Three scientists were talking one day when one of them asked if there had ever been an experiment carried out to determine the effect of blocking off an elephants rectum for an extended period of time. They discovered that it had never been tried and so they resolved to try it themselves.
They got an elephant and inserted a huge plug into its arse and let the elephant go about its daily business of eating 500 pounds of greenstuff a day.
After a couple of days, it occurred to the scientists that someone was going to have to remove the plug from the elephants arse. None of them were prepared to do it so they got themselves a monkey and trained it to remove the plug when it heard a particular bell sound.
Come the day of the end of the experiment when the plug was finally to be removed, they set themselves up at respectable distances from the monkey and elephant –
1 scientist was 50 yards away, 1 was 500 yards away and the third was a mile away.
All had recording equipment etc set up to record the event.
One had a button to press to sound the bell and prompt the monkey to remove the plug from the elephant's arse.
The button was pressed, the bell sounded and there was this god-almighty explosion.
The scientist at 1 mile from the elephant was splattered with shit and he raced up to the scientist 500 yards from the elephant. He too was covered in shit.
They both raced up to the scientist who had set himself up 50 yards from the elephant to find him up to his neck in shit, covered in scratches and bruises and with a couple of broken bones in his arms and legs. He was also pissing himself laughing. One of his colleagues commented on all the injuries he had sustained and asked why was he laughing so much.
"The bell sounded, the monkey pulled the plug and I was injured when the blast threw me backwards away from my position.", he said.
"But why were you laughing so much?", his colleagues asked again.
"You'd be laughing too if you could have seen the expression on the monkey's face as he tried to put the plug back in."
*.*
Oneliners:
When you check your phone for the time it is the same motion as checking a pocket watch.
What would happen if Alex Trebek did an AMA and everyone gave him answers and he responded with questions.
Tinder should have a 'recommend a friend' button.
My cats must think me to be an amazing hunter. Leaving on long trips, and often coming back tired, with enough food for weeks.
Lighting a candle for each year of your life on a birthday cake and then blowing them out is a weird existentialist ritual that symbolizes how your life will inevitably be extinguished.
Eating candy never ruined my dinner. It just meant that my dinner was candy.
I feel really bad for people who had bad eye sight before glasses were invented
If I can´t handle you at your worst, you´re probably a horrible human being.
Can people please stop dating Taylor Swift?
Restaurants and Supermarkets should just tile their floors with yellow squares that say "Caution : Wet Floor", then they're always covered.
*.*
A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"
They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.
"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.
From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.
Said one clergy to the other; "Do you think we should change our sign to: Bridge Out instead?"
*.*
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and I was in
good hands.
"Now," She asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
*.*
"Good looks catch the eye
but a good personality catches the heart;
and you are blessed with both."
Don't be flattered, this message was sent to me.
I just wanted you to read it.
Issue of the Times;
Georgetown, Slavery, and the Riots in Sweden by William Kilpatrick
Two years ago, Georgetown University made a show of repenting of its past connections to slavery by renaming two buildings whose namesakes had once sold slaves.
It might be expected then that when a Georgetown faculty member defends slavery, not just online, but in the course of a ninety-minute lecture, the reaction would be swift and severe. We would expect that the wayward academic would be relieved of his duties and sentenced to a re-education program, or else be fired outright.
Unless, of course, he was a Muslim defending Islamic slavery—in which case the rules of multicultural diversity come into play, and all is forgiven. The strongest reaction the administration could muster was this statement:
As an academic community, we are committed to academic freedom and the ability of faculty members to freely pursue their research and express their analysis. While we defend this academic freedom, the body of a faculty member’s work does not necessarily represent the University’s position.
That anemic response was all I could find when googling the words “Georgetown responds to professor who defends slavery.” So when it becomes known that two long-dead Jesuits profited from the sale of slaves, Georgetown appoints a panel of sixteen and renames two of its buildings, but when a living, breathing faculty member defends slavery (and rape), it “does not necessarily represent the University’s position.”
According to the official response, Georgetown is “committed to academic freedom and the ability of faculty members to freely pursue their research and express their analysis.” But if one digs a little deeper, it appears that high-minded commitment to academic freedom is not the only consideration.
The professor in question, Jonathan A.C. Brown, is a convert to Islam and is the director of Georgetown’s Alwaleed bin Talal Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding. Twelve years ago, Prince Alwaleed contributed $20 million to the Center. And one supposes that he and other Arabs have contributed more in the meantime. In addition, the Center has become the go-to place for establishment people in government, media, and the Church to find research to support their view that Islam means peace, and that anyone who disagrees is a bigoted “Islamophobe.”
So the Center brings both money and prestige to Georgetown. Given those circumstances, it might not be prudent for Georgetown to make a fuss about a “minor” matter such as Islamic slavery. With their gift, the Saudis, it seems, have purchased Georgetown’s silence.
What exactly did Professor Brown say? Here are some samples so you can judge for yourself whether Georgetown’s tepid response was adequate. On February 7, 2017, in a speech to the International Institute of Islamic Thought in Herndon, Virginia, he said:
I don’t think it’s morally evil to own somebody, because we own lots of people all around us, and we’re owned by people.
(In response to a question) The Prophet of God had slaves. He had slaves. There’s no denying that… Are you more morally mature than the Prophet of God? No, you’re not.
(On the question of sexual slavery) It’s very hard to have this discussion because we think of, let’s say in the modern United States, the sine qua non of morally correct sex is consent. We think of people as autonomous agents… If you take away the consent element, then everyone starts flipping out … we fetishize the idea of autonomy to the extent that we forget, again, who’s really free?
In his Facebook page, Brown is more explicit: “Slave women do not have agency over their sexual access, so their owner can have sex with them.”
Professor Brown’s observations provide a glimpse into the Muslim mind—a glimpse that Georgetown officials would prefer you not have. Almost the central project of the Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding has been to combat “Islamophobia”—by which is meant an irrational fear of Islam. But Professor Brown’s remarks suggest that people who fear Islam have good reason to do so.
Go back to his comment on Muhammad: “The Prophet of God had slaves… Are you more morally mature than the Prophet of God?” For Brown and for the vast majority of Islamic scholars, that is the clinching argument: Muhammad could do no wrong.
Some Catholics like to comfort themselves with the notion that Catholics and Muslims have similar codes of morality. But, as Brown’s comments suggest, Islamic morality is based largely on the example of Muhammad. Consider this item from his Facebook page: “It’s not possible to say that slavery is inherently, absolutely, categorically immoral in all times and places since it was allowed by the Qur’an and the Prophet.”
There is in Islam no rational, natural-law basis for discerning right from wrong. What Muslims have, for the most part, is the example of Muhammad—the “perfect man.” When defending Muhammad’s marriage to nine-year-old Aisha, Brown says: “You cannot say from a Sharia perspective that what the Prophet did was wrong because the Prophet can’t commit sins.” That’s the way Islamic morality works. Muhammad married a nine-year-old, so marriage with underage girls is permissible. Muhammad had slaves, so slavery can’t be immoral. Muhammad had sex slaves, so that can’t be wrong either. Muhammad killed infidels for no other reason than that they were unbelievers. Therefore, unbelievers can be justifiably killed.
By the way, simply believing in God doesn’t protect you from the wrath of Allah. If you don’t believe that Muhammad is the Messenger of God, you are, by definition, an unbeliever. You can, under certain circumstances, be legitimately killed or enslaved or raped. Being a fairly new convert, Professor Brown was a tad more honest about these things than an experienced Islamic apologist should be. Nevertheless, he has done us infidels a favor by pulling back the curtain and revealing the dark heart of Islam—that it is a religion made in the image and likeness of Muhammad.
Another glimpse into the reality of Islam was provided last week by Muslim rioters in Stockholm, Sweden. Swedish officials have long tried to cover up the extent of Muslim immigrant crime, and the Western media has been happy to play along with the pretense. So when President Trump made a reference during a speech to what happened “last night in Sweden,” the media was quick to pounce. Nothing of note had happened in Sweden the night before, they gloated: Trump had got it wrong again. His implication that Muslim immigration had led to a surge in violence was baseless. Did Trump not know that Sweden was still the land of harmony, peace, and prosperity—of Pippi Longstocking, ABBA, and Volvos?
And then, the next day, rioting erupted in Rinkeby, a suburb of Stockholm. For over four hours, a mob of seventy, many of them masked, set fire to cars, looted shops, beat passers-by, and threw rocks at police. Nor was this the first time. Sweden has experienced numerous riots. The worst of them lasted almost a week in 2013:
The riots began in the immigrant-dominated suburb of Husby, but quickly spread to other suburbs such as Rinkeby, Tensta, Kista and the town of Södertälje south of Stockholm. Night after night, rioting immigrants left images of broken windows, burnt walls, and scorched car parks. Cars were torched and several schools and a police station were set ablaze.
In addition to rioting and soaring crime rates, Sweden has the second highest incidence of rape in the world. Many of the assaults are committed in crowded public spaces:
This is evident in the increasing mass sexual assaults and rapes committed by migrants at Swedish festivals. In July 2016 at Bravalla, Sweden’s largest music festival, there were nearly 40 assaults, including five rapes. A week earlier at Putte i Parken (Party in the Park), a free festival in Karlstad, there were 32 similar sexual attacks where the youngest victim was just twelve years old.
The establishment wants to keep alive a certain narrative about Muslim migration into Sweden—namely, that the migrants are happily and peacefully integrating into Swedish society. Unfortunately for them and their narrative, reality keeps intruding on the pretty picture they have drawn.
Something similar is happening at Georgetown. The university wants to keep alive the notion that Islam is no different from—and maybe even better than—other world religions. And then someone like Professor Brown lets slip a few home truths about Islam and threatens to spoil the whole narrative.
In response to the riots in Sweden, a few members of the mainstream media were honest enough to report, however briefly, on the violence. Will Georgetown act accordingly in regard to Professor Brown’s defense of Islamic slavery? So far they’ve done essentially nothing. Evidently, university officials are hoping that the fuss will die down and things will return to normal.
But the normal work of the Alwaleed bin Talal Center is to churn out shoddy and tendentious research designed to show that Islam is as normal as apple pie. The main business of the Center is to convince Catholics that “Islamophobia” is the greatest threat to our nation, while deceiving them entirely about the nature and aims of Islam. If Georgetown’s Disneyfied view of Islam prevails, then America will almost certainly suffer the same fate as Europe, where riots and rape are the new normal, and where cathedrals, synagogues, and national monuments must be protected by security forces and bulletproof barriers.
