"G'day mate, Aussie Helpline. What's the problem cobber?"
"I'm in Darwin with my sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her mut has completely closed up."
"Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that, Cheers."
If aliens really attack Earth, my first thought is probably going to be “Which movie came the closest?”
If someone ever grabs me by the lapels and frantically asks me what the date is, I will be sure to include the year in my answer.
If people adopted last names like they did in the past, Jim CustomerServicer or Matt TeamLeader are just some examples of what awful things we’d be called.
It just occurred to me that duels were most likely scheduled at high noon so that the sun wasn’t in either opponent’s eyes.
I would be willing to donate blood to the mosquito community, if in exchange they would stop biting me.
A line of paint on the road holds more authority than I probably ever will.
I don’t think I’ve ever heard a car alarm going off and thought “Someone’s car is getting stolen!”
It’s pretty dumb that I get a new driver’s license every four years and it’s made out of hard plastic and I’m supposed to have my social security card for life and it’s made out of paper.
‘Black Lives Matter’ Protesters Disrupt ISIS Beheading
AL-RAQQAH, Syria – Protesters from the group Black Lives Matter caused what observers called a “major headache,” so to speak, in Syria last Friday when they interrupted a public beheading being carried out by the group the Islamic State.
Abu Mohammad al-Adnani, a spokesman for the Islamic State, or ISIS, said the protesters had “stormed” the front steps of the town hall in Al-Raqqah, where ISIS fighters were about to behead four civilians for what al-Adnani called “the heinous crime of pigeon breeding.”
The protest group was led by Imani Mills, a 26-year-old community activist and aspiring motocross racer from Minneapolis, who claims she was attempting to highlight the glaring racial inequalities found throughout the Islamic State.
"Most people don't realize that the Islamic State is the most dangerous place on earth to be a person of color," said Mills. "Fully 100% of all violence in this country is carried out against people of color, making it worse than Nigeria, the Central African Republic, or even Baltimore."
Mills added, "Everyday people of color in the Islamic State are shot to death by the police or locked up in cages. ISIS needs to recognize its role in perpetuating this hetero-patriarchal state violence."
While Black Lives Matters now contains 28 separate chapters, including one in Canada, its Syrian chapter is by far the least successful. According to Mills, the group originally just tried walking around downtown Raqqah yelling "Hands Up Don't Shoot," but were mistaken for a group of surrendering Syrian Army soldiers and gunned down.
Mills says they later tried unsuccessfully to disrupt a speech by ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi by waving signs which read "Ban the Box," a movement to remove criminal records from job applications. However the phrase only led to confusion when ISIS members thought they were referring to the boxes the group puts collaborators in and sets on fire.
Last month they tried blocking the roads into Raqqah, chanting, "Shut this whole town down! The power, the roads, the water!" but gave up after they realized the Syrian Air Force had destroyed them all in a bombing raid several months earlier.
However, both al-Adnani and Mills said this latest protest had led to "productive dialogue" once ISIS' leaders realized her storming the stage was not an attempted suicide bombing by their rival group Al-Nusrah Front.
Al-Adnani also said that ISIS would attempt to include a wider variety of races and ethnic groups in future executions and vowed to set up a multicultural "All Deaths Matter" Martyrs Brigade.
ISIS also declared a "period of reflection," to avoid appearing racially insensitive and called off the remaining events of the day, including crushing several children with a bulldozer and immolating a suspected CIA spy.
English Lesson of the Day:
The phrase “Do go on” contains 3 different pronunciations of the letter ‘o’.
According to those killjoys over at PETA, there's apparently no right way to eat a Rhesus.
Issue of the Times;
Master Baiters: The Leftists Keeping America’s Race War Alive by Milo Yiannopoulos
My tour was planned with such care, I’ve come to Wisconsin and Minnesota in December. I think they are trying to kill me! They should have brought me up here when the weather was better…. There must be at least one month when the weather is nice here right?
