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Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, landed a real job at a Silicon Valley life coaching firm as the new Chief Impact Officer.

Going from doing fuvk all, to doing fuvk all shouldn't be too much of a stretch.


"Mom, what's dark humor?"

"Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand"

"But mom I'm blind..."



An old woman accidentally drops her fake teeth at the park while walking her dog.

She can’t find the teeth anywhere in the tall grass. A man spots her bending over and asks what she lost. “I dropped my false teeth somewhere around here.”

“Oh,” the man says, “that’s no big deal. Here, try this pair on.”

He hands her a set of teeth that are too big for her mouth. He hands her a second set of teeth that are too small. Finally, the third set fits just right.

“Thank you so much,” the old woman says. “Do you have a business card? I’ve been looking for a good dentist for some time.”

“Oh, I’m not a dentist,” the man replies. “I’m an undertaker.”


Roman authorities are investigating controversial religious leader Jesus of Nazareth for violating the Empire's clear "stay in tomb" order. After crucifying him and laying him in the tomb, Roman guards put Him under strict orders to stay there and not come back, rising victorious over sin and death.

But Jesus, answering to a higher authority, refused to stay dead and busted out of the tomb, establishing a kingdom that would never end -- again, in clear violation of the government's orders.

"Jesus is a dangerous rebel, refusing to bend the knee to Caesar and not abiding by the law of sin and death," said one Roman official. "He clearly broke the law by leaving the tomb, and we're going to be issuing a citation and placing him under mandatory quarantine for these crimes."

After coming into contact with many large groups over the course of approximately 40 days, Jesus ascended into heaven and is currently thought to be reigning on high.

Authorities are also investigating Him for planning to gather with a large multitude of every tribe, tongue, and nation. He says he currently has no plans to obey any earthly king on the matter, pressing ahead with the gathering of those who believe He died and rose again and trust Him alone for their salvation.


Netflix writers have so many different shows to deal with…

They obviously have trouble keeping all their characters straight.

Quote of the Times;
The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools. – Thucydides

Link of the Times;

Issue of the Times;
The Real Climate Crisis: A New Ice Age from the Accumulation of Snowflakes by Andrew I. Fillat and Henry I. Miller

Crisis, yes. Climate, no. The problem is the accumulation of snowflakes, by which we mean the growing number of younger adults who have come of age believing they have a right to never be offended. It makes no difference to them whether the offender had any malicious intent, knew they existed, or had a legitimate reason to use the offensive language or take the objectionable action. In fact, these snowflakes often seem to go searching for reasons to be offended because victimhood has become fashionable (and indeed, advantageous).

We have no scientific explanation for how the gene pool mutated to produce skin of such exquisite thinness in these generations. Perhaps they inherited some of it from their parents, many of whom were themselves introduced to the joys of victimhood over the last few decades. But the most important causes of this trend are social media and the rampant narcissism it provokes. The snowflakes feel compelled to expose as much of their lives and persona as possible to establish and maintain relationships and a public image, but in the process they create an indelible record that can be scoured for the minutest of offenses. Sadly (for them), this makes them vulnerable if they leave behind something objectionable in a moment of thoughtlessness or rebellion. While some snowflakes are oblivious, others grow perpetually fearful of exposure.

The association is seldom made, but we believe it is the appearance of snowflakes that gave rise to the “cancel culture.” When a person is acclimated to feel outrage or anger from any expression even slightly uncomfortable, disagreeable, or demeaning—regardless of the intended target—those feelings are then typically directed at the source, regardless of how remote he or she may be. Add to that the lynch-mob tendencies of many on social media, and the result is neverending, bloodthirsty, vigilante justice that can be as draconian as destroying a target’s livelihood.

We are in a conceptual ice age where actions and speech are too often frozen by the fear of being canceled. Older people at least have the advantage of not having comprehensively documented the inevitable offenses of their lifetimes. Have many of us ever made disparaging remarks or repeated jokes about blacks, Hispanics, Brits, blondes, Irish, Italians, Jews, Catholics, WASPs, Native Americans, et al.?

Of course, but most often those remarks have no deeper implications or consequences whatsoever. Should we expect, over many decades of adult life, absolute purity of thought, the complete absence of irrational hostility toward anybody, ever, and the innate ability to understand the life experiences of people of every color, gender, and ethnicity? Sadly, it seems that the snowflake generations apply that impossible standard to others willy-nilly, even while it is highly improbable that they themselves comply.

Real life provides constant examples of the excruciating punishment meted out to offenders who fail to meet the standard, even if they are complete strangers whose life experience is unknown. Television shows offer it in living color.