Georgetown University once profited by selling slaves, now it is profiting by allowing the Saudis to purchase influence and spread disinformation. But this is not simply a game of “gotcha”—of catching the MSM in one more lie, or of pointing out the hypocrisy of a prestigious Catholic institution. The stakes are too high. The point of calling attention to Georgetown’s misadventures is not to score points, but to awaken the university to its Catholic calling. And, if that is not possible, to alert other Catholics to the university’s Islamic whitewash operation.
While Georgetown is busy fighting “Islamophobia,” Christians are being enslaved in Africa, and exterminated in the Middle East. What we are witnessing is not a misunderstanding between cultures, but the unfolding of a spiritual war—one with a bloody physical front. Most Christians are hardly aware that the battle has been joined. And some—like those at Georgetown—are naively abetting the wrong side. By its silence over the Islamic slavery issue, Georgetown has taken one more step into the darkness. Other Catholics would be foolish to follow their lead.
Quote of the Times;
An irreligious society cannot endure the truth of the human condition. It prefers a lie, no matter how idiotic it may be. - Davila
Link of the Times;
https://www.amren.com/features/2017/02/black-slavery-middle-east/
Georgetown?
Manhood?
Oneliners:
5.4 million Americans report Scottish ancestry. There are probably more, but those are the ones who are too damn cheap to pay for the stamp on the survey!
In California, a nudist camp is accused of stealing water during that state's big drought. Leaders at the camp, as you would expect, say they have nothing to hide.
My country cousin Fitz passed this along: Paris Hilton bought a $13,000 Pomeranian. If you want one for yourself, they can be purchased at www.WhyTheTerroristsHateUs.org.
A study says that mice that were given a human brain gene learned how to perform tasks better. It also caused them to notice that Mickey Mouse is not wearing pants.
I'm not surprised Scotland wanted to break up with the U.K. I actually heard Scotland was already seeing other countries.
*.*
How The Hell Did These Rules Even Made Their Way Into Professional Sports?
If a punt returner elects to call a fair catch on a punt, then on the subsequent play the team that made the fair catch may attempt an uncontested field goal. This obviously doesn’t happen often because most fair catches occur too far away to attempt a field goal.
In Major League Baseball, if a ball gets stuck in an umpire’s mask then all runners get to advance one base.
In professional tennis, if you start a point wearing a hat you must finish the point with the hat still on. If it happens to fall off, then the point is replayed.
Goalkeepers in professional soccer must always have their sleeves down. This is so referees can tell who punches the ball in a crowd of players usually somewhere within the box.
You’ve heard of a ground-rule double but have you heard of the ground-rule triple? A batter is awarded third base if a player tries to catch a batted ball with their hat or mask.
According to the NFL, if a third-string quarterback enters a game then the first and second-string quarterbacks may not enter. If the second-string quarterback enters, then the first-string is still allowed to enter back into the game.
In the professional hockey, the goalie is not allowed to cross the center red line. There’s almost never an instance in which this would occur, unless, of course, there’s an all-out line brawl.
In college baseball, pitchers have 20 seconds to throw each pitch once the catcher throws the ball back to them or when the umpire gives them the ball.
In showjumping, there is a rule that says there cannot be any cuts on a horse’s leg. It is believed that cutting a horse’s legs influences the horses to jump higher.
A goalie is allowed to be replaced during any point of regulation or overtime, but not during a shootout. Once the shootout begins the goalie must remain the same.
You must ask yourself when watching racewalking in the Olympics, how do they decide who is walking and who is running? Well, the rule in racewalking to determine that is all racewalkers must have one foot on the ground at all times.
After a golfer’s round of 18 holes, he/she must turn in a scorecard to the official scorekeeper. If for some reason they forget to sign the scorecard then he/she is disqualified from the event.
*.*
My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over.
I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam. Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt. On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and turned my ankle.
When I limped into the kitchen, my wife took one look and said, "Are those your good pants?"
*.*
"I start the day with liquids, but after the morning news, I eat pancakes smothered in maple syrup!" Barbra Streisand tweeted on Saturday.
Barbra Streisand says Donald Trump is making her gain weight. The singer tweeted on Saturday that news involving Trump affects her morning routine.
"Trump just accused Obama of tapping his phones. Seriously crazy times," added Streisand. "Time for more pancakes."
*.*
So Stalin wakes up in the morning and goes out on his balcony. "Good morning comrade Sun," he says.
The Sun says, "good morning comrade Stalin, I trust you slept well."
After lunch, Stalin goes for a walk. "Good day, comrade Sun," he says.
The Sun says, "good day, comrade Stalin. I hope the day is going well for you."
At sunset, Stalin goes out and and says, "good evening, comrade Sun."
Nothing.
Annoyed, Stalin says, "I said good evening comrade Sun!"
The Sun replies, "fuck you! I'm in the west now!"
Issue of the Times;
The 7 Deadly Sins Of Manhood
There have been endless debates about what it means to be a man, and while we may never reach a consensus, I believe that we can start with a process of elimination by identifying traits that are clearly antithetical to masculinity. The following seven traits have been chosen as the great sins of manhood that plague men today.
1. Self-Pity
Of the seven sins listed here, this is the most pathetic of them all. This is when a man chooses to see himself as a victim and engages in all sorts of pity-seeking behaviours from crying and complaining to throwing temper tantrums. A man who feels sorry for himself is a man who takes no action to change his circumstances. A man who wonders why his life is so miserable only succeeds in amplifying his own misery. Self-pity is akin to digging your own grave. Any man who commits the sin of self-pity deserves no mercy from this harsh world.
2. Complacency
Complacency equates to lack of drive and resignation—it is essentially giving up without even trying. A complacent man is a drifter and a nobody who only acts when prompted by an external force. And in the original seven deadly sins listed by the Catholic church, this was known as sloth.
The problem with our modern society is that it has become far too comfortable (at least materially) for men. In the past, men would exercise their masculine energy out of sheer necessity as they faced constant danger for survival and conquest. But today, there isn’t such need. Most men work in safe, controlled environments that often don’t even require physical exertion. That, in combination with the fact that men are surrounded with various electronic screens to entertain them induces physical degradation that soon weakens the mind as well. Once trapped, even an ounce of effort starts to feel like a burden.
Complacency is no way to live. Whether you be religious or not, you must have a certain drive or a purpose. A religious man will know the path that had been laid out by his God; an atheist must create a meaning of his own to strive towards. Either way, all men must keep their passion burning and march on forward.
3. Cowardice
Cowards die a thousand times in their lives. And a man who lets fear dictate his destiny is nothing but a slave.
Fear is a trickster that has a funny way of controlling men with distorted and exaggerated imagery to inhibit action. The truth is that most of what we fear is benign. Unlike the dangers we faced during our primal times, the risks we engage in today will almost never lead to physical harm or death. Yet, how often do men submit to the gripping terror of having to approach a girl in the street, or to stand up and speak out against the toxic PC culture? How often do men quit before even starting because of their fear of failure and ridicule?
Fear, much like pain, is inevitable in life. Bravery is not about the absence of fear, but the embrace of it. Many men would do well to laugh in the face of such phantom by focusing more on pushing ahead towards their goals.
4. Distraction
If you think about it, your entire life is all about focus of your time and energy. Without focus, you are just spilling your life away. Being distracted easily is a sign of lack of discipline, and this is becoming more and more apparent in today’s world where everyone seems to be dictated by the beeps and alerts of electronic devices.
Know that every moment that you becomes distracted is a loss: you lose your productivity, you lose your time, and you also lose sight of your mission. And anything that takes your focus away from what’s truly important to you are distractions. They can be small daily distractions like smartphones, television, and the internet, to more profound ones that derail your life like poor financial management and toxic woman.
Your attention span is finite. Guard it with your life by removing the distractions or by removing yourself from the distracting environment. You are what you focus on, so be responsible for where you direct it.
5. Dependency
Dependency and attachment are two sides of the same coin. A man may choose to become dependent on substances and entertainment to numb himself, or get overly attached to objects, people, and matters. No matter what he decides to cling himself onto, he desperately believes that the object of his attachment will bring about happiness and fulfillment. But will it?
According to Buddhist teachings, attachment is the source of all suffering. A man in need of an external source of validation is a chained man who wavers haplessly by the circumstances outside of his life. You should also know that attachment isn’t limited to just objects of desire; you can also become attached to anger and the desire for revenge, to pain and grief, and just about anything from the past and the future in the form of regrets and worries.
Remember: if you don’t want to be dragged, all you have to do is let go.
6. Weakness
Weakness comes in many forms and they are all equally harmful. Physical weakness is utterly inexcusable for a man and no further explanation is necessary. Mental weakness, however, is trickier. It is something that can creep into your soul at any moment, but especially during the times when you are vulnerable. As a man, you must be resolute in your belief that you will be able to handle any challenges that you face. You may not always resolve them to your liking, but you must always show strength and courage.
Weakness also creeps out in the form of supplication. Considering the audience here, I don’t think I need to go into details about all the simps who kowtow to the feminist imperative. Just be aware if and when you find yourself wavering.
Men are not born strong. Much like physical strength, the only way to defeat mental weakness is by training yourself over time through incremental steps: Learn to say ‘no’ to bullshit. Draw the line and stand up for yourself. Head towards fear and discomfort instead of avoiding them. Stop making lame excuses and just do it. You have to push your boundaries to shed your weakness; constantly telling yourself that you’re an “alpha” is not going to make you one.
7. Lack Of Will
Lack of will is the mother of all other sins listed here. A man without the force of will is no man at all. Without that fire which drives a man, nothing would be possible. It is especially difficult for men today—especially young men—to discover and kindle this virtue on their own. Men in today’s Western societies have been all but forsaken and pushed under to make room for entitled women and sexual deviants. In our feminized culture that seeks to destroy masculinity, it’s not surprising to see many men with low morale who have seemingly given up in their fight for existence. As bad as things may be, know that this is a condition to overcome, not something to lament.
Will is much more difficult to cultivate than strength. Some men just seem to be gifted with a strong will, but it is possible to cultivate it. By implementing some of the above mentioned tips and by dedicating every day to be better than the one before, you will forge your own iron will slowly but surely. It also helps to read about other great men as role models to emulate—having real-life mentors and other supportive men are even better. And last, remember: never give up. You just do not give up under any circumstances, life does not permit it.
Quote of the Times;
A man is not a man until he has accessed the raw untamed energy and taken pleasure in his capacity to fight and defend himself, only then can he transform his blind rage into the power to commit himself, to handle tensions and make difficult decisions. A feeling of inner security also develops, it is based on his realization that whatever happens to go wrong, he can get help from his inner resources. From the basic energies of his aggression.