Honestly, the upper Midwest is way too close to Canada. I’m going to have to assume you are all Canadian cucks until proven otherwise. Of course the real cucks are over at UW Madison. Can you imagine the triggering if I showed up at that hotbed of liberal insanity? It would register on the Richter scale. It would be even worse for them that finding out the Wisconsin recount didn’t change a damn thing.
Congrats to Wisconsin on going red!
I know there has been upheaval in your basketball program. They fired the coach this year after 11 seasons. Many of you think it was because of poor performance, player academics, or clashing personalities with the athletic director. You need to start thinking like Democrats…. The basketball team was obviously hacked by the Russians!
Why does the University of Wisconsin Milwaukee have something called the Inclusive Excellence Center? It sounds so sinister. For some reason liberals ALWAYS name these things straight out of 1984. The inclusive excellence center would fit right in with the ministry of truth.
And what does the Inclusive Excellence Center do? It works to control the speech of UWM students through hilarious efforts like the “Just Words” campaign. They’ve spent student’s money to come up with a strategy that boils down to “sticks and stones may break my bones but words hurt my feelings AND YOU CAN’T SAY THEM ANY MORE OR YOU’RE A RACIST BIGOT WHO DESERVES TO DIE”.
You think I’m joking about 1984, but I’m not. They call the flyer portion of the just words campaign “passive programming”. God help you if you are part of their “active programming” which presumably involves electroshock therapy for anyone who accidentally misgenders Caitlyn Jenner.
The Just Words campaign is all about words you shouldn’t say. Apparently you can’t say “are you deaf?” when someone doesn’t hear you, I guess because… a deaf person might hear you and be offended? Who even knows.
You aren’t supposed to say “That’s gay” which I say all day long. That’s gay doesn’t mean something is homosexual, it means it’s retarded! Which you’re not allowed to say either.
Of course you can’t say illegal alien, that would admit America has a problem with illegals. We should probably call it undocumented immigration, it’s just a clerical error!
I’ve gone through the pain of the VISA process ladies and gentlemen, and I am more against illegal aliens than I ever was after that. I kept screaming my safe word and the immigration officials wouldn’t stop torturing me!
My safe phrase by the way is “Women can be funny”.
One of the words you should not use according to the just words campaign is Nazi. I don’t think the campus crybabies have any problem calling Donald Trump and all of his supporters Nazis do they? Obviously, the rules only apply to other people.
There is one final word I have to mention from ‘just words’, and it is man up. Man up is a big no no for liberals, intent on eliminating masculinity from our culture. Toxic masculinity and rape culture and all the other idiotic things they like to say in their war against men.
I’ll tell you one UW Milwaukee student that doesn’t need to man up, Justine Kramer.
This quote unquote non-binary transwoman forced his way into the women’s locker rooms this year.
He got into the women’s room the way liberals always operate, using the government and the courts to weasel their way in where they don’t belong. In this case he made a Title IX complaint. You know, Title IX, the set of rules to protect women on campus? Now they protect trannies in your bathrooms instead.
I’ve known some passing trannies, they have no problem changing in the women’s locker room. But Justine isn’t even trying… I can tell, because I’d still just about do him… the ULTIMATE sign he doesn’t pass.
But tonight I’m here to talk about race relations, and how the left is wrong about everything on race.
Race relations between whites and blacks has always been held to be America’s original sin. You’ve just had a black President for 8 years, and he is now saying America hasn’t overcome its legacy of racism. What more could America do, Mr Obama? Elect you God?
Of course, the appalling legacy in the US ultimately derives from a hideous sin. Every corner of the globe has experienced slavery. Many blacks are descended from slaveholders in Africa, or especially if they are descendants of Egypt as many claim. Almost all cultures had slaves, or indentured servants, or whatever names they come up with. Indentured Servant was like saying undocumented American you see, it just sounds better.
Of the slaves brought to the new world, the vast majority went to central and south America. America and England are different than so many countries, because they realized slavery was wrong and ended it.