Most recently, this could be seen on “The Bachelor.” The primary character seeking love, Matt (a mixed-race black bachelor), saw his relationship with his chosen mate, Rachel (a white woman) disintegrate because viewers unearthed pictures of her with friends at an “antebellum”-themed party three years earlier. What followed was a soap opera-esque succession of apologies, on-air angst, and a host suspended for the sin of asking for a measure of forgiveness for Rachel. The denouement featured a cloying, tearful discussion of how any hint of racial insensitivity was incompatible with a sincere, empathetic, intersectional relationship.

But does that imply a societal obligation for everybody to fully understand a priori the experiences of persons who differ from them? Isn’t dealing with differences a part of growing in any relationship? Do we expect everyone to appreciate what it is like being Asian? Or transgender? Or to have had ancestors who experienced the Trail of Tears? Or whatever?

This is not to deny the value of empathy for any identity-associated challenges, but rather to say that expecting extensively shared experience to be the basis of every intersectional relationship is wholly unrealistic. Other common interests and goals must drive them. And the ability to identify with every identity group is not necessary in order to treat people as individuals without regard to identity and with a focus instead on character, merit, and achievements—a threat to tribalism that progressives seem to find objectionable.

Most, if not all of us have some history of actions or comments that in 20/20 hindsight are regrettable. How futile is life if nothing can be forgotten or forgiven? It is simply impossible for us to frame every action or expression with perfect foresight of its future interpretation or context. Thankfully, only a very few of us will experience repercussions from imperfect foresight by being humiliated on national television. But on “national” social media? Many, many more surely suffer.

The current rampant obsession with identity has opened up a vast new universe of potential “serious” offenses that can force us to walk on eggshells. It has upended standards that have underpinned this country since its founding, and even the messages of renowned proponents of minority and civil rights such as the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., thereby turning eggshells into land mines. Less well understood is how this intolerance of imperfection has spawned the cancel culture by extending the reach of perceived offense and ensuing retribution far beyond an individual’s immediate circle of relationships. Snowflakes well trained in victimhood and oversensitivity will only continue to make this worse.

There should be a Nobel Prize in Medicine to whoever can devise an elixir for growing thicker skin that can be administered before school age.

News of the Times;
I just had a near sex experience.

My wife flashed before my eyes.


Wife: Are you just going to walk around all day without a shirt on?

Me: Just giving you a show.

Wife: Can I change the channel?


I walked into the house and said, "I'm having myself a "fuck off" whisky."

As she watched me pouring, my wife said, "That's an extremely large whisky! You do know that alcohol is bad for you, don't you? Anyway, why do you call it that?"

"Fuck off," I replied.


I was planning my wife's funeral after her horrific car crash when she walked in and asked what I was doing.

"Oh nothing love, just some paperwork for next week," I replied.


My wife says and does the nicest things.

Just this morning she said, "I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

Quote of the Times;
Do you REALLY have free speech if you're terrified to use it?

Link of the Times;

Issue of the Times;
Donald Trump and Joe Biden’s Easter Messages Reveal Everything You Need to Know About the Presidents by Kyle Becker

Donald Trump and Joe Biden gave messages to Americans on Easter, the Christian religious holiday that celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

The 45th President of the United States gave the salutation “Happy Easter” and then decried that he lost the U.S. election.

“Happy Easter to ALL, including the Radical Left CRAZIES who rigged our Presidential Election, and want to destroy our Country,” Trump wrote.

This follows on Trump blasting the companies criticizing Georgia’s election integrity laws in a statement he delivered on Saturday.

“For years the Radical Left Democrats have played dirty by boycotting products when anything from that company is done or stated in any way that offends them. Now they are going big time with WOKE CANCEL CULTURE and our sacred elections,” Trump said. “It is finally time for Republicans and Conservatives to fight back—we have more people than they do—by far! Boycott Major League Baseball, Coca-Cola, Delta Airlines, JPMorgan Chase, ViacomCBS, Citigroup, Cisco, UPS, and Merck. Don’t go back to their products until they relent. We can play the game better than them.”

Joe Biden, on the other hand, delivered an Easter Message that preached about the coronavirus, mentioning it 7 times, but failed to mention Jesus Christ even once.

“We share the sentiments of Pope Francis who said that getting vaccinated is a moral obligation, one that can save your life and the lives of others,” Biden said. “By getting vaccinated and encouraging your congregations and your communities to get vaccinated, we not only can beat this virus, we can also haste the day when we can celebrate the holidays together.”

The coronavirus pandemic is gradually dissipating in terms of daily deaths due to the combination of herd immunity and vaccinations. The CDC recently clarified that vaccinated people do not spread COVID-19, which conflicts with its insistence that people should wear masks and social distance even after being vaccinated.

President Trump is currently blocked by most social media platforms from issuing a fuller statement to the American People on Easter Sunday. When he was allowed to deliver video messages on social media, he went into the meaning of the religious holidays of Passover and Easter, such as in 2018.

