves possessing a lawful and constitutionally protected firearm for emergency use. Indeed, in the event such an emergency arises, DUMB’s daughter will likely be the one protecting him.

Finally, DUMB is so irrationally fearful and controlling that he threatens to evict his daughter in three weeks unless she gets rid of the firearm, including by giving it to him. Why he thinks he is any safer with it than her is not explained, especially given his evident unfamiliarity with handguns.

DUMB’s letter is so over-the-top, in fact, that it comes across more like a parody of a narrow-minded, irrational, gun-phobic control freak than a serious question from a concerned parent.

Amy, however, not only takes the letter at face value, she ups the ante with additional misinformation and emotionalism of her own.

The very first sentence of her reply states, “According to my research, possessing hollow point bullets is illegal in 11 states; is it legal in your state to own this sort of exploding ammunition?”

Actually, only one state – New Jersey – and one city – San Francisco – bans the possession of hollow point ammunition. Amy’s “research” is completely erroneous.

And, needless to say, hollow point bullets do not “explode.” Rather, they are designed to stay intact and expand upon impact, which actually protects the safety and property of bystanders by reducing the tendency of the round to penetrate through the intended target and hit something else.

If anything, Amy’s faulty statistic would still suggest an 78% probability that the ammunition DUMB’s daughter possesses is legal. But is Amy suggesting that DUMB should solve his “problem” by seeking to have his own daughter arrested?

Next, Amy cites additional “research” which she claims shows that since 1980, the number of guns has risen in America, while the percentage of households with a firearm has fallen, concentrating the guns into fewer homes. “Why,” she asks irrelevantly, “must your household be one of them?”

Amy then starts casting aspersions on the daughter. “Where did your daughter get this weapon and ammunition?” she asks. “Is she perhaps engaged in another activity outside of your household that exposes her to increased risks and makes her believe she needs to have a weapon?”

Rather than chide DUMB for overreacting to the common, presumptively lawful, and constitutionally protected conduct of his daughter, Amy tries to terrify him even further with a single, non-representative anecdote. “I have news for you,” she warns. “A locked bedroom door is no match for this weaponry; as I write this, just five days ago a father in South Carolina tragically shot and killed his own 23-year-old daughter through a closed door — when he mistook her for an intruder.”

Of course, family members have also been known to tragically back over each other with their cars.

But those highly unusual and infrequent events do not suggest an intelligent and responsible 24-year-old woman cannot handle a firearm (or automobile) safely.

Ultimately, Amy encourages DUMB to enforce his “ultimatum,’ adding, “I also weep that there is yet another (likely unsafe) gun owner in this country.”

Again, DUMB’s letter provides absolutely no reason to suggest his daughter is an unsafe gun owner. Like DUMB himself, Amy apparently just assumes that a young woman – even an intelligent and responsible one – is incompetent to handle a firearm.

For an “expert” on relationships, Amy also seems unusually quick to suggest a father throw a beloved daughter out of his home for taking the responsible, adult step of seeing to her own protection. Worse, she advocates this potentially life-altering course of action based on poor research, false assumptions, and faulty reasoning.

Indeed, the advice Amy gives to DUMB is startlingly at odds with the advice she typically gives to family members who disagree with their relatives’ lifestyle and choices; more often she counsels empathy and tolerance, rather than condemnation and alienation.

The irony here is that bad advice delivered by an incompetent researcher with no appreciation of her own ignorance or bias is the only real danger in this situation.

But we’re told DUMB’s daughter is intelligent, hardworking, responsible … and well-armed.

Something tells us she’ll do just fine on her own.

Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger?

She just couldn’t take it any longer.

*.*

A boy is waiting for the school bus and decides to push over the outhouse.

When he gets home his father is waiting for him, belt in hand. He says, "Son, did you push over the outhouse?"

The son replies, "Well, Dad, we learned about George Washington in school today and like him I cannot tell a lie. Yes, I pushed over the outhouse."

The father says, "You do realize you're going to be punished now, right?"

The son protests, "But Dad, when George Washington told the truth about cutting down the cherry tree, he didn't get punished!"

His father replies, "Well, George Washington's father wasn't IN the cherry tree."

*.*

I have a “dry clean only” sweater that is about to learn some harsh truths about living with me.

In France, a 102-year-old woman living in a retirement home is accused of murdering her 92-year-old neighbor. The big question-where were the parents?

The U.S. is seeing its biggest slump in tourism in four years. Well, if you don't include the ones that don't leave.

A study says smarter people listen mostly to instrumental music. Well, yeah. They don't have to waste any space in their brain remembering lyrics.

It has been 10,000 days since the Detroit Lions' last playoff win... .not that they're counting.

Two people were injured when a garbage truck crashed into Gloria Estefan's recording studio in Florida. And she was worried the rhythm was going to get her.

Officials are warning about a high fire danger this summer. They recommend trimming back high-growing grass, removing any loose debris near building, and seriously cutting back Sam Elliott's mustache.