American slavery was ended by a bloody civil war. Some of you may be descendants of Wisconsin men that fought to free the slaves. It’s hard for liberal students to understand the concept of a civil war. It’s sort of like aggressive liking and retweeting without permission, but with bullets.
Many of you have better grasp on the civil war that that, but you’re college students, so I have to assume it hasn’t been covered in the same detail as important topics like microaggressions and manspreading.
Slavery is horrific, but the only slavery you hear about is the American kind that ended in the 1860s. According to the UN and other groups, there are an estimated 30 million slaves in the world today, including 14 million in India, and 4% of the population of Mauritania. No one even takes the time to find out where Mauritania is, let alone try to end slavery there.
Why isn’t the American left fighting slavery today on a global scale? I won’t say anything about modern slavery involving a lot of child sex trafficking, which is pizza for another day. The real reason is that slavery in America is used to control American politics and continue to drive a wedge between the races, for the political and financial advantage of a small group of so-called progressive elites.
Although there have been divisions within leadership of the black community since the slaves were freed, modern race relations can be traced back to the sixties. Much of America changed in that era.
If you consider the Reverend Martin Luther King Jr., his message of equality and unity is what mainstream Republicans now seem to believe. If you say you’re colorblind about race on campus, you’ll trigger social justice warriors, who think you are racist for not….identifying people primarily for race.
If a white person gave Dr. King’s famous “I have a dream” speech and said his line “I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.” They’d face charges of hate speech from liberals too ignorant of history to even know it’s Dr. King’s line. “All lives matter” is, bizarrely, branded irresponsible and insensitive by major TV networks.
Dr. King’s dream ended when he was killed by a white racist. Black leadership swung to the other side, represented by Malcolm X. It was a sad premonition for the future of black America that Malcolm X was then killed by a black man.
If we fast forward 5 decades, we have not seen improvement in many areas of the black community. In fact, quite the opposite, blacks are measurably much worse off than they once were. I think a change is in order, and a quick tour through a rogue’s gallery of those that have led blacks astray will probably convince you of the same.
I wanted to call this the basket of deplorables, but the phrase was taken by Sick Hillary. So I am calling it the Rogue’s Gallery.
Unlike Hillary who painted millions of Americans with a broad brush, I am taking specific aim at leaders who have hurt black America much more than they helped it.
I am keeping this list to a small selection of the actual rogue’s gallery because we could spend all night listing leaders who have hurt black people in this country in exchange for power or a quick profit.
LBJ became president when Kennedy was murdered. His presidency spelled the beginning of tough times for black America.
In the short term, he escalated the Vietnam war, which cost the lives of soldiers of all backgrounds, including blacks.
In the long term, he created the Great Society, which left him with a legacy as a civil rights champion. That legacy is not deserved, because the great society created a permanent welfare state and installed blacks as an underclass.
LBJ created a world for black people where the Democrat party is their only choice. Herman Cain calls the Democrat party the plantation, and voting Republican is leaving the plantation.
LBJ was a racist. I will leave it up to you to Google some of his quotes about black people!
Jesse Jackson an example of the new breed of civil rights leader that came up after MLK. People interested in personal power and personal wealth at the expense of the people he supposedly dedicated his life to.
Jackson invented things you may find commonplace now. Like black leaders magically appearing when a black person is killed by the police, but disappearing when blacks kill each other.
Many of your parents could tell you about Jackson’s most infamous incident, calling New York City “Hymietown” because of its large jewish population. I guess he doesn’t like the jews… he is like Richard Spencer with a tan.
Throughout his career as a black leader, Jesse Jackson has enriched himself. He has an estimated worth of $10 Million dollars, and his Rainbow PUSH Coalition sounds a bit like the Clinton Foundation — friends and family do well out of it but no one else does.
For example, Jackson once spearheaded a boycott of Budweiser beer. Years later, two of his sons got a sweetheart deal for a Budweiser distributorship in Chicago. Guess who never said a peep about Budweiser again?
Jackson cares about himself, not black people. He famously said about President Obama on a live mic “I want to cut his nuts off”
Jackson pioneered the opportunism we’d see from future prominent black leaders. It turns out race relations is a business, and business is good.