Link of the Times;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEG-ly9tQGk
5.4 million Americans report Scottish ancestry. There are probably more, but those are the ones who are too damn cheap to pay for the stamp on the survey!
In California, a nudist camp is accused of stealing water during that state's big drought. Leaders at the camp, as you would expect, say they have nothing to hide.
My country cousin Fitz passed this along: Paris Hilton bought a $13,000 Pomeranian. If you want one for yourself, they can be purchased at www.WhyTheTerroristsHateUs.org.
A study says that mice that were given a human brain gene learned how to perform tasks better. It also caused them to notice that Mickey Mouse is not wearing pants.
I'm not surprised Scotland wanted to break up with the U.K. I actually heard Scotland was already seeing other countries.
*.*
How The Hell Did These Rules Even Made Their Way Into Professional Sports?
If a punt returner elects to call a fair catch on a punt, then on the subsequent play the team that made the fair catch may attempt an uncontested field goal. This obviously doesn’t happen often because most fair catches occur too far away to attempt a field goal.
In Major League Baseball, if a ball gets stuck in an umpire’s mask then all runners get to advance one base.
In professional tennis, if you start a point wearing a hat you must finish the point with the hat still on. If it happens to fall off, then the point is replayed.
Goalkeepers in professional soccer must always have their sleeves down. This is so referees can tell who punches the ball in a crowd of players usually somewhere within the box.
You’ve heard of a ground-rule double but have you heard of the ground-rule triple? A batter is awarded third base if a player tries to catch a batted ball with their hat or mask.
According to the NFL, if a third-string quarterback enters a game then the first and second-string quarterbacks may not enter. If the second-string quarterback enters, then the first-string is still allowed to enter back into the game.
In the professional hockey, the goalie is not allowed to cross the center red line. There’s almost never an instance in which this would occur, unless, of course, there’s an all-out line brawl.
In college baseball, pitchers have 20 seconds to throw each pitch once the catcher throws the ball back to them or when the umpire gives them the ball.
In showjumping, there is a rule that says there cannot be any cuts on a horse’s leg. It is believed that cutting a horse’s legs influences the horses to jump higher.
A goalie is allowed to be replaced during any point of regulation or overtime, but not during a shootout. Once the shootout begins the goalie must remain the same.
You must ask yourself when watching racewalking in the Olympics, how do they decide who is walking and who is running? Well, the rule in racewalking to determine that is all racewalkers must have one foot on the ground at all times.
After a golfer’s round of 18 holes, he/she must turn in a scorecard to the official scorekeeper. If for some reason they forget to sign the scorecard then he/she is disqualified from the event.
*.*
My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over.
I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam. Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt. On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and turned my ankle.
When I limped into the kitchen, my wife took one look and said, "Are those your good pants?"
*.*
"I start the day with liquids, but after the morning news, I eat pancakes smothered in maple syrup!" Barbra Streisand tweeted on Saturday.
Barbra Streisand says Donald Trump is making her gain weight. The singer tweeted on Saturday that news involving Trump affects her morning routine.
"Trump just accused Obama of tapping his phones. Seriously crazy times," added Streisand. "Time for more pancakes."
*.*
So Stalin wakes up in the morning and goes out on his balcony. "Good morning comrade Sun," he says.
The Sun says, "good morning comrade Stalin, I trust you slept well."
After lunch, Stalin goes for a walk. "Good day, comrade Sun," he says.
The Sun says, "good day, comrade Stalin. I hope the day is going well for you."
At sunset, Stalin goes out and and says, "good evening, comrade Sun."
Nothing.
Annoyed, Stalin says, "I said good evening comrade Sun!"
The Sun replies, "fuck you! I'm in the west now!"
Issue of the Times;
The 7 Deadly Sins Of Manhood
There have been endless debates about what it means to be a man, and while we may never reach a consensus, I believe that we can start with a process of elimination by identifying traits that are clearly antithetical to masculinity. The following seven traits have been chosen as the great sins of manhood that plague men today.
1. Self-Pity
Of the seven sins listed here, this is the most pathetic of them all. This is when a man chooses to see himself as a victim and engages in all sorts of pity-seeking behaviours from crying and complaining to throwing temper tantrums. A man who feels sorry for himself is a man who takes no action to change his circumstances. A man who wonders why his life is so miserable only succeeds in amplifying his own misery. Self-pity is akin to digging your own grave. Any man who commits the sin of self-pity deserves no mercy from this harsh world.
2. Complacency
Complacency equates to lack of drive and resignation—it is essentially giving up without even trying. A complacent man is a drifter and a nobody who only acts when prompted by an external force. And in the original seven deadly sins listed by the Catholic church, this was known as sloth.
The problem with our modern society is that it has become far too comfortable (at least materially) for men. In the past, men would exercise their masculine energy out of sheer necessity as they faced constant danger for survival and conquest. But today, there isn’t such need. Most men work in safe, controlled environments that often don’t even require physical exertion. That, in combination with the fact that men are surrounded with various electronic screens to entertain them induces physical degradation that soon weakens the mind as well. Once trapped, even an ounce of effort starts to feel like a burden.
Complacency is no way to live. Whether you be religious or not, you must have a certain drive or a purpose. A religious man will know the path that had been laid out by his God; an atheist must create a meaning of his own to strive towards. Either way, all men must keep their passion burning and march on forward.
3. Cowardice
Cowards die a thousand times in their lives. And a man who lets fear dictate his destiny is nothing but a slave.
Fear is a trickster that has a funny way of controlling men with distorted and exaggerated imagery to inhibit action. The truth is that most of what we fear is benign. Unlike the dangers we faced during our primal times, the risks we engage in today will almost never lead to physical harm or death. Yet, how often do men submit to the gripping terror of having to approach a girl in the street, or to stand up and speak out against the toxic PC culture? How often do men quit before even starting because of their fear of failure and ridicule?
Fear, much like pain, is inevitable in life. Bravery is not about the absence of fear, but the embrace of it. Many men would do well to laugh in the face of such phantom by focusing more on pushing ahead towards their goals.
4. Distraction
If you think about it, your entire life is all about focus of your time and energy. Without focus, you are just spilling your life away. Being distracted easily is a sign of lack of discipline, and this is becoming more and more apparent in today’s world where everyone seems to be dictated by the beeps and alerts of electronic devices.
Know that every moment that you becomes distracted is a loss: you lose your productivity, you lose your time, and you also lose sight of your mission. And anything that takes your focus away from what’s truly important to you are distractions. They can be small daily distractions like smartphones, television, and the internet, to more profound ones that derail your life like poor financial management and toxic woman.
Your attention span is finite. Guard it with your life by removing the distractions or by removing yourself from the distracting environment. You are what you focus on, so be responsible for where you direct it.
5. Dependency
Dependency and attachment are two sides of the same coin. A man may choose to become dependent on substances and entertainment to numb himself, or get overly attached to objects, people, and matters. No matter what he decides to cling himself onto, he desperately believes that the object of his attachment will bring about happiness and fulfillment. But will it?
According to Buddhist teachings, attachment is the source of all suffering. A man in need of an external source of validation is a chained man who wavers haplessly by the circumstances outside of his life. You should also know that attachment isn’t limited to just objects of desire; you can also become attached to anger and the desire for revenge, to pain and grief, and just about anything from the past and the future in the form of regrets and worries.
Remember: if you don’t want to be dragged, all you have to do is let go.
6. Weakness
Weakness comes in many forms and they are all equally harmful. Physical weakness is utterly inexcusable for a man and no further explanation is necessary. Mental weakness, however, is trickier. It is something that can creep into your soul at any moment, but especially during the times when you are vulnerable. As a man, you must be resolute in your belief that you will be able to handle any challenges that you face. You may not always resolve them to your liking, but you must always show strength and courage.
Weakness also creeps out in the form of supplication. Considering the audience here, I don’t think I need to go into details about all the simps who kowtow to the feminist imperative. Just be aware if and when you find yourself wavering.
Men are not born strong. Much like physical strength, the only way to defeat mental weakness is by training yourself over time through incremental steps: Learn to say ‘no’ to bullshit. Draw the line and stand up for yourself. Head towards fear and discomfort instead of avoiding them. Stop making lame excuses and just do it. You have to push your boundaries to shed your weakness; constantly telling yourself that you’re an “alpha” is not going to make you one.
7. Lack Of Will
Lack of will is the mother of all other sins listed here. A man without the force of will is no man at all. Without that fire which drives a man, nothing would be possible. It is especially difficult for men today—especially young men—to discover and kindle this virtue on their own. Men in today’s Western societies have been all but forsaken and pushed under to make room for entitled women and sexual deviants. In our feminized culture that seeks to destroy masculinity, it’s not surprising to see many men with low morale who have seemingly given up in their fight for existence. As bad as things may be, know that this is a condition to overcome, not something to lament.
Will is much more difficult to cultivate than strength. Some men just seem to be gifted with a strong will, but it is possible to cultivate it. By implementing some of the above mentioned tips and by dedicating every day to be better than the one before, you will forge your own iron will slowly but surely. It also helps to read about other great men as role models to emulate—having real-life mentors and other supportive men are even better. And last, remember: never give up. You just do not give up under any circumstances, life does not permit it.
Quote of the Times;
A man is not a man until he has accessed the raw untamed energy and taken pleasure in his capacity to fight and defend himself, only then can he transform his blind rage into the power to commit himself, to handle tensions and make difficult decisions. A feeling of inner security also develops, it is based on his realization that whatever happens to go wrong, he can get help from his inner resources. From the basic energies of his aggression.
Link of the Times;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEG-ly9tQGk
Hungarian?
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old times sake. He hires a prostitute and takes her up to a room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy his age. He asks, "How’m I doing?"
The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"Three knots?" he replies, "What the hell that’s supposed to mean?"
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money back"
*.*
Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.
The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over her left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on her right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on her pubic area.
The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body.
He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it.
However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.
As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the woman's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an asshole under a Yankees cap."
*.*
Oneliners:
Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
Overheard on the elevator: "Their marriage was going O.K. until they bought a water bed... then they started drifting apart."
Constant use will wear out anything... especially friends.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
*.*
Oregon Militia Bored With Lack Of Shock Or Awe
BURNS, Ore. — The small anti-government militia occupying a wildlife refuge building in Oregon has officially gotten so bored with the government’s tepid response and total lack of shock and/or awe that the members are now resorting to menial tasks such as filing paperwork to pass the time.