Somehow, I just know it's all going to work out. Like an uncooked lobster on the Titanic... just gotta believe.

*.*

After hearing a shot, Hank ran next door and found his friend Tony crying.

"Say, what's wrong?" Hank asked.

Tony sobbed, "I had to shoot my dog."

Hank said, "My God! Was he mad?"

Tony replied, "Well, he wasn't exactly overjoyed."

*.*

How did the electrician lose all the power in his home?

He got married.

Quote of the Times;
For the price of the F-35, the USA could have built 79,000 F-16s, or 17x more than were ever built. If you don't understand why the USA is going to lose its next major war, look up the kill rate between German Panthers and US Shermans or between Tigers and T-34s. One F-35 might be better than one F-16, but it's not capable of taking on 200 at a time.

Link of the Times;
https://cosmosmagazine.com/physics/a-new-form-of-matter-scientists-create-the-first-supersolid

Issue of the Times;
When Normality Became Abnormal by Victor Davis

Donald Trump is many things. But one thing he is not is a defender of the 2009-2016 status quo and accepted progressive convention. Since 2017, everything has been in flux. Lots of past conventional assumptions of the Obama-Clinton-Romney-Bush generation were as unquestioned as they were suspect. No longer.

Everyone knew the Iran deal was a way for the mullahs to buy time and hoard their oil profits, to purchase or steal nuclear technology, to feign moderation, and to trade some hostages for millions in terrorist-seeding cash, and then in a few years spring an announcement that it had the bomb.

No one wished to say that. Trump did. He canceled the flawed deal without a second thought.

Iran is furious, but in a far weaker—and eroding—strategic position with no serious means of escaping devastating sanctions, general impoverishment, and social unrest. So a desperate Tehran knows that it must make some show of defiance. Yet it accepts that if it were to launch a missile at a U.S. ship, hijack an American boat, or shoot down an American plane, the ensuing tit-for-tat retaliation might target the point of Iranian origin (the port that launched the ship, the airbase from which the plane took off, the silo from which the missile was launched) rather than the mere point of contact—and signal a serial stand-off 10-1 disproportionate response to every Iranian attack without ever causing a Persian Gulf war.

Everyone realized the Paris Climate Accord was a way for elites to virtue signal their green bona fides while making no adjustments in their global managerial lifestyles—at best. At worst, it was a shake-down both to transfer assets from the industrialized West to the “developing world” and to dull Western competitiveness with ascending rivals like India and China. Not now. Trump withdrew from the agreement, met or exceeded the carbon emissions reductions of the deal anyway, and has never looked back at the flawed convention. The remaining signatories have little response to the U.S. departure, and none at all to de facto American compliance to their own targeted goals.

Rich NATO allies either could not or would not pay their promised defense commitments to the alliance. To embarrass them into doing so was seen as heretical. No more.

Trump jawboned and ranted about the asymmetries. And more nations are increasing rather than decreasing their defense budgets. The private consensus is that the NATO allies knew all along that they were exactly what Barack Obama once called “free riders” and justified that subsidization by ankle-biting the foreign policies of the United States—as if an uncouth America was lucky to underwrite such principled members. Again, no more fantasies.

China was fated to rule the world. Period. Whining about its systematic commercial cheating was supposedly merely delaying the inevitable or would have bad repercussions later on. Progressives knew the Communists put tens of thousands of people in camps, rounded up Muslims, and destroyed civil liberties, and yet in “woke” fashion tip-toed around criticizing the Other. Trump then destroyed the mirage of China as a Westernizing aspirant to the family of nations. In a protracted tariff struggle, there are lots of countries in Asia that could produce cheap goods as readily as China, but far fewer countries like the United States that have money to be siphoned off in mercantilist trade deals, or the technology to steal, or the preferred homes and universities in which to invest.

The Palestinians were canonized as permanent refugees. The U.S. embassy could never safely move to the Israeli capital in Jerusalem. The Golan Heights were Syrian. Only a two-state solution requiring Israel to give back all the strategic border land it inherited when its defeated enemies sought to destroy it in five prior losing wars would bring peace. Not now.

The Palestinians for the last 50 years were always about as much refugees as the East Prussian Germans or the Egyptian Jews and Greeks that were cleansed from their ancestral homelands in the Middle East in the same period of turbulence as the birth of Israel. “Occupied” land more likely conjures up Tibet and Cyprus not the West Bank, and persecuted Muslims are not found in Israel, but in China.

Suddenly Redeemable

An aging population, the veritable end to U.S. manufacturing and heavy industry, and an opioid epidemic meant that America needed to get used to stagnant 1 percent growth, a declining standard of living, a permanent large pool of the unemployed, an annual increasing labor non-participation rate, and a lasting rust belt of deplorables, irredeemables, clingers and “crazies” who needed to be analyzed by Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. At best, a middle-aged deplorable was supposed to learn to code or relocate to the Texas fracking fields. Perhaps not now.