The Clintons are no friend to black America, despite blacks voting for both Bill and Hillary in overwhelming numbers. Can you believe that Bill Clinton was once called “The first black president”?
Bill Clinton’s crime bill put a lot of black men in prison for very long periods. When pundits ask where all the black fathers are, we know a good number are in prison!
We can’t have this pair in the Rogue’s Gallery without recalling Hillary’s famous quotes about the 1994 crime bill:
“They are not just gangs of kids anymore…they are often the kinds of kids that are called ‘super-predators.’ No conscience, no empathy. We can talk about why they ended up that way, but first we have to bring them to heel.”
Bring them to heel. Like a dog, I think she means.
Like you were brought to heel by the Middle Eastern countries that funded your campaign along with radical terror groups?
Of course we know the Clinton’s have profited to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars. Quite a bit of the money in the Clinton Foundation was for disaster relief in places like Haiti, where essentially no Clinton Cash ended up going.
The Clintons represent three decades of the Democrat party being completely sure of getting the black vote, while doing nothing to help the black community in return.
Democrats don’t understand what is wrong in the black community or how to fix it. If they do, they don’t care.
Al Sharpton has a long history of leading black people by inciting division between the races. Some of his most infamous moments are outright hoaxes.
He was involved in the Tawana Brawley rape hoax. It might not have been the first race hoax ever, but it was certainly the first high profile one.
He has been involved in protests against police and whites that have had real effects, like the deaths of innocent and unrelated parties.
Now he makes a reported $500,000 a year to be on MSNBC. He has a net worth estimated at $5 million. Dividing blacks and whites really pays off. At least for a few people.
Sharpton owed nearly that much to the government in taxes. The only people he should be protesting are the IRS.
Al Sharpton is all about the money. His career as a leader for black people can be summed up by the advertisement he made in 2005 for Loanmax, a title loan company. Title loans can have outrageous interest, up to 300% annual percentage rate, but Al didn’t care because he could get a check.
Black Lives Matter is the culmination of racial divide. They’re nothing more than the last socially acceptable hate group in America. They’re the only group dedicated to racial hatred in America that it’s OK to praise around a Manhattan dinner table, or at a D.C fundraiser. They march on the streets calling for the deaths of white police officers, and receive praise in gushing Atlantic essays the following morning. They’ve taken the opportunism of their predecessors and added in the worst identity politics of feminism, marxism, and every other negative ‘ism’ you can think of.
The leadership of Black Lives Matter is loose and evasive, especially if you are asking where donations went to. There’s Johnetta Elzie, who i was worried about fitting on a slide.
There’s Deray McKesson, who pals around pretty closely with Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey. There’s a revolving cast of other characters involved in black lives matter, but what I’m really curious about is why women and gay men are the new leaders of the black community?
Black Lives Matter is the ultimate divisive movement. They aren’t shy about what they don’t like, which is western civilization, capitalism, and the rule of law. They really dislike the police, and certainly get the credit for the war between black men and police.
You’ve experienced this right here in Milwaukee. Rioting Milwaukee citizens were actively looking for white targets, as captured on periscope videos, youtube, and other sources… just not the mainstream media.
What has BLM actually done, besides further divide white people and black people? Just look at how upset they get when we say “All Lives Matter”. They get furious!
The problem with Black Lives Matter is that the opportunism is obvious to the naked eye. Black Lives Matter when taken by white people or the police. They stay silent otherwise.
Sheriff David Clarke, one of the best lawmen in this country, says it best:
“Black Lives Matter has no more to do with black issues than Students for a Democratic Society had to do with Democracy. They are means to an end, and they use the black population as sacrifices for their goals. When black celebrities like Beyoncé jump on board I can only wonder what their goals are – more ticket sales? An easy pass from the liberals who control their contracts? It certainly is not to help their community.”
Sheriff Clarke goes so far as to call it a war, with BLM as the enemy. Sheriff Clarke is a serious guy… when he speaks, America should listen.