“During the sacred holiday of Passover, Jewish families around the world give thanks to God for liberating the Jewish people from bondage in Egypt and delivering them to the promised land of Israel,” Trump said.

“For Christians, we remember the suffering and death of God’s only son and his glorious resurrection on the third day. On Easter Sunday, we proclaim with joy, ‘Christ is risen.'”

“In America, we look to the light of God to guide our steps, we trust in the power of the Almighty for wisdom and strength, and we praise our heavenly Father for the blessings of freedom and the gift of eternal life.”

That is quite the remarkable contrast with what Americans saw from President Biden today.

News of the Times;
Okay, it’s over, it’s done.

No more jokes about that ship stuck in the Suez Canal.

That ship has sailed.


The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies."

I said, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids”


Upon hearing that San Diego teachers were providing instruction to migrant children but not American citizens, many clever parents began disguising their kids as illegal immigrants in hopes that their kids could finally see the inside of a classroom.

"OK, Aiden, remember - if they ask you what your name is, just say, 'No hablo ingles,'" said one parent as she dropped her kid off near the Mexican border in Chula Vista. "And don't pick at your fake mustache; it'll fall off. Don't forget your poncho!"

"I packed you a burrito and some quesadillas for lunch! Love you!"

After waving goodbye to the kids, the parents peeled out in their minivans as they experienced their first taste of freedom in over a year-- the kids happily being taught by teachers as the moms went out and got mimosas for brunch.

Unfortunately, the kids do have to sleep in cages with foil blankets now, but the parents say it's a sacrifice well worth making.


The Times:

Researchers have found a 14,000-year-old piece of flatbread in Jordan. How do they know it was 14,000-years-old? It had a pull date of 12,000 B.C.

Beware the person who says they're on your side. So is appendicitis.

As of last year, plastic straws are now illegal in Seattle. If you live there, it's now impossible to break a camel's back.

South Korea has officially cut its workweek from 68 to 52 hours. Slackers.

A new study has linked coffee to a longer life. Or maybe, waiting in all those lines at Starbucks just makes it seem longer.

Johnny Depp says that his spending problems are actually worse than reported. Then he stuttered, "Oh, wait. No, I meant my movies."

A report says coca production in Colombia is at a record high. Not surprising, so are their customers.

A New Jersey town is changing its streets design to make it safer for people who are walking and texting. I believe the town's name is Coddle and it's located in Enabling County.

Planters’ Cheez Balls are coming back, 12 years after disappearing from the shelves. Or, maybe they just found a few cases in the back room. Either way, they’re back.

Puerto Rico is introducing a bill seeking statehood by 2022. The person in charge of arranging the stars on our flag yelled out, “Noooooo!!!!!”


Reasons to Go to Work Nude

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.

Quote of the Times;
Governments, if they endure, always tend increasingly toward aristocratic forms. No government in history has been known to evade this pattern. And as the aristocracy develops, government tends more and more to act exclusively in the interests of the ruling class - whether that class be hereditary royalty, oligarchs of financial empires, or entrenched bureaucracy. - Herbert

Link of the Times;

Issue of the Times;
Nobody believes China by Stephen L. Miller

Except the World Health Organization and the US media

The World Health Organization now says the virus ‘most likely came from animals.’ But everybody knows that the WHO is heavily influenced by China, and China is not a reliable source. Everybody, that is, except large and important sections of the US media.

Before the WHO’s latest report, Feng Zijian, the deputy director of China’s Center for Disease Control and Prevention, claimed the virus spread after a bat infected a human — or the virus initially went from bat to another animal or mammal species, which then jumped to humans or that shipments of frozen food from Europe or even the United States spread the virus throughout the province of Wuhan. It’s always the West’s fault, the way Beijing tells it.

The other possibility is the one that China, their allies in the WHO and even in the American media are quickest to denounce — that the virus leaked from the Wuhan Institute of Virology. This is called a conspiracy theory. But the former CDC director, Robert Redfield told 60 Minutes this weekend that the scenario of a lab leak is the one he believes. Members of the intelligence community including US senators and the former secretary of state have stated the same. CBS News and the New York Times were quick to denounce Redfield this weekend. He worked for the Trump administration and therefore his expertise is not credible.

China itself, capitalizing on the murders in Atlanta and the media narratives that have sprung up from it, has gone as far as to even suggest the lab leak theory is racist. Indeed, any acknowledgement of China’s role in kickstarting this global pandemic is hateful and therefore problematic — or is it problematic and therefore hateful?

But State Department cables released last year warned of safety issues at the Wuhan Institute, based on reports of lax safety guidelines. This is not about racism. But it’s strange that the American media and China seem so eager to work together to say that it is.

Earlier this year, as also reported on 60 Minutes, a team of WHO investigators were allowed into China to investigate the origins of the virus but were under strict monitoring by the Chinese government, they were not allowed into the institute (and were only allowed to interview staff who were guaranteed to have been coached prior).