Ryan Bundy, a member of the militia, said that he really wishes his group had been mistaken for violent lunatics. “We were hoping to become martyrs on the battlefield of freedom, but instead we’re left here looking at piles of unfinished Wildlife Protection Applications,” stated Bundy. “Here we are, staring right into the eyes of the true evil of government: bureaucracy.”
People who are not really famous but do have access to Twitter accounts, such as Kevin M. Kruse, have been offering their own help in the form calling the group “terrorists.”
“We’re hoping that if we rally enough fear, we can get the whole militia wiped out as a human sacrifice for the furtherance of liberty,” Kruse said on Twitter. He declined to comment further, as he had already reached the character limit for a single post.
In the meantime, other y’all-Qaeda groups have rallied around the cause of occupying government buildings such as the VA, DMV, and Immigration Services. Because all of those government buildings have yet to see an employee return from the holiday break, not a single person has been held against his or her will, nor even found on-site.
Federal response to those Collation Forces has been equally dismissive, leading the rest of these would-be patriots to start taking serious action and processing the never-ending backlog of paperwork present.
At press time, the White House Press Secretary said that the members of Yokel Haram would be held accountable in due time. “Just as soon as we submit the proper applications to the Department of Homeland Security, we can start the necessary background checks on the militia to determine our eligibility to file a formal complaint against those religious extremists and their holy yeehawd,” Earnest announced.
*.*
About a week ago, I came across an internet advice column that told me how to eliminate the paperwork clutter on my desk.
GREAT!
So I printed out the five pages of how-to instructions, and placed them on top of the rest of the stuff on my desk. Now I can't find them.
Issue of the Times;
What We Must Learn From The Hungarian Communist Revolution Of 1919
The ancestors of todays SJWs showed their true colors.
Historians of twentieth century Europe, I have noticed, tend to gloss over or minimize the atrocities and crimes of leftists, anarchists, and communists. We hear constantly about the excesses of the right; and yet the left is portrayed as the perennial victim, never stepping beyond the boundaries of civilized conduct. And yet nothing could be further from the truth. The growth of the far right in Europe after the First World War was often traceable to the disorder, chaos, and fear generated by leftist and communist crimes. In country after country, the pattern was the same: outside agents or internal traitors seeking to destabilize the societies in which they lived.
The reader will perceive that there is a direct line of descent from the communist-Bolshevist agitators of yesteryear and the militant social justice warrior (SJW) of today. They are cats of the same stripe. Both of them sought to undermine and destroy the societies in which they lived, and did not care much how they went about doing it. We will now turn to an example, that of the communist revolution in 1919 Hungary. It was the second communist republic to come into existence, after Russia; and while its longevity was mercifully brief, its advent was marked by vindictive violence and bloodshed.
The author of the 1919 Hungarian revolution was a cunning, treacherous man named Bela Kun. His birth name was Bela Kohen or Kohn, and he was born in 1886 in what is now Lelei, Romania. Sometime around 1904 he changed his last name to Kun.
Before the First World War, he was engaged in work as a newspaper journalist in Austria-Hungary, much like the militant social justice warriors (SJWs) of today. He was known for his combative nature, and was apparently accused of embezzlement at one point. He served in the military forces of Austria-Hungary in the First World War, but was captured by the Russians in 1916. When Russia became convulsed in revolution in 1917-1918, he willingly allowed himself to become an agent of the Communist International. He was a committed communist and found its methods and promises attractive. He knew Lenin and approved of his brutal methods, and thought that exporting this brand of terror to the country of his birth would be a good thing
The Bolsheviks sent him back to Hungary in 1918 with a large sum of money and several hundred cadres for the specific purpose of undertaking a coup. In this he was greatly helped by the post-war dislocation and chaos caused by the collapse of the old monarchy. Like a plague bacillus, he and his followers sought to infect a weakened society with an evil ideology that cloaked itself in the language of liberation. His tactics were those of fear and intimidation: he and his group organized strikes, demonstrations, and employed the use of violence against dissenters. Hungary was in chaos and many in government were opposed to the Allies’ plans to redraw the country’s borders. At some point, Kun was asked to take part in a coalition government with the Social Democrats; his known ties to Soviet Russia were expected to be a useful card in negotiations with the Western allies. Kun promised that he could bring Russian support to a new Hungarian coalition government.
And here we see the truth illustrated in stark clarity once again: trying to appease or negotiate with SJW fanatics is a losing proposition. This proved to be the case with Kun in 1919. As the price for his support, Kun demanded the declaration of a Soviet republic in Hungary, as well as the domination of the Social Democrats by the communists. Like fools, the traditional forces of the old order allowed a snake to enter the tent; and once there, the snake quickly took over. The Hungarian Soviet Republic was declared in March 1919. Kun was the dominant force in the new government and immediately embarked on a radical program, such as the nationalization of all private property. He used gangs of thugs known as the “Lenin Boys” to murder and terrorize anyone who was thought to be insufficiently enthusiastic for the regime. All the usual Bolshevist apparatus was brought into Hungary: secret tribunals, secret police, and revolutionary “courts.”
But events would soon spiral out of control. Hungary became involved in border disputes, then open war, with Romania and Czechoslovakia. Romania then invaded Hungary and marched on Budapest, deposing Kun and his retinue of flunkies in August 1919. The government had lasted only 133 days. The Soviet Red Army in Russia, too preoccupied with its own problems, could do little but offer rhetorical support for Kun.
But Kun’s blood-stained career was not over. He was briefly interned in Vienna, but later released as part of a prisoner exchange; thereafter, he found his way back to Russia, where he could find additional opportunities to commit violence and atrocities against innocents. Kun participated in Russia’s civil war in the 1920s, and according to historians was directly responsible for the execution of about 50,000 White Russian prisoners and civilians (with the approval of Lenin). These were people who had been promised amnesty if they would surrender. Kun later took charge of the Crimea, and there he undertook a vigorous program of murder, torture, and mass deportations. It is estimated that he supervised the execution of 60,000 to 70,000 Crimean inhabitants.
For the rest of the 1920s, he worked as an agent of the Comintern, traveling around Europe and trying to foment revolutions. One he organized in Germany ended in complete failure (the “March Action” program). Thereafter his credibility in communist circles waned; he was arrested in Vienna and deported to Russia. There he spent his time denouncing former comrades and planning future projects.
But history seems to have a perverse sense of humor, and Kun would eventually see some measure of justice. The advent of Joseph Stalin changed the game in Russia; he distrusted foreign communists, especially those with ties to the old Bolsheviks. Around 1937, Kun was arrested, tortured, and shot by Stalin’s NKVD, for the stated reason of being a “counter-revolutionary terrorist.” So perished the diabolical and cruel engineer of the deaths of so many others, by the very hand of the people he had sought to elevate. There is a crude, but fitting, sort of justice in this outcome.
Readers may draw their own conclusions from the Bela Kun story, and what those lessons mean for the present day. At the very least, his career suggests the following: (1) making alliances with people of this sort is a useless exercise; (2) the vindictiveness and cruelty of such people cannot be underestimated; (3) physical force is often needed to confront them.
Quote of the Times;
“There is no excellent beauty, that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.” - Bacon
Link of the Times;
www.infowars.com/dakota-pipeline-protesters-leave-1-million-clean-up-bill-for-taxpayers/
The prostitute replies, "Well sailor, you're doing about three knots."
"Three knots?" he replies, "What the hell that’s supposed to mean?"
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in and you're knot getting your money back"
*.*
Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.
The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over her left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on her right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on her pubic area.
The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body.
He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it.
However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.
As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the woman's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an asshole under a Yankees cap."
*.*
Oneliners:
Earn cash in your spare time...blackmail friends.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
Overheard on the elevator: "Their marriage was going O.K. until they bought a water bed... then they started drifting apart."
Constant use will wear out anything... especially friends.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
*.*
Oregon Militia Bored With Lack Of Shock Or Awe
BURNS, Ore. — The small anti-government militia occupying a wildlife refuge building in Oregon has officially gotten so bored with the government’s tepid response and total lack of shock and/or awe that the members are now resorting to menial tasks such as filing paperwork to pass the time.
Ryan Bundy, a member of the militia, said that he really wishes his group had been mistaken for violent lunatics. “We were hoping to become martyrs on the battlefield of freedom, but instead we’re left here looking at piles of unfinished Wildlife Protection Applications,” stated Bundy. “Here we are, staring right into the eyes of the true evil of government: bureaucracy.”
People who are not really famous but do have access to Twitter accounts, such as Kevin M. Kruse, have been offering their own help in the form calling the group “terrorists.”
“We’re hoping that if we rally enough fear, we can get the whole militia wiped out as a human sacrifice for the furtherance of liberty,” Kruse said on Twitter. He declined to comment further, as he had already reached the character limit for a single post.
In the meantime, other y’all-Qaeda groups have rallied around the cause of occupying government buildings such as the VA, DMV, and Immigration Services. Because all of those government buildings have yet to see an employee return from the holiday break, not a single person has been held against his or her will, nor even found on-site.
Federal response to those Collation Forces has been equally dismissive, leading the rest of these would-be patriots to start taking serious action and processing the never-ending backlog of paperwork present.
At press time, the White House Press Secretary said that the members of Yokel Haram would be held accountable in due time. “Just as soon as we submit the proper applications to the Department of Homeland Security, we can start the necessary background checks on the militia to determine our eligibility to file a formal complaint against those religious extremists and their holy yeehawd,” Earnest announced.
*.*
About a week ago, I came across an internet advice column that told me how to eliminate the paperwork clutter on my desk.
GREAT!
So I printed out the five pages of how-to instructions, and placed them on top of the rest of the stuff on my desk. Now I can't find them.
Issue of the Times;
What We Must Learn From The Hungarian Communist Revolution Of 1919
The ancestors of todays SJWs showed their true colors.
Historians of twentieth century Europe, I have noticed, tend to gloss over or minimize the atrocities and crimes of leftists, anarchists, and communists. We hear constantly about the excesses of the right; and yet the left is portrayed as the perennial victim, never stepping beyond the boundaries of civilized conduct. And yet nothing could be further from the truth. The growth of the far right in Europe after the First World War was often traceable to the disorder, chaos, and fear generated by leftist and communist crimes. In country after country, the pattern was the same: outside agents or internal traitors seeking to destabilize the societies in which they lived.
The reader will perceive that there is a direct line of descent from the communist-Bolshevist agitators of yesteryear and the militant social justice warrior (SJW) of today. They are cats of the same stripe. Both of them sought to undermine and destroy the societies in which they lived, and did not care much how they went about doing it. We will now turn to an example, that of the communist revolution in 1919 Hungary. It was the second communist republic to come into existence, after Russia; and while its longevity was mercifully brief, its advent was marked by vindictive violence and bloodshed.