And if there is any question who ISN’T listening to Sheriff Clarke, here is a picture of the UW Madison Student Government. They support BLM, but that is the stunning and brave thing for university students to do.
I’ve saved a very special friend for last, Shaun King. He is the whitest black supremacist in America, and was booted out of Black Lives Matter following my reporting on his heritage.
The best way to know Shaun King is white is the way he threw his mom under the bus when it was alleged he wasn’t half black. What black guy would do that to his own mama?
Shaun is as shady as they come, the ultimate Black Lives Matter opportunist, as Sheriff Clarke would describe him.
He has engaged in so much strange behavior over the last year I’m not going to waste your time trying to catalogue it. I will tell you my favorite bit, which was when he wrote me a bizarre email claiming I am obsessed with him, the NRA is a white supremacist organization — that will come as a shock to Sheriff Clarke, who both frequently works with the NRA and is an actual black man — and that the game of pool is a racial symbol. I suppose because the white cue ball hits the colored balls?
And if all that wasn’t enough, Shaun King also looks eerily similar to Manny Escuela, a character from Grand Theft Auto 4.
Ironically enough, Manny also feigns a desire to help the inner-city community all while trying to boost his own social status and achieve fame.
We will revisit Shaun King in a few minutes, but the rogue’s gallery wouldn’t be complete without this particular gringo.
Those in the rogue’s gallery get a big helping hand from the media, which is happy to push fake news in the interest of left-wing politics.
Consider the birth of Black Lives Matter in Ferguson Missouri. The media pushed the meme of “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot”
It is a simple falsehood. Hands up, don’t shoot is NOT what happened in Ferguson Missouri. Yet the media told us it was, and that is certainly what many in the black community still believe.
Everyone got in on the act, and it only inflamed tensions between blacks and the police.
Whenever the media talks about fake news pointing at Breitbart and other alternative media, I think of the burning cities and blood on the streets due to hands up don’t shoot and other fake news concepts.
Remember that NBC edited the George Zimmerman 9-1-1 call to make it sound like he brought up race first, as opposed to answering a question. This is another example of the media fanning the flames.
The final fake news example I will bring you is again from the Milwaukee riots this year. Sylville Smith was shot by a black cop after pointing a gun at him. His sister Sherelle Smith was shown on the news, but most media sources showed only have of her quote.
They showed her saying with great passion:
“Burning down shit ain’t gonna help nothin’,”
“You’re burnin’ down shit we need in our community.”
The full quote from Smith’s sister is more in line with Black Lives Matter:
“Burning down shit ain’t gonna help nothin’,”
“You’re burnin’ down shit we need in our community.”
“Take that shit to the suburbs. Burn that shit down!”
“We need our shit! We need our weave! I don’t wear it, but we need it!”
Maybe the mainstream media will stop with the fake news, but I wouldn’t hold your breath.
Chicago is just down the highway from here, and is the perfect example of how liberals always get race issues wrong.
The city has terrible black on black crime, but Black Lives Matter and the other black leaders are NEVER around.
The leading health hazard to black men isn’t obesity or heart disease, it is living in Chicago!
Chicago is currently at 742 homicides in 2016, it will probably go up by the time people watch this speech on Youtube.
That’s close to doubling the 2015 numbers. About 78% of the victims are black, and the vast majority of those people were killed by guns shot by other black people.
But Chicago has some of, if not the tightest gun laws in the country! The Mayor is an Obama insider, and the city has been under Democrat control forever!
None of this makes sense to the typical liberal, and black leaders simply choose to ignore it.
The policies of liberalism could never fix Chicago and can only make it worse. Chicago doesn’t need government programs, it needs jobs. It needs the safety for the citizens of its worst neighborhoods like Austin and Englewood to know they can walk down the street without dodging bullets.
Donald Trump pointed all of this out, and the left went crazy and called him a racist. But many black people are brave enough to stand up and say the same things.