The WHO allowed China to dictate the terms of the investigation; who was allowed in, and what the final finding would state. It was China who ruled out a lab accident and no one else, and anyone repeating this talking point in the media or anyone at the WHO who fails to note that fact is, quite simply, doing China’s bidding.

According to 60 Minutes, China had veto power over which experts were allowed into Wuhan, which the WHO agreed to. The WHO even ceded investigative authority over to the Chinese government and then simply just shared the findings of China’s own report. Putting it bluntly, the WHO report stinks. It was not a real fact-finding investigation and the results should be taken with the utmost skepticism by the public and by the American media.

One of the first things Joe Biden did as President was rejoin the WHO, which was greeted with much media cheering. As part of the organization, America could have much more influence than it did under Trump’s ‘isolationist’ approach. But the latest WHO ‘findings’ only underscore the point that it cannot present the evidence fairly. The media’s role is more mysterious. Why are so many pundits so quick to debunk the opinions of intelligence agencies and health officials? Is it just because such talk sounds a bit Trumpy? There is a large amount of circumstantial evidence regarding the lab theory and to dismiss it out of hand seems a lot like confirmation bias.

At worst, it suggests that media outlets with millions invested into the Chinese media market do not want to jeopardize their bottom lines with even the mere suggestion that China’s COVID conclusions simply do not add up. Beijing has not acted like a government that is interested in transparency.

If it were, why would it have blocked a proper independent investigation? That’s something Candidate Biden insisted he would demand, but President Biden seems to have forgotten all about. It must be that dementia we keep hearing about.

News of the Times;
How do Welsh farmers count their sheep?

"305, 306, 307, hello darling, 309, 310..."


For Sale:

Dead Bird.

Won't go cheap.


The Navy stands on the shoulders of great traditions, none greater than the ability to thrust its very essence into the hearts of the nation’s enemies, which may include (but is not limited to) other boats, docks, beaches, and, you know, stuff on the water.

For one, it just sounds cool when a ships’ captain calls for the crew to "Prepare to ram!" Think of how many movie scenes have benefited in the past a from such moments. By bringing that order back, every future Navy film will be that much more incredible.

Like the future movie about the inevitable clashes with the US and China in the South China Sea. There could be at least two, maybe even three ramming opportunities there.

Or the whole thing with Iran. They use those tiny little boats. Bumper cars will have nothing on an aircraft carrier that just goes all “YOLO!” over those little Iranian speed bumps.

The possibilities are endless. The military options are also practically infinite.

Anything good enough for von Tegetthoff at Lissa in 1866 is good enough for the Navy today. Which is why the Navy needs to bring back “ramming speed.”


Top 5 Worst Names for a Celebrity Fragrance:

1. "Was that the dog?"
2. "Unscented"
3. "Hayfever"
4. "Bean Dip"
5. "Incontinence"


ME: Honey, it's really muggy out today.

WIFE: If I go outside and all our mugs are on the front lawn, I'm leaving you.

ME: *Sips coffee from bowl.*

Quote of the Times;
If the shooter is a white supremacist, the event is an indictment of all white people and America. If the shooter is an Islamist, it is a completely individual act that has nothing to do with ideology. – Harsanyi

Link of the Times;

Issue of the Times;
Tripoli Pirates Foiled by Anthony Brandt

Among the many words we might use to describe Thomas Jefferson, bellicose is not the first that springs to mind. Eloquent, enlightened, statesmanlike, sometimes wise, often enigmatic, yes, but not bellicose. During the American Revolution, as governor of Virginia, he was famously ineffective at raising troops and defending the state. In 1798, as vice president under John Adams, he opposed the Quasi-War with France, which came to blows in the Caribbean when French and American frigates fought two separate battles stemming from a dispute over American neutrality in the conflict between France and England. In the 1790s Jefferson and the Republican Party he headed opposed the arming of America that the Federalists, led by Alexander Hamilton, strongly favored.

However, when it came to the four so-called Barbary states of North Africa—Tunis, Algiers, Morocco and Tripoli—Jefferson was bellicose indeed. He had wanted to wage war against the quartet of city-states since 1785, and when he became president in 1801 he went into action against them without asking the permission of Congress. This first of two Barbary wars created the first military heroes of the new United States of America and went a long way toward giving Americans a sense of national identity as a people with a role to play in the world.

The Barbary states, nominally subject to the Ottoman Empire, were essentially free to do as they wished, so long as they paid their annual tributes to the rulers in Istanbul. The states lived on piracy; for centuries they had been preying on European shipping in the Mediterranean and outside the Strait of Gibraltar in the eastern Atlantic, and they had seized the ships of American colonists as early as the 1640s.