The author of the 1919 Hungarian revolution was a cunning, treacherous man named Bela Kun. His birth name was Bela Kohen or Kohn, and he was born in 1886 in what is now Lelei, Romania. Sometime around 1904 he changed his last name to Kun.
Before the First World War, he was engaged in work as a newspaper journalist in Austria-Hungary, much like the militant social justice warriors (SJWs) of today. He was known for his combative nature, and was apparently accused of embezzlement at one point. He served in the military forces of Austria-Hungary in the First World War, but was captured by the Russians in 1916. When Russia became convulsed in revolution in 1917-1918, he willingly allowed himself to become an agent of the Communist International. He was a committed communist and found its methods and promises attractive. He knew Lenin and approved of his brutal methods, and thought that exporting this brand of terror to the country of his birth would be a good thing
The Bolsheviks sent him back to Hungary in 1918 with a large sum of money and several hundred cadres for the specific purpose of undertaking a coup. In this he was greatly helped by the post-war dislocation and chaos caused by the collapse of the old monarchy. Like a plague bacillus, he and his followers sought to infect a weakened society with an evil ideology that cloaked itself in the language of liberation. His tactics were those of fear and intimidation: he and his group organized strikes, demonstrations, and employed the use of violence against dissenters. Hungary was in chaos and many in government were opposed to the Allies’ plans to redraw the country’s borders. At some point, Kun was asked to take part in a coalition government with the Social Democrats; his known ties to Soviet Russia were expected to be a useful card in negotiations with the Western allies. Kun promised that he could bring Russian support to a new Hungarian coalition government.
And here we see the truth illustrated in stark clarity once again: trying to appease or negotiate with SJW fanatics is a losing proposition. This proved to be the case with Kun in 1919. As the price for his support, Kun demanded the declaration of a Soviet republic in Hungary, as well as the domination of the Social Democrats by the communists. Like fools, the traditional forces of the old order allowed a snake to enter the tent; and once there, the snake quickly took over. The Hungarian Soviet Republic was declared in March 1919. Kun was the dominant force in the new government and immediately embarked on a radical program, such as the nationalization of all private property. He used gangs of thugs known as the “Lenin Boys” to murder and terrorize anyone who was thought to be insufficiently enthusiastic for the regime. All the usual Bolshevist apparatus was brought into Hungary: secret tribunals, secret police, and revolutionary “courts.”
But events would soon spiral out of control. Hungary became involved in border disputes, then open war, with Romania and Czechoslovakia. Romania then invaded Hungary and marched on Budapest, deposing Kun and his retinue of flunkies in August 1919. The government had lasted only 133 days. The Soviet Red Army in Russia, too preoccupied with its own problems, could do little but offer rhetorical support for Kun.
But Kun’s blood-stained career was not over. He was briefly interned in Vienna, but later released as part of a prisoner exchange; thereafter, he found his way back to Russia, where he could find additional opportunities to commit violence and atrocities against innocents. Kun participated in Russia’s civil war in the 1920s, and according to historians was directly responsible for the execution of about 50,000 White Russian prisoners and civilians (with the approval of Lenin). These were people who had been promised amnesty if they would surrender. Kun later took charge of the Crimea, and there he undertook a vigorous program of murder, torture, and mass deportations. It is estimated that he supervised the execution of 60,000 to 70,000 Crimean inhabitants.
For the rest of the 1920s, he worked as an agent of the Comintern, traveling around Europe and trying to foment revolutions. One he organized in Germany ended in complete failure (the “March Action” program). Thereafter his credibility in communist circles waned; he was arrested in Vienna and deported to Russia. There he spent his time denouncing former comrades and planning future projects.
But history seems to have a perverse sense of humor, and Kun would eventually see some measure of justice. The advent of Joseph Stalin changed the game in Russia; he distrusted foreign communists, especially those with ties to the old Bolsheviks. Around 1937, Kun was arrested, tortured, and shot by Stalin’s NKVD, for the stated reason of being a “counter-revolutionary terrorist.” So perished the diabolical and cruel engineer of the deaths of so many others, by the very hand of the people he had sought to elevate. There is a crude, but fitting, sort of justice in this outcome.
Readers may draw their own conclusions from the Bela Kun story, and what those lessons mean for the present day. At the very least, his career suggests the following: (1) making alliances with people of this sort is a useless exercise; (2) the vindictiveness and cruelty of such people cannot be underestimated; (3) physical force is often needed to confront them.
Quote of the Times;
“There is no excellent beauty, that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.” - Bacon
Link of the Times;
www.infowars.com/dakota-pipeline-protesters-leave-1-million-clean-up-bill-for-taxpayers/
Ham?
Get Ready To Completely Change The Way You Perceived The World
Pin Number - ATM pins were originally supposed to have six digits. The inventor changed it to four digits, however, because his wife claimed she could only remember that many numbers.
Padlock Hole - Have you ever wondered why there's a hole on the bottom of padlocks? Well, it's there to let water drain out of the lock when it's being used outdoors. This way, the lock won't rust from rain or freeze from cold weather.
Mattress Bugs - In a course of ten years, an average mattress doubles in weight. All that extra weight comes from an accumulation of dust mite poop and dust mites. Invest in a new bed as often as possible!
T-shirt - Originally invented all the way back in 1904 for bachelors who didn't have a wife or any sewing skills.
Wine and Champagne Bottle Indentations - The indentations on the bottom of wine and champagne bottles are there to help evenly distribute the pressure of the contents inside the bottle.
Sugar Free Fib - Tic Tac's claim to be sugar-free when they're actually 98% made of sugar. The FDA doesn't let food label themselves as "sugar-free," unless they have less than .5 grams of sugar per serving. A typical serving size of a Tic Tac is .49 grams.
Germs - Wearing a ring can be more unsanitary than you think. The number of germs living beneath the ring you're wearing could be equivalent to the entire population of Europe, which is about 730 million.
Salting Pineapple - Although it sounds weird, adding salt to a pineapple makes it taste sweeter. Don't knock it until you try it.
Fire Hydrant Patent - The owner of the patent for fire hydrants is actually unknown due to the patent office where the records were being held burning down.
Gross Office Desk - It's time to start wiping down your office desk more often. The average office desk has over 400 times more bacteria than an average toilet.
M&M's Origin - Did you know that M&M's were originally created for soldiers in World War II. They were made so that soldiers could carry around chocolate that didn't melt in hot weather.
Zipper Injuries - These injuries happen more often than you think. To be exact, approximately 20,000 folks go to the ER each year for these zipper-involved genital injuries.
Decreased Life Expectancy - If a person watches 2 hours of television a day, it decreases his or her life expectancy by 1.4 years. Time to watch less tv and save some electricity!
Barbie's Last Name - Not only does Barbie have a last name, but a middle name as well. Her full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
Chainsaws - These were originally invented to serve as a surgical instrument for assisting in childbirth. It was used in symphysiotomy, a procedure that widens the pelvis.
Bee Orgasm - The male honey bee solely exists to mate with the queen bee. Once the male bee has an orgasm, his testicle explodes and he dies.
*.*
I've decided to dedicate my body to a medical school, and just before I die, I'm going to swallow a little plastic toy.
That way, the medical student who cuts me open will get a nice surprise.
I just hope the other medical students aren't sad because they didn't get a toy with their cadaver, too.
*.*
This young Indian kid was being fired.
He said to the shop foreman: "This is bullshit, you're firing me because I'm Indian!"
The boss said, "No, get this straight, we hired you because you were an Indian.
We're getting rid of you because you’re fucking useless!"
*.*
The British:
British Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. Starting next week, all forms will be printed in English.
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of dickheads saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist tw#ts. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time . . .
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.
"Morning." I said.
"No" he replied, "just having a pee."
A Scottish pedophile has raised a dispute with eBay. He claims that the Wii Game Boy he received isn't what he was expecting.
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it!
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'
*.*
A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said . . . 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humor, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
Issue of the Times;
The Meaning of Life is a Ham Sandwich by Mark Manson
You know the question. It’s the ultimate question. The question that you and I and everyone has laid awake at night thinking about. The question that brings equal parts wonder and terror to our feeble minds. Why are we here? What is the point of it all? What is the meaning of life?
Well, fortunately, I figured it out while I was at the gym this morning. I’m pretty sure it’s a ham sandwich. And no, I’m not saying that just because I’m hungry. There’s an explanation here. I’m going to explain it, clickbait titles and all, in, oh, the next eight minutes or so.
First off, before we can even appropriately ask “What is the meaning of life?” we must first settle something more subtle and something more important. Namely, what is meaning?
WHAT IS MEANING? (AND OTHER QUESTIONS THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FACE)
What is meaning? That may strike you as terribly navel-gazey and ultra-philosophical. And if that’s the case, I invite you to think about ham sandwiches for a moment, and just stick with me for a minute. Because it’s important.
What does it mean for something to mean something? As humans, we have a constant need to attach meaning to everything that happens in our lives.
My mom hugs me, that must mean that she loves me. My boss complimented me, that must mean I do good work. It’s going to be sunny tomorrow, that must mean I can wear my super-cool SpongeBob tank top to school.
Meaning is the association that we draw between two experiences or events in our minds. X happens, then Y happens, so we assume that means X causes Y. Z happens, and we get really bummed out and feel awful, therefore we assume that Z sucks.
Our brains invent meaning the way dogs shit — they do it gleefully and not even realizing that they’re ruining the carpet. Our brains invent meaning as a way to explain all the crazy shit that is going on in the world around us. This is important, as it helps us predict and control our lives.
But let’s be real: meaning is an arbitrary mental construct. Fifty people can watch the exact same event and draw fifty different meanings from said event. That’s why there’s so much arguing in politics. That’s why eyewitnesses are so unreliable in court. That’s why your friends are sometimes the biggest assholes — because that meaning you just shared, to them, meant something completely different.
Our brains slap together two different types of meaning:
Cause/Effect Meaning: You kick the ball, the ball moves. You tell your friend his hair is ugly, your friend slaps you in the face. You do X, and with reliable certainty, Y will result.
We all need Cause/Effect meaning to survive. It helps us predict the future and learn from the past. Cause/Effect meaning primarily involves the logical parts of our brain. Science, for instance, is the constant search of more and more Cause/Effect Meaning.
Better/Worse Meaning: Eating is better than starving. Making money is better than being broke. Sharing is better than stealing. Better/Worse meaning has to do with the nature of our values — what we perceive to be most important and useful in our lives.