Fix infrastructure and jobs, bring some safety, and war-torn communities can actually thrive. To say nothing about schools — again, never mentioned by black leaders.
At some point Chicagoans will get tired of living like they are in Aleppo instead of in one off the top cities in the United States.
No speech on race baiting would be complete with several statistics that liberals would call hate facts, because it is easier than dealing with the truth.
Black Lives Matter focuses on shootings of black people by police to drive a wedge between black people and well… everyone else. Here are the real facts, for your consideration.
It’s from the work of Criminologist Dr. Richard Johnson of the University of Toledo.
Based on 2012 numbers, it would take 40 YEARS worth of blacks killed by police to equal the total of blacks murdered by other blacks is a SINGLE YEAR
900 people have been killed by cops in 2016. 47% are white males, 24% are black males. Black men are not killed out of proportion especially considering that they are much more likely to interact with cops.
People are killed by police about as often as they are killed by lightning. Why don’t I see protests about storms?
Black males are 58% of those killed legally by private citizens in self defense. You may think that is an AH HA! Moment about racist whites, but 75% of those were killed by other blacks.
FBI statistics on Murder lay bare the real threats to black lives in America:
Black men are about 6.5% of the US population, but commit 52% of all murders over a 30 year period. That has dipped to about 40% in recent years.
Black men overwhelmingly murder other black people. White people overwhelmingly murder other white people.
Looking at overall violent crime, blacks are 27 times more likely to attack whites than vice versa, and 8 times more likely to attack hispanics.
This is the shocking number I hope you take away from my visit- 90% of blacks that die of murder die at the hands of other black people. That’s from the FBI Homicide Report
Much of the modern race divide as practiced by Black Lives Matter is built on the idea of white privilege. Let me tell you black people, when you’re rubbing shoulders with crazy feminists on ideas like privilege, you need to run away screaming.
Male Privilege is bullshit, and white privilege is too.
If White privilege is a thing, why are people working so hard to be black? All of the award shows and cultural events favor black culture.
Shaun King does his damnedest to be a black man despite the handicap of being born white to two white parents.
Some people, the bravest people, have come out as trans-black. My favorite one is Rachel Dolezal.
Dolezal is the real deal when it comes to trans-blackness. She has apparently altered her appearance through atomic tanning sessions and a pact with the devil for kinky hair – which, ironically, cis-black women spend their entire lives fighting against – all in an effort to embrace her imaginary inner blackness and reject her German and Czech dead-ethnicities.
America used to call this “going native”.
She is a professor of Africana Education at Eastern Washington University. Personally I am clueless about “Africana education” outside of a bedroom context.
Dolezal is also the president of the local NAACP chapter, in which capacity she came to the attention of local media by claiming several racial threats which the police have not been able to verify as credible.
Let me tell you, you aren’t really trans-black until you have that vital racial threat against you.
She has a fake black dad! She pretends her adopted black brother is actually her son! Who takes things that far besides crazy white girls?
More importantly, why would even a crazy person go to all this struggle to shed the amazing privilege of being white? The answer is simple…. White privilege isn’t real.
If it were, then how exactly do you explain the decline in record sales and/or success of The King of Pop during his “transition”, hmm? Riddle me that.
Listen, I’m practically trans-black myself, especially if you consider my sex life.
Part of the reason I picked this topic is that I sincerely believe All Lives Matter, including white people, black people, and every other color.
Americans need to unite, not be divided by something as petty as race. There are enough people outside of America that want to destroy it that you don’t need this internal division.
Black Americans must find leadership that isn’t opportunistic or destructive. A war on police and a war on white people will never benefit anybody.
I’m sorry that it takes a gay British guy to give you the unvarnished truth, but that should tell you something about the people who claim to have your interests at heart.
Thank you for your attention this evening, I’d like to open up the floor for questions. As always, no preference will be given for accepting questions based on race, gender, or sexual orientation. Sorry trans-blacks, get in line!
Quote of the Times;
If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the state can shield the people from the political, economic and / or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the state to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the state. – Goebbels
Link of the Times;