In 1662 England had been the first to make a deal with the pirates, believing it would prove cheaper in the long run to make annual payments to the Barbary rulers than to wage war upon them. Most other European powers followed suit. What resulted was an inherently corrupt system, little more than bribery legalized by treaty. But cold economic calculation—the costs of marine insurance; the actual loss of ships, crews and goods; and the pirates’ demands for ransom in exchange for white Christian captives—tipped the balance in favor of simply paying them off.

The system was subject to continual slippage, as the Barbary rulers thought of treaties not as inviolable contracts between states but as pawns in a game. If they thought they could get a better deal, they swept them from the board. Their sense of honor did not extend to Christians. Jefferson— minister plenipotentiary to the French court, sent to negotiate trade agreements with France and other European powers— discovered this during a March 1785 meeting in London with John Adams, then representing the United States at the Court of St. James, and Tripoli’s ambassador at large, who had recently declared war on the United States. Preparing to negotiate the usual treaty to set the rate of the annual tribute, the two Americans asked the ambassador about the “grounds of their pretensions to make war upon nations who had done them no injury?”

The ambassador answered that it was “written in their Koran that all nations which had not acknowledged the prophet [Muhammad] were sinners, whom it was the right and duty of the faithful to plunder and enslave.”

Jefferson would hear from one of those slaves, Richard O’Brien, master of the Philadelphia merchantman Dauphin, taken in July 1785 by Algerine pirates off the coast of Portugal. O’Brien wrote Jefferson the following month, begging his intervention with Congress for “our speedy redemption.” Algerine pirates had also seized the Boston schooner Maria, en route to Spain. Between the two ships, 21 American sailors had been enslaved by the dey of Algiers, whom O’Brien called the “King of Cruelties.” (As the Algerines seized more ships over the next decade, the number of enslaved American sailors would reach 122.) The pirates, wrote O’Brien, had stripped the captives of their clothes and provided them “nothing to exist on but two small cakes of bread per day, without any other necessary of life.” The shipmaster was certain he and his men would starve.

They did not, but over the next five years six of them died of plague. The men lived in terrible conditions and were tortured for infractions and attempted escape, and the dey assigned them as laborers or rowers on his galleys. O’Brien himself lived under the protection of a European consul, which was customary for high-status captives, and became the spokesman for the entire group, writing often to Jefferson, George Washington and members of Congress.

O’Brien’s efforts were almost entirely in vain. The dey demanded vast ransoms for his captives, refused even to open foreign diplomatic appeals not accompanied by lavish gifts and constantly complained of his need for more slaves. Not until 1795, during Washington’s second term, did America finally buy back the surviving sailors of Dauphin and Maria, and the ransom, plus the price of a treaty, cost the government close to $1 million. The cost of annual tributes to the Barbary states, after Congress finally negotiated treaties with them in the 1790s, ran to 10 percent of the entire U.S. budget.

From the beginning Jefferson found such negotiations with the pirate states dishonorable and humiliating. He preferred war. In August 1785, the month he received O’Brien’s first letter, he wrote old friend John Page, “If we wish our commerce to be free and uninsulted, we must let these nations see that we have an energy which at present they disbelieve.” A year later he wrote Adams in London, “I very early thought it would be best to effect a peace thro’ the medium of war,” repeating the same sentiment more forcefully to James Monroe: “The [Barbary] states must see the rod.”

But in 1785 and 1786 there was simply no way to put such a policy into effect. The United States was the weakest of nations, still living under the Articles of Confederation with no executive branch and no judiciary, governed only by a Congress that had no power to levy taxes, did not have or want a navy and sometimes could not raise a quorum for months on end. John Adams opposed the whole idea of going to war with Algiers and kept silent when Jefferson tried to put together a consortium of countries to attack the Barbary pirates and put an end to the tribute system once and for all. England refused to participate; it was not in London’s interest to rid the Mediterranean of pirates only to see it opened to American merchants and seamen. The French, the Spanish and the Dutch were also content with their deals with the Barbary states. Jefferson’s diplomatic initiative thus came to nothing; the United States, once it had a Constitution and an operating government, fell in line and paid up like the rest.

Such was the situation Jefferson faced when he took office in March 1801. It was an embarrassing situation for him. He had won the election of 1800 promising to cut costs, waste and personnel throughout the federal government, but especially in the Navy. Jefferson believed the latter an unnecessary expense, as he saw America’s destiny in westward expansion and agriculture, not in shipping and commerce. By 1801 the nation did have a fledgling Navy of some 49 ships—most converted merchant vessels, though there were also six frigates built specifically as warships. (Adams had ordered the frigates during his presidency, to stand up to the French in the 1798–1800 Quasi-War.) Jefferson sold most of the merchant vessels, keeping his pledge to reduce taxes, and ordered all but six of the warships laid up “in ordinary”—stripped bare of rigging, stores and anything else movable.