Better/Worse meaning relies mostly on the emotional parts of our brains. Generally what makes us feel good is what we immediately assume to be “good” or “better.”
Both forms of meaning evolved in our brains to help us survive. For thousands of years, humans needed to remember where certain food could be found, how various animals would respond when hunted, how weather patterns change and how to read the terrain. They also needed to know what would gain them acceptance within their tribe, what would curry favor from friends and earn approval from that sexy guy/gal in the loin cloth over yonder.
So in that sense, meaning is nature’s tool for motivation. It’s how evolution made sure we got shit done. Meaning drives all of our actions. When there is great meaning attached to something, like our child is sick and starving, we will go to insane lengths to make things right. People will often even go as far as to give up their lives for some grand sense of meaning (see: religion, every war ever). Meaning is that effective at moving people.
Conversely, when we feel we lack meaning in our lives, when shit just doesn’t seem to matter, when there’s no clarity on how or why things happen to us, we do nothing. We sit on the couch and twiddle our thumbs and watch lame reruns while complaining on the internet about lame reruns.
But here’s the kicker (and I swear I’m going to get to the ham sandwich): meaning is a resource that we must cultivate in our lives.
Meaning is not something that exists outside of ourselves. It is not some cosmic universal truth waiting to be discovered. It is not some grand ‘eureka’ moment that will change our lives forever.
Meaning requires action. Meaning is something that we must continually find and nurture. Consistently.
Meaning is like the water of our psychological health. Without it, our hearts and minds will shrivel and die. And like water, meaning flows through us — what is important today is not what was important years ago; and what is important tomorrow will not be the same as what is important today. Meaning must be sought out and replenished frequently.
In a very real sense, the meaning of life is therefore to create meaning.
So how does one create meaning? Two ways:
Solve Problems. The bigger the problem, the more meaning one will feel. The more work you do towards that problem, also the more meaning you will feel. Solving problems basically means finding ways to make the world a slightly better place. Can be as simple fixing up your aging mother’s dilapidated house. Or as complex as working on the new great breakthrough in physics.
The point here is not to be picky. It’s easy, when we start thinking of how insignificant we are on a cosmic scale of the universe, to start thinking there’s no point in doing anything unless we’re going to save the world or something. This is just a distraction. There are tons of small, everyday problems going on around you that need your attention. Start giving it.
Help Others. This is the biggie. As humans, we’re wired to thrive on our relationships. Studies show that our overall well-being is deeply tied to the quality of our relationships, and the best way to build healthy relationships is through helping others. In fact, some studies have even found that giving stuff away makes us happier than giving stuff to ourselves. Go figure.
As such, it seems to be a “hack” in our brains that helping out other people gives us a greater sense of meaning and purpose. Just the fact you can say to yourself, “If I died, then someone is better off because I lived,” creates that sense of meaning that can propel you forward.
THE TRAP OF SETTING GOALS
A lot of people find meaning through setting goals for themselves. They want the corner office, the big car, the fancy-pants shoes. It gives them a reason to wake up in the morning, a reason to bust their ass at work. It gives them something that makes them feel important and something to look forward to every day.
But goals are a double-edged sword. You have to be careful.
Goals are good tools for building motivation. The problem is that, by themselves, they are arbitrary and empty.
Unless there’s a why behind the goal full of meaning, the goal itself will provide little long-term happiness or satisfaction.
Ever see star athletes flounder after retirement? Or a guy who finally made his millions become deeply miserable because he doesn’t know what else to do with his life?
Goals are dangerous because the meaning they provide when you’re working towards them is the meaning that is taken away once you achieve them.
This is why all the superficial stuff like make a billion dollars, or own a Rolls Royce, or get your face plastered on the cover of a magazine all lead to a type of happiness that is shallow and short-lived — because the meaning is shallow and short-lived.
There has to be a deeper reason for your goals. Otherwise, the goals themselves will be empty and worthless in the long-run.
Notice that it’s the athletes who aspire to be the best at their sport for some greater reason — to build a charity, to start a business, to transition into another career — who handle retirement the best. Notice it’s the millionaires who spent their life working towards a deeper cause that remain content once all of their goals are checked off the checklist.
But some goals don’t even have to be big and sexy.
Take a ham sandwich. I sat down to write this article hungry. That’s a problem in my life. And I promised myself I’d pump out this draft before going and making myself a sandwich. That gave this hour some extra meaning.
And you know what? Maybe my wife’s hungry and I can make her one too. You know, make the world a better place and all that shit while I’m at it.
So what’s the meaning of life? Well, for me, right now, it’s a ham sandwich. What will yours be?
Quote of the Times;
"Force is among the most simple-minded, and hence primitive and unrefined, reactions that we hairless apes resort to. And it is nothing less than sadly astonishing that some of the most prominent enemies of peaceful commerce and voluntary cooperation have become known as “Progressives.” “Progressives'” first and overriding instinct whenever they encounter some economic or social situation that they disapprove of is to forcibly push, pull, demand, and prohibit individuals who are going peacefully about their own business to behave in ways that “Progressives” have divined is best." - Boudreaux
Link of the Times;
https://angrystaffofficer.com/
Pin Number - ATM pins were originally supposed to have six digits. The inventor changed it to four digits, however, because his wife claimed she could only remember that many numbers.
Padlock Hole - Have you ever wondered why there's a hole on the bottom of padlocks? Well, it's there to let water drain out of the lock when it's being used outdoors. This way, the lock won't rust from rain or freeze from cold weather.
Mattress Bugs - In a course of ten years, an average mattress doubles in weight. All that extra weight comes from an accumulation of dust mite poop and dust mites. Invest in a new bed as often as possible!
T-shirt - Originally invented all the way back in 1904 for bachelors who didn't have a wife or any sewing skills.
Wine and Champagne Bottle Indentations - The indentations on the bottom of wine and champagne bottles are there to help evenly distribute the pressure of the contents inside the bottle.
Sugar Free Fib - Tic Tac's claim to be sugar-free when they're actually 98% made of sugar. The FDA doesn't let food label themselves as "sugar-free," unless they have less than .5 grams of sugar per serving. A typical serving size of a Tic Tac is .49 grams.
Germs - Wearing a ring can be more unsanitary than you think. The number of germs living beneath the ring you're wearing could be equivalent to the entire population of Europe, which is about 730 million.
Salting Pineapple - Although it sounds weird, adding salt to a pineapple makes it taste sweeter. Don't knock it until you try it.
Fire Hydrant Patent - The owner of the patent for fire hydrants is actually unknown due to the patent office where the records were being held burning down.
Gross Office Desk - It's time to start wiping down your office desk more often. The average office desk has over 400 times more bacteria than an average toilet.
M&M's Origin - Did you know that M&M's were originally created for soldiers in World War II. They were made so that soldiers could carry around chocolate that didn't melt in hot weather.
Zipper Injuries - These injuries happen more often than you think. To be exact, approximately 20,000 folks go to the ER each year for these zipper-involved genital injuries.
Decreased Life Expectancy - If a person watches 2 hours of television a day, it decreases his or her life expectancy by 1.4 years. Time to watch less tv and save some electricity!
Barbie's Last Name - Not only does Barbie have a last name, but a middle name as well. Her full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
Chainsaws - These were originally invented to serve as a surgical instrument for assisting in childbirth. It was used in symphysiotomy, a procedure that widens the pelvis.
Bee Orgasm - The male honey bee solely exists to mate with the queen bee. Once the male bee has an orgasm, his testicle explodes and he dies.
*.*
I've decided to dedicate my body to a medical school, and just before I die, I'm going to swallow a little plastic toy.
That way, the medical student who cuts me open will get a nice surprise.
I just hope the other medical students aren't sad because they didn't get a toy with their cadaver, too.
*.*
This young Indian kid was being fired.
He said to the shop foreman: "This is bullshit, you're firing me because I'm Indian!"
The boss said, "No, get this straight, we hired you because you were an Indian.
We're getting rid of you because you’re fucking useless!"
*.*
The British:
British Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. Starting next week, all forms will be printed in English.
When I was in the pub I heard a couple of dickheads saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. What a pair of sexist tw#ts. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!
Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time . . .
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.
"Morning." I said.
"No" he replied, "just having a pee."
A Scottish pedophile has raised a dispute with eBay. He claims that the Wii Game Boy he received isn't what he was expecting.
I got some new aftershave today that smells like breadcrumbs. The birds love it!
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'
*.*
A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said . . . 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humor, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.'
Issue of the Times;
The Meaning of Life is a Ham Sandwich by Mark Manson
You know the question. It’s the ultimate question. The question that you and I and everyone has laid awake at night thinking about. The question that brings equal parts wonder and terror to our feeble minds. Why are we here? What is the point of it all? What is the meaning of life?
Well, fortunately, I figured it out while I was at the gym this morning. I’m pretty sure it’s a ham sandwich. And no, I’m not saying that just because I’m hungry. There’s an explanation here. I’m going to explain it, clickbait titles and all, in, oh, the next eight minutes or so.
First off, before we can even appropriately ask “What is the meaning of life?” we must first settle something more subtle and something more important. Namely, what is meaning?
WHAT IS MEANING? (AND OTHER QUESTIONS THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE FACE)
What is meaning? That may strike you as terribly navel-gazey and ultra-philosophical. And if that’s the case, I invite you to think about ham sandwiches for a moment, and just stick with me for a minute. Because it’s important.
What does it mean for something to mean something? As humans, we have a constant need to attach meaning to everything that happens in our lives.
My mom hugs me, that must mean that she loves me. My boss complimented me, that must mean I do good work. It’s going to be sunny tomorrow, that must mean I can wear my super-cool SpongeBob tank top to school.
Meaning is the association that we draw between two experiences or events in our minds. X happens, then Y happens, so we assume that means X causes Y. Z happens, and we get really bummed out and feel awful, therefore we assume that Z sucks.
Our brains invent meaning the way dogs shit — they do it gleefully and not even realizing that they’re ruining the carpet. Our brains invent meaning as a way to explain all the crazy shit that is going on in the world around us. This is important, as it helps us predict and control our lives.
But let’s be real: meaning is an arbitrary mental construct. Fifty people can watch the exact same event and draw fifty different meanings from said event. That’s why there’s so much arguing in politics. That’s why eyewitnesses are so unreliable in court. That’s why your friends are sometimes the biggest assholes — because that meaning you just shared, to them, meant something completely different.
Our brains slap together two different types of meaning:
Cause/Effect Meaning: You kick the ball, the ball moves. You tell your friend his hair is ugly, your friend slaps you in the face. You do X, and with reliable certainty, Y will result.