In the last 30 months, the question of the Rust Belt has been reframed to why, with a great workforce, cheap energy, good administrative talent, and a business-friendly administration, cannot the United States make more of what it needs? Why, if trade deficits are irrelevant, do Germany, China, Japan, and Mexico find them so unpleasant? If unfettered trade is so essential, why do so many of our enemies and friends insist that we almost alone trade “fairly,” while they trade freely and unfairly? Why do not Germany and China argue that their vast global account surpluses are largely irrelevant?

Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) assured us that the world would be suffocating under greenhouse gases within 12 years. Doom-and-gloom prophecies of “peak” oil warned us that our oil reserves would dry up by the early 21st century. Former Vice President Al Gore warned us that our port cities would soon be underwater. Economists claimed Saudi Arabia or Russia would one day control the world by opening and closing their oil spigots. Not now.

Three million more barrels of American oil are being produced per day just since Trump took office. New pipelines will ensure that the United States is not just the world’s greatest producer of natural gas but perhaps its largest exporter as well.

Trump blew up those prognostications and replaced them with an optimistic agenda that the working- and middle classes deserve affordable energy, that the United States could produce fossil fuels more cleanly, wisely, and efficiently than the Middle East, and that ensuring increased energy could revive places in the United States that were supposedly fossilized and irrelevant. Normal is utilizing to the fullest extent a resource that can discourage military adventurism in the Middle East, provide jobs to the unemployed, and reduce the cost of living for the middle class; abnormal is listening to the progressive elite for whom spiking gasoline and power bills were a very minor nuisance.

Changing Roles

Open borders were our unspoken future. The best of the Chamber of Commerce Republicans felt that millions of illegal aliens might eventually break faith with the progressive party of entitlements; the worst of the open borders lot argued that cheap labor was more important than sovereignty and certainly more in their interests than any worry over the poor working classes of their own country. And so Republicans for the last 40 years joined progressives in ensuring that illegal immigration was mostly not measured, meritocratic, diverse, or lawful, but instead a means to serve a number of political agendas.

Most Americans demurred, but kept silent given the barrage of “racist,” “xenophobe,” and “nativist” cries that met any measured objection. Not so much now. Few any longer claim that the southern border is not being overrun, much less that allowing a non-diverse million illegal aliens in six months to flood into the United States without audit is proof that “diversity is our strength.”

The Republican Party’s prior role was to slow down the inevitable trajectory to European socialism, the end of American exceptionalism, and homogenized globalized culture. Losing nobly in national elections was one way of keeping one’s dignity, weepy wounded-fawn style, while the progressive historical arc kept bending to our collective future. Rolling one’s eyes on Sunday talk shows as a progressive outlined the next unhinged agenda was proof of tough resistance.

Like it or not, now lines are drawn. Trump so unhinged the Left that it finally tore off its occasional veneer of moderation, and showed us what progressives had in store for America.

On one side in 2020 is socialism, “Medicare for All,” wealth taxes, top income tax rates of 70 or 80 or 90 percent, a desire for a Supreme Court full of “wise Latinas” like Sonia Sotomayor, insidious curtailment of the First and Second Amendments, open borders, blanket amnesties, reparations, judges as progressive legislators, permissible infanticide, abolition of student debt, elimination of the Immigration and Customs Enforcement bureau and the Electoral College, voting rights for 16-year-olds and felons, and free college tuition.

On the other side is free-market capitalism but within a framework of fair rather than unfettered international trade, a smaller administrative state, less taxation and regulation, constitutionalist judges, more gas and oil, record low unemployment, 3-4 percent economic growth, and pressure on colleges to honor the Bill of Rights.

The New, New Normal

The choices are at least starker now. The strategy is not, as in 2008 and 2012, to offer a moderate slow-down of progressivism, but rather a complete repudiation of it.

One way is to see this as a collision between Trump, the proverbial bull, and the administrative state as a targeted precious china shop—with all the inevitable nihilistic mix-up of horns, hooves, and flying porcelain shards. But quite another is to conclude that what we recently used to think was abjectly abnormal twenty years ago had become not just “normal,” but so orthodoxly normal that even suggesting it was not was judged to be heretical and deserving of censure and worse.

The current normal correctives were denounced as abnormal—as if living in a sovereign state with secure borders, assuming that the law was enforced equally among all Americans, demanding that citizenship was something more than mere residence, and remembering that successful Americans, not their government, built their own businesses and lives is now somehow aberrant or perverse.

Trump’s political problem, then, may be that the accelerating aberration of 2009-2016 was of such magnitude that normalcy is now seen as sacrilege.

Weaponizing the IRS, unleashing the FBI to spy on political enemies and to plot the removal of an elected president, politicizing the CIA to help to warp U.S. politics, allying the Justice Department with the Democratic National Committee, and reducing FISA courts to rubber stamps for pursuing administration enemies became the new normal. Calling all that a near coup was abnormal.

Let us hope that most Americans still prefer the abnormal remedy to the normal pathology.