But Jefferson also believed strongly in waging war on the Barbary pirates. Nine days after his inauguration he heard from the U.S. consul in Tripoli, James Cathcart—one of the men enslaved by the Algerines in 1785—that the Tripolitans wanted a better deal. Jefferson would have no part of it, and in June 1801 he sent a Norfolk-based squadron of four U.S. Navy ships, including President, one of the six frigates built for the Quasi-War, to the Mediterranean to protect American shipping and, if necessary, to engage Tripolitan ships. Necessary it became, as Tripoli cut down the flagstaff at the American consulate, nullified its treaty with the United States and declared war.

The conflict’s first battle occurred on August 1, when the American schooner Enterprise, under Lieutenant Andrew Sterrett, encountered a 14-gun Tripolitan corsair and in a three-hour battle killed dozens of its crew with no American casualties. Sterrett cut away the enemy ship’s masts, threw its guns overboard and let the survivors limp back to Tripoli under a jury rig. Tripoli’s enraged Bashaw Yusuf Karamanli had his defeated commander beaten, then paraded through the city seated backward on a donkey, the entrails of a sheep draped around his neck.

In January 1802 a relief squadron under Richard Valentine Morris sailed to replace the first squadron, which returned to the United States for repairs. Morris based the squadron in Malta, seldom left port and showed little interest in blockading Tripoli. In fact, setting up a blockade of the city presented some difficult problems. The coast outside the city was uncharted and littered with shoals, the entrance to its harbor narrow and difficult to navigate. Tripolitan warships were small, swift and of shallow draft and could slip into and out of the harbor and along the coastline, where the bigger, deeper-draft U.S. frigates could not follow. In winter the Mediterranean storms and accompanying powerful northerlies threatened to drive the American warships ashore. Given the situation and Morris’ do-nothing attitude, this too was a kind of quasiwar, and it lasted until September 1803, when Morris’ superiors recalled him and threw him out of the Navy for his utter lack of initiative. The United States, meanwhile, was not exactly impressing Europe or the Barbary powers with its military prowess or resolve.

That changed under the next commander, Commodore Edward Preble, a tough, sea-hardened captain famous for his temper and disciplinary rigor. In July 1803 he left for the Mediterranean in command of another of the original six frigates, Constitution, which had been refitted for the occasion. His first act was to show up off Tangier; the Moroccans had shown signs they, too, hoped to make a better deal with the Americans, abrogating a 1786 treaty and taking the American brig Celia, only to be run down by the frigate Philadelphia. The appearance of a 44-gun U.S. warship off Tangier rapidly dissipated the incipient crisis. Preble then sent Philadelphia to blockade Tripoli harbor much more closely than Morris had ever bothered to do.

Commanding Philadelphia was Captain William Bainbridge, like Preble a tough disciplinarian and an aggressive, accomplished seaman. But luck wasn’t with Bainbridge. His first act on arriving in Tripoli was to chase down a Tripolitan sail heading toward the harbor. Wary of the shoals, he put men in the bow to cast the lead, and they reported depths of between 7 and 10 fathoms; Philadelphia drew something under 3 fathoms, so Bainbridge must have thought it safe to continue the pursuit. It was not. The ship ran hard aground, and all efforts to free it, including casting the ship’s guns and anchors overboard to lighten it, failed. Tripolitan gunboats attacked as soon as they realized Philadelphia’s predicament. After four hours Bainbridge struck his colors, and Karamanli added the frigate to his collection of warships, plus 307 American slaves.

Tripolitan sailors managed to float Philadelphia free, and divers retrieved the anchors and most of the cannon. Philadelphia’s captured officers were housed in the former U.S. consul building, but its sailors were jammed into quarters fit only for rats, tortured for even minor infractions and forced to labor on public works projects.

The First Barbary War might have ended there had it not taken months to get news to the United States and for fresh orders to reach U.S. commanders in the Mediterranean. America had ransomed sailors before, paying for peace. The ransom this time would be extremely high, but the cost of warships was also extremely high. In any event, Jefferson reacted strongly to the news and would not sue for peace. He wanted reinforcements sent abroad. Just as eager to see the war through, Congress promptly gave him what he asked. The American public, unwilling to be pushed around by “infidels and barbarians,” was also eager to carry on the fight. Newspapers, particularly those that supported Jefferson, called for war.

In the absence of orders from home, Preble did the right thing. He sailed to Tripoli, seized a Tripolitan ketch carrying African slaves to Constantinople and took it back to his base on Malta. At the suggestion of one of his junior officers he conceived a plan to use the merchantman to slip into Tripoli harbor late at night, board Philadelphia and destroy her. To command the raid he chose 25-year-old Lieutenant Stephen Decatur Jr. It would prove a perfect match between man and mission.