We all need Cause/Effect meaning to survive. It helps us predict the future and learn from the past. Cause/Effect meaning primarily involves the logical parts of our brain. Science, for instance, is the constant search of more and more Cause/Effect Meaning.
Better/Worse Meaning: Eating is better than starving. Making money is better than being broke. Sharing is better than stealing. Better/Worse meaning has to do with the nature of our values — what we perceive to be most important and useful in our lives.
Better/Worse meaning relies mostly on the emotional parts of our brains. Generally what makes us feel good is what we immediately assume to be “good” or “better.”
Both forms of meaning evolved in our brains to help us survive. For thousands of years, humans needed to remember where certain food could be found, how various animals would respond when hunted, how weather patterns change and how to read the terrain. They also needed to know what would gain them acceptance within their tribe, what would curry favor from friends and earn approval from that sexy guy/gal in the loin cloth over yonder.
So in that sense, meaning is nature’s tool for motivation. It’s how evolution made sure we got shit done. Meaning drives all of our actions. When there is great meaning attached to something, like our child is sick and starving, we will go to insane lengths to make things right. People will often even go as far as to give up their lives for some grand sense of meaning (see: religion, every war ever). Meaning is that effective at moving people.
Conversely, when we feel we lack meaning in our lives, when shit just doesn’t seem to matter, when there’s no clarity on how or why things happen to us, we do nothing. We sit on the couch and twiddle our thumbs and watch lame reruns while complaining on the internet about lame reruns.
But here’s the kicker (and I swear I’m going to get to the ham sandwich): meaning is a resource that we must cultivate in our lives.
Meaning is not something that exists outside of ourselves. It is not some cosmic universal truth waiting to be discovered. It is not some grand ‘eureka’ moment that will change our lives forever.
Meaning requires action. Meaning is something that we must continually find and nurture. Consistently.
Meaning is like the water of our psychological health. Without it, our hearts and minds will shrivel and die. And like water, meaning flows through us — what is important today is not what was important years ago; and what is important tomorrow will not be the same as what is important today. Meaning must be sought out and replenished frequently.
In a very real sense, the meaning of life is therefore to create meaning.
So how does one create meaning? Two ways:
Solve Problems. The bigger the problem, the more meaning one will feel. The more work you do towards that problem, also the more meaning you will feel. Solving problems basically means finding ways to make the world a slightly better place. Can be as simple fixing up your aging mother’s dilapidated house. Or as complex as working on the new great breakthrough in physics.
The point here is not to be picky. It’s easy, when we start thinking of how insignificant we are on a cosmic scale of the universe, to start thinking there’s no point in doing anything unless we’re going to save the world or something. This is just a distraction. There are tons of small, everyday problems going on around you that need your attention. Start giving it.
Help Others. This is the biggie. As humans, we’re wired to thrive on our relationships. Studies show that our overall well-being is deeply tied to the quality of our relationships, and the best way to build healthy relationships is through helping others. In fact, some studies have even found that giving stuff away makes us happier than giving stuff to ourselves. Go figure.
As such, it seems to be a “hack” in our brains that helping out other people gives us a greater sense of meaning and purpose. Just the fact you can say to yourself, “If I died, then someone is better off because I lived,” creates that sense of meaning that can propel you forward.
THE TRAP OF SETTING GOALS
A lot of people find meaning through setting goals for themselves. They want the corner office, the big car, the fancy-pants shoes. It gives them a reason to wake up in the morning, a reason to bust their ass at work. It gives them something that makes them feel important and something to look forward to every day.
But goals are a double-edged sword. You have to be careful.
Goals are good tools for building motivation. The problem is that, by themselves, they are arbitrary and empty.
Unless there’s a why behind the goal full of meaning, the goal itself will provide little long-term happiness or satisfaction.
Ever see star athletes flounder after retirement? Or a guy who finally made his millions become deeply miserable because he doesn’t know what else to do with his life?
Goals are dangerous because the meaning they provide when you’re working towards them is the meaning that is taken away once you achieve them.
This is why all the superficial stuff like make a billion dollars, or own a Rolls Royce, or get your face plastered on the cover of a magazine all lead to a type of happiness that is shallow and short-lived — because the meaning is shallow and short-lived.
There has to be a deeper reason for your goals. Otherwise, the goals themselves will be empty and worthless in the long-run.
Notice that it’s the athletes who aspire to be the best at their sport for some greater reason — to build a charity, to start a business, to transition into another career — who handle retirement the best. Notice it’s the millionaires who spent their life working towards a deeper cause that remain content once all of their goals are checked off the checklist.
But some goals don’t even have to be big and sexy.
Take a ham sandwich. I sat down to write this article hungry. That’s a problem in my life. And I promised myself I’d pump out this draft before going and making myself a sandwich. That gave this hour some extra meaning.
And you know what? Maybe my wife’s hungry and I can make her one too. You know, make the world a better place and all that shit while I’m at it.
So what’s the meaning of life? Well, for me, right now, it’s a ham sandwich. What will yours be?
Quote of the Times;
"Force is among the most simple-minded, and hence primitive and unrefined, reactions that we hairless apes resort to. And it is nothing less than sadly astonishing that some of the most prominent enemies of peaceful commerce and voluntary cooperation have become known as “Progressives.” “Progressives'” first and overriding instinct whenever they encounter some economic or social situation that they disapprove of is to forcibly push, pull, demand, and prohibit individuals who are going peacefully about their own business to behave in ways that “Progressives” have divined is best." - Boudreaux
Link of the Times;
https://angrystaffofficer.com/
Alesci?
WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED:
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never get pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
*.*
While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?
"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I'm thinking 'bout switching back to paper
*.*
Syrian Refugees Relieved Not To Be Sent To Detroit
LANSING, Mich — Nearly 10,000 refugees arriving in the United States over the next 11 months were relieved to learn that they would not be sent to Detroit, sources report.
Michigan Governor Rick Snyder suspended efforts to relocate Syrians displaced by the country’s civil war earlier this week “until a more reasonable and humane solution” could be found.
“They have already been through so much,” Snyder told the Detroit Free Press. “To be sent to another city in ruins with a corrupt and ineffectual government seems like a cruel joke.”
The city, while boasting the title “Most Dangerous City in America” for three years running, is still statistically safer than Syria. However, refugees have their heart set on “The American Dream” and will settle for nothing less.
“At first I was excited to learn about Detroit’s ‘lions’ and ‘tigers,'” said Eid Al Fayez from his tent in Turkey’s Nizip Refugee Camp, who reportedly ate the Al-Qarya al-Shama Zoo’s lions to survive. “But then I found out they were perennially underachieving sports teams.”
“If I wanted to be disappointed every year then I would have stayed in Syria and waited for the developed world to come to our rescue,” he added.
While there is hope for incoming refugees, there are still concerns for the nearly 20 Syrians who arrived in Detroit before Snyder suspended the relocation effort. According to the US Department of State’s Bureau of Population, Refugees, and Migration (PRM), there is no reason to worry. PRM indicated nearly all of the registered refugees reported in interviews that their situation is “mostly better, kind of,” than living in a war zone.
“I’ll admit, when I looked down from the airplane as we were arriving to Detroit, I thought someone played a joke and flew us back to Raqqa,” Suheimat admitted.
*.*
Little Johnny's father took his small son to the zoo.
They were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Johnny's father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and little Johnny was taking it all in with a serious expression.
"Dad," Johnny said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up..."
"Yes, son?" Little Johnny's father said expectantly.
Johnny continued, "...what bus should I take home?"
*.*
BERLIN (Reuters) - A 53-year-old German woman who was driving her dead mother across country to save on mortuary transportation costs was fined by police for disturbing a dead person's peace.
"You're not allowed to transport dead people in your private car," said Ralf Schomisch, police spokesman in Koblenz, where the car was found after a tip-off from a mortuary.
"The corpse was on the back seat without a seat belt, which is clearly dangerous. These kinds of safety oversights result in fatalities, as is evident in this case."
Only in Germany....
Issue of the Times;
CNN’s Clinton Cash ‘Fact-Check’ Ends in Embarrassment for Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel by Ezra Dulis
CNN Money’s “fact-checkers” Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel ended up with egg on their faces on Wednesday after they rated as “false” a well-established and proven Clinton Cash fact involving Hillary Clinton’s State Dept. approving the transfer of 20 percent of U.S. uranium to the Russian government, as nine investors in the deal funneled $145 million to the Clinton Foundation.
Under the guise of “fact-checking” Donald Trump’s Wednesday speech, Alesci and Frankel purported to verify whether “Clinton’s State Department approved the transfer of 20% of America’s uranium holdings to Russia while nine investors in the deal funneled $145 million to the Clinton Foundation.”
Alesci (pictured, right) and Frankel (left) rate the claim as “false” and allege “there’s no hard evidence of a quid pro quo.” The CNN Money “reporters” also conceded that “CNN several times has asked the Clinton Foundation to confirm whether the nine investors who benefited from the deal also contributed to the foundation, but the foundation has yet to respond.”
Why Alesci and Frankel couldn’t confirm the $145 million in Clinton Foundation donations for themselves is curious. Indeed, in a 4,000-word front page story written over a year ago, the New York Times’ Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist Jo Becker and Mike McIntire verified the Clinton Cash uranium revelation in stunning detail, including charts and graphs laying out the flow of millions of dollars from the nine investors in the uranium deal who flowed $145 million to Hillary’s family foundation. Since Alesci and Frankel appear unable to perform basic journalistic research, here are the names and amounts they are still waiting on the Clinton Foundation to get back to them on:
Frank Giustra, Canadian mining magnate who created a company that later merged with UraniumOne, gave $31.3 million and a pledge for $100 million to the Clinton Foundation
Frank Holmes, a shareholder in the deal who donated between $250,000 and $500,000 (the Clinton Foundation doesn’t report exact amounts, only in ranges) and is a Clinton Foundation adviser
Neil Woodyer, Frank Giustra’s colleague who founded Endeavor Financial and pledged $500,000 as well as promises of “ongoing financial support”
Robert Disbrow, a Haywood Securities broker, the firm that provided “$58 million in capital to float shares of UrAsia’s private placement,” gave the Clinton’s family foundation between $1 and $5 million, according to Clinton Cash
Paul Reynolds, a Canaccord Capital Inc., executive who donated between $1 million and $5 million. “The UrAsia deal was the largest in Canaccord’s history,” reports Schweizer
Robert Cross, a major shareholder who serves as UrAsia Energy Director who pledged portions of his future income to the Clinton Foundation
Egizio Blanchini, “the Capital Markets vice chair and Global cohead of BMO’s Global Metals and Mining group, had also been an underwriter on the mining deals. BMO paid $600,000 for two tables at the CGS-GI’s March 2008 benefit”
Sergei Kurzin, the Russian rainmaker involved in the Kazakhstan uranium deal and a shareholder in UrAsia Energy, also pledged $1 million to the Foundation
Uranium One chairman Ian Telfer committed $2.35 million
Alesci and Frankel claim there’s “no hard evidence of a quid pro quo.” Naturally, they fail to note that the legal standard for conflicts of interest and corruption do not require a quid pro quo. Nor do they note that Hillary Clinton deleted and destroyed over 30,000 emails housed on her secret server—the obvious location of any so-called “smoking guns.”