The son of a naval officer, Decatur was well educated, tall and goodlooking, so resplendent in his uniform that young women were said to faint when he entered a room. He was also uncommonly brave. Decatur took an assault force with him on the captured Tripolitan ketch, renamed Intrepid and disguised as a Maltese merchantman flying British colors. He sailed into Tripoli harbor on the night of Feb. 16, 1804, drifting in on a slight breeze to within hailing range of Philadelphia. His Maltese pilot called out in Arabic, explaining to the guards aboard Philadelphia that the merchantman had come to acquire livestock for the British garrison on Malta but had lost her anchors in a storm. The pilot asked the guards if the ketch could tie up to Philadelphia for the night. With permission granted, the raiders towed Intrepid over to the frigate and slid in beneath the anchor chains; then Decatur yelled out, “Board!” He and his men clambered up the sides of the ship and in through the open gun ports. Using only swords and knives, they took the ship within minutes.

It took only a few more minutes to fill the ship with combustibles and fire her. Decatur was last to leave the burning Philadelphia. Intrepid then fled under small-arms fire. Cannon at the bashaw’s castle also opened fire but inflicted no damage to the fleeing American vessel. Philadelphia ultimately burned to the waterline. The mission had been a stunning success; Decatur had lost not a single sailor, and only one man had been wounded. Britain’s Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson called it “the most bold and daring act of the age.” Decatur earned promotion to captain, the youngest U.S. Navy lieutenant ever to achieve that rank. He also became the nation’s first military hero since the Revolution. Five American counties, four cities and seven towns are named after him.

Though Decatur’s raid did not bring the First Barbary War to an end, it was the conflict’s signature event and defined it for the American people. The war itself went on for another year and a half. Reinforcements arrived from the United States in the spring of 1804, and Preble devised a new plan, to enter Tripoli harbor with small gunboats and backed up by Constitution and a number of brigs. On August 3 he set his plan in motion. The action was fierce as American boarding parties swarmed the decks of the Tripolitan ships. Decatur later remarked that “hand to hand is not child’s play—’tis kill or be killed.” His brother, James, died in this action, felled by a gunshot wound to the head. Decatur pursued the enemy boat that had delivered the fatal shot, boarded it and, in a bloody fight, his 10 Americans killed all but three of the vessel’s 24 occupants. Preble, meanwhile, brought the larger ships into action, and Constitution moved in close to pour cannon fire into the bashaw’s castle. One volley brought down a minaret.

More battles followed, with Constitution repeatedly bombarding shore batteries, wearing down Tripoli’s defenses in a war of attrition. In a final action Preble sent a fireship into the harbor, hoping to destroy the bulk of the remaining Tripolitan gunships, but it exploded prematurely, killing all hands.

Not all the action was at sea. William Eaton, the U.S. consul in Tunis, devised a plan to arm Karamanli’s exiled brother, Hamet, who would then march a force across the Libyan desert to take Tripoli by land. Receiving tentative approval for the scheme, Eaton sailed to Egypt in 1805, found Hamet and assembled a force that included 250 Bedouin, 90 of Hamet’s followers, 63 mercenaries and nine U.S. Marines (whose presence was later commemorated in the Corps’ hymn by the verse “to the shores of Tripoli”). The 500- mile journey across blistering desert caused tempers and ethnic tensions to flare, and the Bedouin demanded more money. When the ragtag army reached a scheduled rendezvous with an American supply ship, the vessel was not there. It soon arrived, however, and the army marched on to Derne. Eaton demanded its surrender. When refused, he attacked, breached the walls and in hand-to-hand fighting took the city, later defending it against a largescale counterattack.

Eaton’s spirited defense of Derne was undercut somewhat by news that the war was already over. Jefferson had sent a seasoned diplomat, Tobias Lear, to Tripoli to negotiate a deal that Yusuf Karamanli, threatened by land and sea, had readily accepted. For $60,000 and the return of 100 Tripolitan prisoners of war, Karamanli signed a new treaty and released Philadelphia’s 296 survivors. Eaton and his Marines were hustled out of Derne, while the other members of Hamet’s ragtag force were left to fend for themselves.

America launched the Second Barbary War in 1815, this time against Algiers, but it did not amount to much of a conflict. Decatur commanded the 10-ship squadron sent to fight it out with the Algerines. He quickly seized the flagship of the Algerian fleet and drove another ship aground, taking some 500 prisoners, then parked his fleet in Algiers’ harbor, guns trained on its defenses, and dictated the terms of a treaty. He did the same in Tunis and Tripoli, ultimately capturing 27 Barbary ships. So ended North African piracy against American shipping. It was clear to all that America had become a naval power.

In his second inaugural address, in 1805, Jefferson proposed a massive expansion of the country’s maritime defenses and the building of more ships for the Navy, including huge 74-gun ships of the line. In the 1820s American merchant shipping in the Mediterranean grew by a factor of four. More important, the two wars against the Barbary pirates had given America a new confidence in itself. Though hardly a world power, the United States had clearly established it did have a role to play in the world—and the means to play it.