Still, the CNN Money “fact-checkers” correctly note that “the State Department was one of several agencies that needed to sign off on the transaction.” Indeed, the Committee on Foreign Investments in the United States (CFIUS) has nine members, one of which is the State Dept. Yet through willful ignorance or an unusual lack of journalistic curiosity, Alesci and Frankel didn’t think to ask the obvious: which of the eight other agency heads needed to approve the deal were receiving $145 million to their family’s charity at the time of such a pivotal decision? And did Hillary Clinton’s State Department report the glaring conflict of interest before granting its approval of handing over 20 percent of American uranium to Putin’s Russia? Why didn’t Hillary Clinton recuse her agency from voting, knowing that her charity was receiving $145 million from nine investors in the deal?
Those questions apparently did not occur to Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel.
Also, in addition to the $145 million being funneled to the Clinton Foundation before the CFIUS approval, why was a Kremlin-backed bank bankrolling a $500,000 speech in Moscow for Bill Clinton while his wife led the Russian reset? As even the progressive New Yorker magazine put it, “But there is a bigger question: Why was Bill Clinton taking any money from a bank linked to the Kremlin while his wife was Secretary of State?” Shockingly, CNN Money fact-checkers Alesci and Frankel make no mention of the Kremlin-backed $500,000 Clinton speaking payment.
Nor did CNN’s crack “fact-checkers” mention that the Clinton Foundation received $2.35 million in hidden, undisclosed donations from Ian Telfer, the former head of the Russian government’s uranium company—another fact that multiple liberal news outlets have confirmed.
Indeed, as Bloomberg, Washington Post, New Yorker, ABC News, New York Times, and myriad other Establishment media have all confirmed, Clinton Cash’s most explosive revelations are accurate.
Apparently, CNN’s Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel are among the last to know.
Quote of the Times;
“Everything we do affects other people.”
Link of the Times;
http://www.infowars.com/report-three-syrian-refugees-rape-little-girl-at-knifepoint-in-idaho/
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never get pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
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While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?
"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I'm thinking 'bout switching back to paper
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Syrian Refugees Relieved Not To Be Sent To Detroit
LANSING, Mich — Nearly 10,000 refugees arriving in the United States over the next 11 months were relieved to learn that they would not be sent to Detroit, sources report.
Michigan Governor Rick Snyder suspended efforts to relocate Syrians displaced by the country’s civil war earlier this week “until a more reasonable and humane solution” could be found.
“They have already been through so much,” Snyder told the Detroit Free Press. “To be sent to another city in ruins with a corrupt and ineffectual government seems like a cruel joke.”
The city, while boasting the title “Most Dangerous City in America” for three years running, is still statistically safer than Syria. However, refugees have their heart set on “The American Dream” and will settle for nothing less.
“At first I was excited to learn about Detroit’s ‘lions’ and ‘tigers,'” said Eid Al Fayez from his tent in Turkey’s Nizip Refugee Camp, who reportedly ate the Al-Qarya al-Shama Zoo’s lions to survive. “But then I found out they were perennially underachieving sports teams.”
“If I wanted to be disappointed every year then I would have stayed in Syria and waited for the developed world to come to our rescue,” he added.
While there is hope for incoming refugees, there are still concerns for the nearly 20 Syrians who arrived in Detroit before Snyder suspended the relocation effort. According to the US Department of State’s Bureau of Population, Refugees, and Migration (PRM), there is no reason to worry. PRM indicated nearly all of the registered refugees reported in interviews that their situation is “mostly better, kind of,” than living in a war zone.
“I’ll admit, when I looked down from the airplane as we were arriving to Detroit, I thought someone played a joke and flew us back to Raqqa,” Suheimat admitted.
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Little Johnny's father took his small son to the zoo.
They were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Johnny's father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and little Johnny was taking it all in with a serious expression.
"Dad," Johnny said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up..."
"Yes, son?" Little Johnny's father said expectantly.
Johnny continued, "...what bus should I take home?"
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BERLIN (Reuters) - A 53-year-old German woman who was driving her dead mother across country to save on mortuary transportation costs was fined by police for disturbing a dead person's peace.
"You're not allowed to transport dead people in your private car," said Ralf Schomisch, police spokesman in Koblenz, where the car was found after a tip-off from a mortuary.
"The corpse was on the back seat without a seat belt, which is clearly dangerous. These kinds of safety oversights result in fatalities, as is evident in this case."
Only in Germany....
Issue of the Times;
CNN’s Clinton Cash ‘Fact-Check’ Ends in Embarrassment for Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel by Ezra Dulis
CNN Money’s “fact-checkers” Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel ended up with egg on their faces on Wednesday after they rated as “false” a well-established and proven Clinton Cash fact involving Hillary Clinton’s State Dept. approving the transfer of 20 percent of U.S. uranium to the Russian government, as nine investors in the deal funneled $145 million to the Clinton Foundation.
Under the guise of “fact-checking” Donald Trump’s Wednesday speech, Alesci and Frankel purported to verify whether “Clinton’s State Department approved the transfer of 20% of America’s uranium holdings to Russia while nine investors in the deal funneled $145 million to the Clinton Foundation.”
Alesci (pictured, right) and Frankel (left) rate the claim as “false” and allege “there’s no hard evidence of a quid pro quo.” The CNN Money “reporters” also conceded that “CNN several times has asked the Clinton Foundation to confirm whether the nine investors who benefited from the deal also contributed to the foundation, but the foundation has yet to respond.”
Why Alesci and Frankel couldn’t confirm the $145 million in Clinton Foundation donations for themselves is curious. Indeed, in a 4,000-word front page story written over a year ago, the New York Times’ Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist Jo Becker and Mike McIntire verified the Clinton Cash uranium revelation in stunning detail, including charts and graphs laying out the flow of millions of dollars from the nine investors in the uranium deal who flowed $145 million to Hillary’s family foundation. Since Alesci and Frankel appear unable to perform basic journalistic research, here are the names and amounts they are still waiting on the Clinton Foundation to get back to them on:
Frank Giustra, Canadian mining magnate who created a company that later merged with UraniumOne, gave $31.3 million and a pledge for $100 million to the Clinton Foundation
Frank Holmes, a shareholder in the deal who donated between $250,000 and $500,000 (the Clinton Foundation doesn’t report exact amounts, only in ranges) and is a Clinton Foundation adviser
Neil Woodyer, Frank Giustra’s colleague who founded Endeavor Financial and pledged $500,000 as well as promises of “ongoing financial support”
Robert Disbrow, a Haywood Securities broker, the firm that provided “$58 million in capital to float shares of UrAsia’s private placement,” gave the Clinton’s family foundation between $1 and $5 million, according to Clinton Cash
Paul Reynolds, a Canaccord Capital Inc., executive who donated between $1 million and $5 million. “The UrAsia deal was the largest in Canaccord’s history,” reports Schweizer
Robert Cross, a major shareholder who serves as UrAsia Energy Director who pledged portions of his future income to the Clinton Foundation
Egizio Blanchini, “the Capital Markets vice chair and Global cohead of BMO’s Global Metals and Mining group, had also been an underwriter on the mining deals. BMO paid $600,000 for two tables at the CGS-GI’s March 2008 benefit”
Sergei Kurzin, the Russian rainmaker involved in the Kazakhstan uranium deal and a shareholder in UrAsia Energy, also pledged $1 million to the Foundation
Uranium One chairman Ian Telfer committed $2.35 million
Alesci and Frankel claim there’s “no hard evidence of a quid pro quo.” Naturally, they fail to note that the legal standard for conflicts of interest and corruption do not require a quid pro quo. Nor do they note that Hillary Clinton deleted and destroyed over 30,000 emails housed on her secret server—the obvious location of any so-called “smoking guns.”
Still, the CNN Money “fact-checkers” correctly note that “the State Department was one of several agencies that needed to sign off on the transaction.” Indeed, the Committee on Foreign Investments in the United States (CFIUS) has nine members, one of which is the State Dept. Yet through willful ignorance or an unusual lack of journalistic curiosity, Alesci and Frankel didn’t think to ask the obvious: which of the eight other agency heads needed to approve the deal were receiving $145 million to their family’s charity at the time of such a pivotal decision? And did Hillary Clinton’s State Department report the glaring conflict of interest before granting its approval of handing over 20 percent of American uranium to Putin’s Russia? Why didn’t Hillary Clinton recuse her agency from voting, knowing that her charity was receiving $145 million from nine investors in the deal?
Those questions apparently did not occur to Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel.
Also, in addition to the $145 million being funneled to the Clinton Foundation before the CFIUS approval, why was a Kremlin-backed bank bankrolling a $500,000 speech in Moscow for Bill Clinton while his wife led the Russian reset? As even the progressive New Yorker magazine put it, “But there is a bigger question: Why was Bill Clinton taking any money from a bank linked to the Kremlin while his wife was Secretary of State?” Shockingly, CNN Money fact-checkers Alesci and Frankel make no mention of the Kremlin-backed $500,000 Clinton speaking payment.
Nor did CNN’s crack “fact-checkers” mention that the Clinton Foundation received $2.35 million in hidden, undisclosed donations from Ian Telfer, the former head of the Russian government’s uranium company—another fact that multiple liberal news outlets have confirmed.
Indeed, as Bloomberg, Washington Post, New Yorker, ABC News, New York Times, and myriad other Establishment media have all confirmed, Clinton Cash’s most explosive revelations are accurate.
Apparently, CNN’s Cristina Alesci and Laurie Frankel are among the last to know.
Quote of the Times;
“Everything we do affects other people.”
Link of the Times;
http://www.infowars.com/report-three-syrian-refugees-rape-little-girl-at-knifepoint-in-idaho/
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And someone shot a duck.
An Images & Ideas, Inc. Service.
No Vegans were harmed in the making of this site. We're looking for a new provider.