News of the Times;
A burglar broke into our house last night.

I didn't shoot him; I just put the red laser dot on his forehead.

The three cats did the rest.


I found my first grey pubic hair today.

Thankfully, it wasn't mine.

Although I really should be dating younger women.



I hear there's a new app that helps women living in New York and blocks all incoming calls from the governor. It's called; "No mo Cuomo."

They're saying online that the Warner Brothers cartoon character Pepe LePew is virtually a goner, since his whole routine basically mimicked the current governor of New York.

Most people in Russia were angry that President Biden called Russian President Vladimir Putin ‘a killer'. Those who weren't mad were killed.

What do you do when one of your friends is too shy to ask people questions? Asking for a friend.

California has told Disneyland that they can reopen on April 1st. Apparently, they're going to change their slogan to "The Most Contagious Place on Earth!"

Disneyland immediately rescheduled to reopen on April 30th. They originally planning to reopen on April 1st, but nobody believed them.

Life Hack: Rent the same type of car you own and switch the tires. Best $39.95 I ever spent!

I know a farmer that used his stimulus check to buy baby chickens. So, he got his money for nothing and his chicks for free.

During a recent job interview, I was asked if I could perform under pressure. I replied, "I don't know all the words of that one, but I can do a mean Bohemian Rhapsody!"

You wanna see social distancing? Loan somebody some money.


My wife phoned me and said, "I'm so excited, I just tried on my wedding dress and after 10 years it still fits."

"Of course it fits," I replied, "You were 9 months pregnant."


My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila.

"You're coming home right now!" she screamed. "No I'm not," I laughed.

She said, "I'm talking to the kids!"

Quote of the Times;
Vladimir Putin challenging Joe Biden to have an open and live discussion with him in front of the world because he knows that senile Biden cannot do that is objectively hilarious. Knowing that world leaders are openly mocking the sham of our election results is objectively sad. – Owens

Link of the Times;

Issue of the Times;
The Washington Post's Fake Trump Quote Scandal Is a Lot Worse Than You Think by Matt Margolis

The media conspiracy against Trump became a lot more serious on Monday when the Washington Post retracted its January story claiming that President Donald Trump had pressured Frances Watson, the chief investigator for Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, to “find the fraud” in the 2020 election and said that he’d be a “national hero” if he did.

A recording of the call definitively proved that the quotes cited by the Washington Post, and then parroted by other outlets, were never actually said by the president.

But, as Becket Adams explains at the Washington Examiner, “the Washington Post’s dud of a ‘bombshell’ isn’t even the most scandalous thing about this episode in media malfeasance.”

The most scandalous thing, Adams, argues, is that several different newsrooms “claimed they independently ‘confirmed’ the original ‘scoop’ with anonymous sources of their own.”

NBC News reported it “confirmed The Post’s characterization of the Dec. 23 call through a source familiar with the conversation.”

USA Today claimed a “Georgia official speaking on the condition of anonymity to discuss internal matters confirmed the details of the call.”

ABC News reported: “President Donald Trump phoned a chief investigator in Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger’s office asking the official to ‘find the fraud’ and telling this person they would be a ‘national hero’ for it, an individual familiar with the matter confirmed to ABC News.”

PBS NewsHour and CNN likewise appeared to claim they independently “confirmed” the story through their own anonymous sources.

The Washington Post claimed its quotes were confirmed by an anonymous source, and at least five major news outlets claimed to have independently confirmed that Trump said things he never said. “The most likely scenario is ABC, the Washington Post, and others talked to the same person or group,” theorizes Adams. “It’s either that or a bunch of people managed somehow to be wrong about a very specific claim, which is highly unlikely.”

Unless, of course, none of these five outlets actually confirmed anything, but merely claimed so. This is possible, but considering the fact that the recording of the call was found in the trash folder of a Georgia state official’s computer seems to suggest that one or more Georgia state officials conspired to come up with a damaging version of the phone call, leaked the phony details to the media, and then covered up evidence of the actual call.

Regardless of which scenario took place, the implications are bad.

“The uncomfortable questions we are left with now are: Whom were they all speaking to? How did this person or these persons get the details of Trump’s private phone call wrong? Are there additional examples of the media reporting bad information provided by anonymous sources we don’t know about, merely because there’s no contradictory audio or video?” writes Adams. “Just how many anonymously sourced stories are fraudulent? If it can happen this easily, who is to say it doesn’t happen often? Further, how many of these bogus stories have enjoyed the backing of supposed independent corroboration when, in fact, newsrooms most likely talked to the same person or people?”

President Trump got a lot of flak for calling the media the “enemy of the people.” But it seems like they’ve been doing a good job at proving Trump was right about them.

News of the Times;
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